Sunday, December 27, 2009

Six Months

Today is December 27, 2009. This means that my dad died exactly six months ago today. It was the first time in my life that somebody really close to me passed away. This is what I’ve experienced. - Everybody mourns differently.

- My worldview has changed completely. Nothing is quite the same anymore. Words have different meanings. Movies have different messages. And I feel different somehow.

- Sad stories are a little sadder. Painful stories are a little more painful. Everything is a little more poignant.

- I’m not as happy as I used to be, but I am more at peace. This fact has made me realize that true knowledge and understanding only come with a price I suppose.

- My parents’ house is still peaceful and beautiful. When my dad was sick I was afraid that it would turn into a depressing place. It hasn’t.

- I don’t regret things I could have/should have done differently with Dad. I’m only sad that he won’t be around in the future to see the things I accomplish.

- My mother is amazing. I do not understand her pain (to suddenly be without somebody you spent everyday with for 30 years is hard for me to comprehend), but she handles it brilliantly.

- I could not handle death without the Gospel. If my dad died and I didn’t believe in God, I would be devastated beyond repair.

- Looking back, I can’t understand why I wasn’t happier when he was around. After all, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to see him now.

- I think there have been other trials in my life that have been just as painful in that moment. The thing with death is that you can’t fix it. If you lose your job or get fired, you can go look for another. If you go bankrupt, you can start making money again. If you get your heart broken you can start looking for somebody else. But death . . . there’s no getting around.

- The kindness that people showed my dad and my family was truly inspiring. People are good: from my students to people I had never met before to the ward members.

- “The aching may remain, but the breaking does not.”

- There are worse things than death.

- I have much more respect for those who have experienced this before I did. The way they handle it so gracefully helps me to also endure.

- My dad is here sometimes. . . somehow.

- I can't wait to see him again.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A few things to note:

- I am tired. The last couple of days I’ve spent every free moment correcting my students’ research papers. Correcting papers is easily the worst part of teaching. No contest.

- The worst part of coaching? Ridiculous parents who think their child is God’s gift to athletics (which they obviously can’t be since I’m that). How otherwise respectable parents can be so obviously biased and not recognize it is beyond me. Maybe when I have my own kids I’ll understand, but until then I remain amazed.

- I still don’t like the snow.

- However, I do like potato chips, Welch’s grape juice, rice krispy treats, pickles, and Monday Nite Football.

- I also really like the song “Remember When” by Alan Jackson

- I know 2009 isn’t quite over yet, but I think I’m safe in saying this is definitely one of the hardest years of my life (and not just because the Yankees, the Lakers, and the Steelers all won their respective championships this season, although that definitely added to it). I’ll tell you, as far as pure difficulty goes, it’s right up there with ‘92-‘94 and ‘05. It’s sure been a doozy, I’ll tell you that right now (could someone please spell check “doozy” for me).

- I have a speaking part in the Goshen Ward Christmas sacrament meeting this Sunday. I’m pretty sure I’m going to dominate; I’ve been practicing all week (and I would just like to say right now that if my voice cracks I’m going inactive).

- This is a recent exchange in one of my classes.
Me: Class, do you like my sweater? I bought it for a dollar.
Student: Yeah, we can tell.

- I would also like you to know that I really like the song “Raining in Baltimore” by the Counting Crows. Fantastic.

- Have I mentioned that the heater doesn’t work in my sweet minivan? Yeah, it’s not quite as sweet anymore. But no, it is not for sale, so don’t even think about trying to buy it off me. NOT FOR SALE.

- Finally, let me end on a positive note. I would just like to you to know that I won a basketball three point contest the other day (yes, it was with a bunch of sophomore girls whom I coach, but I still won and that’s all that matters).

Monday, December 14, 2009

I do not like the snow or the cold or the ice or the more coldness. In fact, I can’t think of anything good that comes with snow. Nothing. However, as you know, my sister K-Dawg will not allow me to complain too much, so I’m going to write about the one good thing that does come this time of year: Christmas.

What I Like About Christmas

- The fact that I get to watch the Muppets Christmas Carol and It’s A Wonderful Life (I used to hate this movie by the way). I mean, I obviously can watch them anytime, but it’s just better when it’s the actual season.

- Making fun of people with icicle lights on their house (which includes my mother's home).

- All the good food.

- Christmas Presents. Some people will try and tell you they would rather give than receive. Not me. I mean, giving’s okay, but come on, does anything is this world beat waking up Christmas morning and opening presents.

- Christmas music. I should clarify this “Christmas Music”. I actually really dislike that pop Christmas music nonsense (hurts my ears that stuff). But give me some nice Christmas songs sung but a respectable choir and I won’t complain.

- College and professional football. I know it doesn’t actually have anything to do with Christmas, but it is at the same time and I love it.

- The Christmas Spirit. People always complain about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’m not one of those people. I think, compared to the rest of the year, people are still a lot more caring and considerate (even if they are a little bit obsessed with getting the best deal).

- The Hansen Christmas Party. I still love going to Grandma's house.

- Our family Christmas party. I generally don’t hate my family.

- The First Presidency Christmas Devotional. (Although this year I was sitting watching with a bunch of people who would not stop talking. I wanted to knock them all out, but I wasn’t too sure that would be the most effective way of paying better attention to the speakers).

- That fact that it means the semester is almost over.

- Charlie Brown's Christmas.

And that will do for now I think. Actually, let me show you some pictures.

This is me being crowned Mr. Mistletoe in high school at our Christmas Dance. I dislike dances about as much as I dislike snow.

This is me and big Stew. From the looks of things, I think we hated the snow even then, especially big Stew

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Note: I writed this on Tuesday. If I had writed it today, my Cougs definitely would've been on there . . .

Here I am coming home from Lehi on a Nebo School District bus just enjoying a little Mormon Tabernacle Choir as I write this here note/web log entry. Our teams lost today. But that’s okay. They played hard and I didn’t feel like a complete idiot as a coach (which is kind of what I expected to feel like).

This week, as you may or may not know (you British people might be unaware at least), is Thanksgiving. I really, really like Thanksgiving; it’s easily my third favorite holiday behind my birthday and Christmas. Anyway, since it be Thanksgiving, I’ve decided to write about what I’m thankful for. My Mormonite leaders are always telling me to be more thankful so today I’m going to make an attempt. I hope you don’t mind.

My List of Thanks

- I’m grateful for my job. I realize I’m an average teacher and probably slightly below average coach, but when all is said and done, I love going to work and I don’t think I can ask for more than that. Plus, any job is a blessing in these times right.

- I’m thankful for Autumn. Summer’s too hot, winter’s too cold, and spring has too many allergens. Fall is perfect.

- I’m thankful for good movies. I added several to my list last week: Blindside, Night Crossing, and Sabrina (the old school version)

- I’m thankful for my mission. Nothing has affected me so deeply and so strongly. I will never be the same because of it and I would give anything to go back.

- I’m thankful for my brothers and sisters. As far as siblings go they ain’t half bad. And I guess my brothers and sisters in law are bearable as well.

- I’m thankful for sports. For one thing, they’re the reason I have a job. For another, they’re kind of enjoyable to watch/play. And I’m really thankful for Monday Nite Football. It provides one time per week that I can watch the NFL without feeling guilty.

- I’m thankful for Mormonite stuff.

- I’m thankful for sleep. It’s what I look forward to every day.

- I’m thankful for my A3 class. It’s the other thing I look forward to each day. They’re pretty dad-gum rad, even if a couple of them are obsessed with George Strait.

- I’m thankful for Christmas. Can you imagine how depressing winter would be without the Christmas season.

- I’m thankful for beautiful music. Right now I’m listening to “My Shepherd Will Supply” by the Mormon Choir. It definitely qualifies.

- I’m thankful for General Conference. It is quite possibly the only thing I look forward to more than Christmas.

- I’m thankful for my books. I don’t read enough. I need to read more. Any good book suggestions? (and if you suggest a book and it’s not good, I will rip all your toenails off, so beware)

- I’m thankful for great people who do great things. Like I said, this week I watched a movie called Night Crossing. How people ever get the courage to do such amazing things I will never know.

- I’m grateful for true friends. I don’t know that I have very many, but I couldn’t live without the ones that I do have.

- I’m thankful for all of my sweaters. I’m kind of the sweater king around these parts and I find that pretty cool.

- I’m thankful for the dinner that comes at the end of Fast Sunday.

- I’m thankful for my fantastic stake president Chad the Rowley and the fantastic stake president I had before him President Roy Silcox.

- I’m thankful for my missionary trainer Elder Stuart Russell. He was an amazing missionary.

- I’m thankful for heaters in automobiles.

- And last but not least, I’m thankful for my amazing mother and my great father. May God bless them both.

P.S. I’m thankful for a lot of other stuff too, but this is what came to mind.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Lists and More Lists

I kind of get excited for these posts where I don’t really know what I’m going to type. I just kind of start typing and see where it takes me. I’m always hoping that maybe something profound will present itself (of course that never actually happens, but it’s worth hoping right).

So, I have a couple of things to note.

One: Today is the ninth anniversary since the day I entered the empty sea. That’s right, on Nov 1, 2000 I left my beautiful Salem and journeyed to the faraway Provo. It was the start of some kind of crazy two years I can tell you. The four most depressing days on my mission were:
- The second day being in Switzerland. I was cold, tired, and we didn’t have one appointment all day (in fact, we didn’t have an appointment until I had been in the field five days).
- The day my sister got married (Have I forgiven my sister for getting married when I was on my mission yet? No)
- The day I found out my kicking coach died.
- The day I went home

Two: As I’ve said before, October is a great sports month. You’ve got the World Series, football, and the NBA starting so I think I’m going to list my five greatest sports memories of all time (in no particular order)
- UCLA beating Missouri in the NCAA basketball tournament in 1995. Edney drove the lane with four seconds and made a sweet layup. It was awesome.
- Me scoring a goal against Timpview my senior year. First time I had ever scored, first time we had ever beat Timpview (too bad I didn’t get my first kiss after the game, that would have completed it)
- Me pitching the winning game of the UBBA tournament in seventh grade. We beat the White Sox, I only gave up three runs.
- The Braves winning the World Series in 1995. I love Greg Maddux.
- The Spurs winning the NBA championship in 2003. I love David Robinson.

Three: The other day I went to visit my friend. She had just started to date this bloke and was wondering about what things should be deal breakers in a relationship (you know, we’re supposed to put up with imperfections, but some things just break the deal right there). Here are some of my deal breakers for any future prospect:
- She can’t accept my obsession with sports.
- She doesn’t get along with her parents.
- She’s not comfortable with silence.
- She doesn’t like the movie Shadowlands.
- She supports the University of Utah (really)

Four: This brings me to another topic, which is: what are the best chick flicks I’ve ever seen. This topic came to my attention the other day when I watched the movie Emma. I really, really liked it and have thus compiled my list. It is as follows (again in no particular order):
- Beauty and the Beast
- Emma
- Runaway Bride
- The Shop Around the Corner
- Becoming Jane
- Shadowlands
- The Lake House
- Wives and Daughters
- Casablanca

Five: Well, for this one I was going to put my list of favorite Apostles but I wasn’t really sure that was appropriate. So instead, I’ve decided to list the favorite books I’ve ever read (all scriptural texts excepted of course). This list is off the top of my head, so I might be forgetting some, but this will do for now.
- David Copperfield
- The Chosen
- The Hiding Place
- The Last Battle (C.S. Lewis)
- Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites
- A Passage to India
- Dracula

And that's all

Monday, October 19, 2009

Before I begin, let me just say this specific entry was inspired by a Ms. Catherine Curtis, one of the most fascinating people I know. It, of course, does not compare to her manifesto, but hopefully has some merit of its own. Understand also that it is a quest of a lifetime to align my beliefs with my actions. I’m trying.


- in never giving up on something or someone you believe in . . . ever.

- in living after you die.

- in teenagers. I’m humbled and blessed to be able to work with them everyday. They teach me more than I could ever teach them.

- that the great ones of the past look down on us.

- in trying to do better.

- in looking for the best in people, especially what they themselves have overlooked.

- in our National Pastime.

- in endlessly and persistently acquiring knowledge.

- in beautiful music. My current favorites: Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony, “Homeward Bound,” and “I Love the Lord.”

- in the power of poetry. I read some Langston Hughes poems yesterday. Good.

- in giving the people the benefit of the doubt and trusting them even if they occasionally don’t deserve it.

- in cultivating language.

- in the grace of a loving God.

- in reading. I’m currently reading the Chronicles of Prydain. Very good.

- in not being critical (that’s one I’m definitely still working on that one).

- in watching, and listening, and observing.

- in silence. If there’s one thing that I do worry about with the rising generation, it’s that they don’t know how to handle stillness. They always have someone to text or something to listen to, which is, I think, to their detriment.

- in taking time to think.

- that you get out what you put in.

- in my amazing mother and my not too distant father.

- that there are indeed prophets in the land.

- in nature. I’m convinced that sunsets, mountains, lakes, and rivers are indeed God’s artwork.

- in the Beautiful Game.

- that people and their needs should always take precedence over things.

- that zufall gibt es nicht.

- in taking the road less traveled.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Why I'm Not Complaining

Well hello there. I’m sitting here at the computer wondering what I’m going to do tonite. I don’t have any games to coach, there are no football games on, no baseball games on, and basketball is only in the preseason (whoever watches preseason games has serious problems). So since I ain’t got nothing to do, I figure I’ll do a little bit of literary pondering.

First off, I’d like to refer back to my goal made in January that I would average asking at least one girl on a date per month. I’m happy to report that I have in fact asked a girl out 14 times this year (meaning I won’t have to ask again this year and I’m still good and yes, I do keep track). However, since my sister Karen won’t let me complain anymore, I’m not going to tell you how many have actually said yes, but just know that it is below 25 percent (and I haven’t been on one second date, which means even the few that did say “yes” were what my students would call “pity dates”).

But I’m not going to complain, and here’s why:

1. I got the Final Jeopardy question right the other day. How amazing is that. I can almost guarantee you’ve never done that before.
2. I just got a haircut from my mother and it looks pretty dad-gum good if I do say so myself.
3. My girl’s soccer team scored more region goals this year than they have in the last four years combined.
4. My Colts are 5-0, my Cougs are 4-1, and my Spurs acquired Richard Jefferson in the off-season.
5. My mom is at this very moment making me dinner.
6. I drive the sweetest car in the valley.
7. I am acquainted with the residents of Chatsworth Four (I’m actually not sure if that’s how you spell it though).
8. For lunch today I ate raw cookie dough and had a soda.
9. I don’t do drugs.
10. I can tell you my eleven times tables up to 100 without a calculator.
11. My favorite people list is constantly getting larger. In fact, I have met several people these last couple months who are definitely making their way to those most coveted “Top Ten” spots. I, of course, can’t say who’s on it, but you might be (by the way, I found my favorite people list from high school the other day. Very interesting because back then I actually did write down who was on the list).
12. My brother Big Stew is still shorter than I am.
13. I’m a Moroni (you know, Mormon’s an amazing man, but I connect just a little bit better with Moroni).
14. We just had General Conference (I call that Elder Holland is my missionary companion in the Spirit World, just saying).
15. I have a job (and not only do I have a job, but it’s a pretty spectacular job at that, even if the Ry-Masta and Squanto are no longer in any of my classes and my TA’s are ridiculous).
16. I ran a bleacher mile yesterday without having to throw-up, which is pretty good.

And there you have it. Who can complain about not getting a date when I’ve got all that going for me you know.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ward Prayerification

Here I am at these girls’ apartment over at the B.Y. We just got back from ward prayer. After having just spent several months in my Santaquin singles branch I was astounded at how many single people there are still in the world. Since there are only 40 people in my ward on any given Sunday I was starting to believe that the amount of single people was diminishing. But thankfully, such is not the case here in the Provo. I think that means there is still hope (although, let’s be honest, I was here for seven years and nothing ever came of that, so maybe it’s a false hope, who knows).

So I’d just like to say that I love to teach school. It’s the one place currently where I feel totally carefree and relaxed. I figure whenever your place of employ is your most relaxing place, it’s got to be a pretty good job.

I’d just like you to know that I officially don’t believe in dinosaurs anymore. Really, I’ve tried to reconcile how they could’ve existed with the whole Adam and Eve business and I just can’t figure out where they come in. So . . . I don’t believe in them and until I get a clear explanation my mind is set.

Going back to my first paragraph and my attendance at ward prayer, I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost my game. I mean, I realize that I’m still not married so I obviously have never had too much game, but back in my younger years, I would at least try to talk to girls I was attracted to. You know, I would go to these social outings and scope out the scene. Then I would find somebody I wanted to talk to and make up my plan of action. Tonite at ward prayer there was absolutely no game planning on my part. I mean, I did scope out the scene a little bit, but then I just sat back down on the steps and waited for the meeting to end and. Then I left. Pathetic huh?

It’s 10:12 p.m. I need to go to bed. Good nite.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Saved by the Bell

Hello, hello, hello. Thank goodness school is finally back in session. I was going a little bit crazy there for a while. I believe I was officially bored out of my mind on the 19th of July at approximately 3:34.56 p.m. Nothing like Payson High School to bring back a little sanity to life. I have the following items to note.

- This year, along with the regular coaching duties, I’m teaching 2 U.S. History classes, 2 Government classes, and 2 German classes. Government is easily my least favorite class to teach (especially without Ry-Masta there), but I do a tolerable job most days. My largest class has approximately 43 students (U.S. Studies) and my smallest has about 25 (German 1).

- Speaking of teaching, I teach Sunday School in my branch. One day a girl in my class (who had also been in my history class a couple years back) came up to me and said, “Your Sunday School class is a lot more enjoyable than your history class.” At first I was flattered, but then I really though about what she said . . .

- A student told me the other day that they had the same shoes as me. There were two problems with that. One, that student was a female (I do my best to not wear female apparel), Two, that student was a cheerleader. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear those shoes again.

- I’ve decided one of the main reasons I need a girlfriend is so that I’ll have someone to vent to when my team loses a soccer game. Currently I just go home and stew over the game all weekend until the next game. All the frustration just boils inside of me and I swear one of these days I’m just going to blow a fuse and rip apart my house or my van or my brother or something. Course, maybe that whole venting thing is the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend.

- I need a haircut.

- I would just like to clarify that although I hate Timpview/Salem Hills High that does not necessarily mean I hate all the people that went/go there. I mean think about it, I hate Hell, but I’m sure I don’t hate all the people that are there. There are probably several fairly respectable people there.

- I’m not going to church anymore until those Mormons get softer chairs for the overflow. I can’t handle it anymore.

- Can you believe it, my dance director had me teach some dances yesterday at a dance workshop (course, it can hardly be called a workshop if I’m teaching at it, but whatever). Who would’ve ever thought a day would come where Andrew the T. Wright would teach someone else how to dance. Unbelievable (and yes, you should be feeling sorry for those people right now).

Until next week.

- Oh wait, one more thing, can I just reiterate, I don’t go on blind dates so don’t even think about asking.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Salem vs. Goshen

Okay, so before I actually begin what I want to say I have to things that I need to say. To whit:

1)I can’t believe Wendy’s raised their prices. As a stockholder and Baconator lover, I’m outraged.
2)Quote of the century (provided by a teacher I don’t know): “I’ve learned over the years that the teachers who complain the most about being underpaid, usually are.” How true that is.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s move on to importanter things. Last week was Salem Days. I love Salem Days. Love them. This got me thinking about how much I appreciate this great city of Salem Utah, the City of Peace. As I was thinking about Salem goodness, I suddenly realized I had quite the dilemma: which thriving metropolis is better, Salem or the Goshen?

I thought about it for hours and hours and simply cannot come zurecht (I can’t decide). I mean, they’re both so fantastic. Thusly, in an effort to help myself make up my mind, I’ve decided to list five pros and cons for each city and then maybe I’ll have a better idea of where I stand. So, here goes.



- Every six years they celebrate my birthday with a fireworks display (this year being one of those years by the way). How can I not approve of such goodness.
- Jerry’s Dairy/Burger Barn. I know it no longer exists, but the fact that it ever existed still touches my heart (even if it did stink over in the milk section).
- Salem Elementary. I’m quite convinced that Salem Superstars (especially the singers) will someday rule the world with Mr. Dudley as King.
- The Salem Pond Bridge of Love. If you’ve never been on it, you haven’t lived. Go walk on it. Right now. You’ll feel the love, I promise.
- The old ball park. I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of my childhood on those fields.


- Woodland Hills. If that place (unaffectionately known as Little California) never existed, I think this world would be a better place.
- The fact that we have approximately 79.3 cops for a town with approximately 1345.5 citizens. I swear we don’t need that many cops. I don’t think Goshen even has one policeman (which is ironic considering con number four on Goshe).
- Salem Hill High School. I’m sorry, I try to like that place, but I just can’t. Every time I see that school I think of Timpview (they’re very similar in attitude) and every time I think about Timpview I want to throw up.
- The recent corporate invasion (which all started when Fast Gas decided to expand . . . sad). Now I realize cities must expand, but it’s still depressing.
- There are very few vacant lots these days with ditches where I can go and catch snakes if I get bored.



- No cell phone reception.
- There hasn’t been a corporate invasion. In fact, if anything, there’s been a corporate evacuation (if you can call those abandoned stores on Main Street “corporate” which is highly questionable).
- Its close proximity to the Abandoned Train Tunnel and other tourist attractions.
- Goshen old timers. I used to think Salem and Spanish Fork were hick towns. Not even close. But I’m pretty sure you won’t meet better or more genuine people in the whole world.
- The vending machines on Main Street


- The Goshen Trailer Park
- My front room carpet.
- The Goshen gas station. I still haven’t been inside. I don’t think I can ever go inside. I just know I’ll get shot or maimed or abducted or hung . . . or something.
- A state judge once said, “Goshen is where people go to escape the law.” Why didn’t my realtor tell me that I’d like to know.
- The fact that I have to use a propane tank. What is this, the stone ages? Where’s my natural gas? Seriously.

Anyway, I still haven’t come to any set conclusions, but I’ll keep pondering. Oh, and if you were wondering, Exeter England is better than both of them.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Abandoned Train Tunnels

I found out the other day that it is no longer “cool” to drag Main Street in Spanish Fork on a Friday or Saturday night. How sad is that. Teenagers these days, I tell you . . .

The other day I was in an airport and some old Asian dude asked me to help him figure out how to read a text message on his cell-pone. Can you believe that? I’ve maybe opened five texts total in the last seven years and here was somebody asking for my expertise? Don’t worry, we did eventually figure it out with some deliberation.

Did I tell you that the car I rented in the Germany had automatic windshield wipers? Cool huh. It starts raining they just turn on, it stops, they just stop. It was awesome. That has to be one of the coolest inventions of all time, probably right below indoor plumbing and right above Velcro.

I love salt water taffy. If you ever want something from me or need to bribe me, salt water raffy is the way to go (just so you know).

Actually, another way to get on my good side is to find me some pumpkin soup (kurbisuppe). They had it in all the grocery stores in Switzerland and it was so good. I miss it.

I found someone else who shares my love of minivans. In fact, before he knew I had a minivan, he told me he wanted to sell his Subaru Outback in order to buy a minivan. Great minds think alike, that’s all I have to say.

At my ward talent show on Friday I’ve decided to do a little bit of clogging and Legenyes for all those young single adults out there in the Santaquin. Funny thing, dancing isn’t even one of my talents. It’s more like an anti-talent. So if anybody comes up and congratulates me after, I’ll know they’re either lying or they have no rhythm just like me.

Interesting how, when you really like a girl (or guy for that matter) the second she enters the room you lose complete focus on everything else. Wierd how that happens right. Someone’s talking to you and suddenly you only hear random words every other sentence that make no sense whatsoever. I wonder if that’s how it feels to be ADD.

Last nite me and some of my associates had a redneck drive-in in an old abandoned train tunnel. It was one of the highlites of my life. If you want to come next time, let me know (unless I don't like you, then don't worry about it).

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Doener Kebap weish

The other day I went to Europe for a couple of weeks with this dance group I’m in. It was pretty fantastic. There are a couple of items to note:

- Europeans have absolutely no customer service skills. None. “Hello, I’m from Europe and I refuse to smile or be helpful in anyway. Next please.” And, to all of my European friends out there, no, I will not take it back.
- This is a plea to any Turkish person who might be reading this (and yes, to those who are wondering, tons of Turkish people read this). Please, please, please bring that goodness known as a Doener Kebap to these blessed United States. My life is incomplete without them.
- Swiss German is undoubtedly the language spoken in heaven. However, if anybody ever offers to sing you a song in Swiss German, put your hands over your ears and run away as fast as possible. It’s really very painful. If ugly has a sound, that’s it.
- Germans really do drink a lot of beer (I don’t though, if you were wondering).
- Near our hotel in Croatia there was a river where the local restaurant occasionally dumped their garbage. The cool thing is, our group went swimming in that same river. Awesome.
- My favorite part of any tour is that moment when everybody starts to get frustrated with each other. Anybody who’s ever been on a group tour knows what I’m talking about. Everybody’s all excited at first, but somewhere down the line something happens and everybody’s patience just runs out (it’s especially cool if it happens on a bus ‘cause then nobody can leave). I love it. I just sit and enjoy all the awkward tension as I eat my gummi bears.
- After much thought and contemplation, I do believe after this tour that the “worst dancer in the world” award has in fact been taken from me. I held it a solid two years, but I think I do finally need to relinquish my crown. Sad.
- I saw the new Harry Potter movie. Loved it. In fact, I plan on going at least eight more times, maybe nine. (That actually doesn’t have anything to do with my trip to Europe, but there you go).

And that’s all.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

A Hero Returns

Chadwin Spencer Wright (1942-2009) beloved brother, father, grandfather, and husband passed away at his house in Salem Utah on June 27th after a courageous two-year battle with cancer. A great friend, mentor, teacher, and example, he will be missed by all who know him. However, he was assuredly welcomed with open arms as he passed to the other side. He will be remembered for his kindness, his gospel knowledge, and his sense of humor, all of which he kept even until the very end. Chad graduated from Granite High School, served an LDS mission in Bristol England, and received degrees from BYU and Exeter University. He was married to Daunis Hansen on August 6th, 1975 in the Salt Lake Temple. He worked for the Church Educational System for 32 years in many different capacities, but most enjoyed his daily interactions with his students. As a valiant member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints he served in many callings including home teacher, high councilman, Sunday school teacher, and bishop. He is survived by 11 siblings, nine children, 13 grandchildren and his wife Daunis. He was preceded in death by his parents and three brothers. His viewing will be held Tuesday night from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at the Walker Mortuary in Spanish Fork. His funeral will be held Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. at the Salem West Stake Center (695 South 300 West, Salem)

A Poem by Steven Boothe

In loving memory of Chadwin S. Wright

Today I want to celebrate the life that I have lived.
I have loved greatly, I have lived fully, given all I had to give.
My heart is full of gladness, a great peace fills my soul.
I've walked the walk, I've talked the talk, God's will I've come to know.

God bless my sons and daughters and all the friends I have known
God bless my wife and grandkids with a peace beyond their own.
And may the love of God sink deep within their hearts.
And may this peace and joy grow while we're apart.

A simple smile, a loving touch, your caring freely given
Has warmed my heart and touched my soul, it's made life a bit of heaven.
You've brought great joy and humble pride, there's so much good in you.
The life you've lived, who you've become, God's peace lives on in you.

So lay me down, as all must die, just part of Father's plan,
As Jesus broke the bands of death, blessed Jesus understands
That God's great Plan of Happiness was made for you and me,
As he lives now, together will our family live for eternity.

Don't worry, I know it seems I've left some things undone,
But life's race goes not to the swift, only to he who runs until it's done.
I've run the race, I've fought the fight, I've endured unto the end
And now I enter into the rest of my true and trusted friend.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, my Savior, Lord , and King
Has brought me peace and happiness and takes away death's sting.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Skies of Azure

I think today I’ll go back to the listifying. Life just seems so much easier to document in lists.

- So today I found my planner/journal from my senior year of high school (class of 99 by the way). As I looked through it, the three things that surprised me the most were:
- That I actually understood Calculus once upon a time
- How much I obsessed over girls and my interactions with them (you might think I bad now, but I am NOTHING compared to how I was in high school, ask Stephen E. Frandsen if you don’t believe me).
- How much I despised cheerleaders.

- Once upon a time I posted my rules for dating. It appears I forgot a rule. You see, recently I’ve heard through the grapevine that one of my former students would like to go on a date with me. Nothing against her, but there’s got to be some sort of grace period before a former student asks a teacher on a date right. What do you think: five years, ten years, 73 years?

- While I’m talking about past notes, I need to return to a note I once wrote about Belle. After I wrote said treatise, some of you questioned Belle’s modesty (the nerve). I’m here to defend her. You see, I believe in what’s called the Modesty Mulligan (look up Mulligan if you don’t know what it is). I mean come on, everybody has a moment of weakness when maybe they have a really attractive date or there’s a big dance and they might just slip a little. However, if their dress before and after is of good report and praiseworthy then they’re okay to be sought after in my book (so back off).

- Do you think high school students will ever realize that if they stop telling their classmates how gay and stupid those classmates are and how much they suck, that maybe they would all actually have some semblance of self-confidence? Probably not, but here’s hoping/.

- I’ve discovered I’m not supposed to covet. I guess that means I won’t be marrying Celine Dion after all. I guess it’s back to the drawing board.

- Ry-Masta (a.k.a. Techno Twin Extraordinaire), I’ve got to confess that as far as the ladies go, the still, small voice just ain’t cutting it (I must not be paying enough tithing or something). So here’s what I’m thinking: you drop by my singles ward and be my wing man (just get ready because my singles ward is a pretty crazy place). You know, maybe you could give me some tips or something. I’ve only got three years of the young single adult stuff left, I’ve got to get a move on.

- A former colleague recently wrote that my notes are always too pessimistic. As I thought about it I realized there’s something to be said about being steady. Better to be an even keel than topsy-turvy right? I mean with some people you never know what you’re going to get; the one day they’re on top of the world and then the next day they’re sure the world is going to end. Not with me, nope, a stead dose of reality. It’s like I always be saying: “Not only is the glass half-empty, but the milk’s probably sour as well.”

- While I’m at it, let me just honor my man Nathan Pacheco. Just three years ago he was a fellow ward member singing in sacrament meeting. Now he’s touring around the country performing with Yanni (I saw them on Wednesday in the ESA, it was cool). Talk about living your dreams.

- And speaking of dreams, I’ll have you know that on Saturday I did the polka down the middle of Redwood Road. It was definitely a dream come true.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Not A List

Today I went to visit my friends and associates over at the B.Y. (you know, that place of higher [or lower] education where I spent seven years trying to get a bachelors degree). While there, amongst other things, I went to visit one of my old bosses: the venerable Casey C. Peterson (I also went to visit my other old boss J.B. Stohlton, but he was absent).

Let me give you a little background. You see, back in the day I used to serve on what was called the BYU Service Council. I was on said Service Council for two years and my second year the Casey Peterson took over as our bossman. (I should here note that unless people were watching we really didn’t do too much service I’m definitely a taker, not a giver*. We on the council mostly just ate free food and supervised the people who were doing all of the service.#)

Well, as I was saying, today I went and visited Coach Peterson. As we were discussing life over a lunch which he most generously bought for me (remember, free food) we started talking about the marriage rate of those who have served on the Service Council since he arrived.^

He said of all the Service Council members, (there have probably been about 40 since he started) only eight percent have gotten married. As I got to thinking, I realized that was quite an astounding statistic. Basically, if you serve on the BYU Service Council, you only have an eight percent chance of getting married.

Now Casey the Peterson blames this marital famine on me and Nathan Urry (a fellow council member). He claims that once we get married (not together obviously but to nice female companions respectively) then the floodgates will open and all the rest will follow suit.

Me, I have a different conclusion: if you want to get married, don’t volunteer to be on any type of service organization, it will only hold you back (statistics don’t lie after all). And that's all for today.

* Editor’s Note: A wise man once said there are two types of people in the world: the givers and the takers.

#Compiler’s Note: The best thing about being involved in any organization: free food.

^Administrator's Note: According to numerous unnamed sources, BYU has four purposes (in this order): 1) Get as many of its students married as possible 2) Upon graduation, find jobs for all those singles who aren’t married in a place where they will most likely get married 3) Convince all those who aren’t married, that they’d better get married as soon as possible. 4) Get an education

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The venerable ZQ requested that I not be recalcitrant in my writing ways even though summer has hit. I thusly attempt to comply.

- Me and fellow ward member Marshall the Bateman went on a Parade of Homes excursion yesterday. It was awesome. I’m officially addicted.

- The other day I was in Maceys and for about two solid minutes I couldn’t remember where the vinegar was. Can you believe that? I was/am so ashamed. There I was, grocery worker extraordinaire, and I couldn’t remember where to find something so routine as vinegar. How embarrassing.
- A couple of questions for my Mormonite associates:
1. Why does the relief society room always get the cushioned chairs? I find that very unfair.


2. When is the church going to get with it and start putting vending machines in the church buildings.

- This week (we be out of school) has taught me that the next time I have contract negotiations with my parents I need to have a “no manual labor” clause added. This working stuff really gets to me.

- Whoever came up with the layout for the stop signs in that quaint little village of Santaquin must have either been stoned or drunk or both. Absolutely ridiculous. Don’t ever drive there if you can avoid it.

- My dad and I are currently watching the Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. You know, I’m still surprised that Yoda isn’t quoted more in General Conference.

- I have a huge moral dilemma. It’s times like these that I miss the wisdom of my high school students. They always have such refreshing views on moral dilemmas (if they know what that means, which is doubtful).


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I ain’t written in a bit so I’d better be making up for that. Here are some items of note over the last couple of weeks.

- I went shopping at Smith’s the other day and I’ll tell you, it was absolutely ridiculous. Those people have no idea of how to put together a grocery store. Absolutely no order or sense in the way they’ve organized their product. Chaos. I’m never shopping there again.

- I’m currently in third period. This class is supposed to have 33 students. How many does it have today: Nine. You got to love the last week of school right.

- One thing I hate about growing up: adult conversations. Adults talk about the most boring things. I mean seriously, who really cares about the stock price of AIG or the latest prices on turnips. The scariest thing is, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to participate in and even promote such boringness. I’ve got to watch myself.

- Last week I drove up West Mountain in my sweet green minivan. I’ll tell you, that automobile has some serious off-road capabilities. I mean, I knew I could make it up, but I had no idea it would be that easy.

- Speaking of which, Squanto stole my sweet green minivan today. Can you believe that? I’m still in utter disbelief. Really. Any second now I’m going to collapse from shock that anybody would even think about stealing my most prized possession. If the Ry-Masta were here, I’d have him handle the situation, but alas, I’m left to my own devices. Ry-Masta, how am I going to survive without you controlling these people?

- This morning I told my first period class that I went on a date last weekend. The first two questions they asked: “Was it with a girl?” and “Was she related to you?” . . . Jerks.

And that’s all for now.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Questions and Concerns

Well, first off, the home pictures are here. Relax. Just check the last post.

I just have a couple of comments and questions that need to be noted:

1. It’s true, tomorrow I’m going to ShopKo to buy some Rogaine. No, really, I am. (And Rogaine IS in the Microsoft dictionary, that means it must be legitimate).

2. I talked to a girl for a solid thirty minutes the other nite. I know you don’t believe me, but I did. So there.

3. What are “hops” actually. Beer commercials always talk about “hops.” What are they?

4. Speaking of which, last week at family home evening we talked about the funnest thing we’ve ever done and I’ll have you know, now that I’m a sophisticated and mature, the word, “d---s” didn’t even enter my mind. Even on April 20th.

5. It’s time for my annual comments on the NBA playoffs. Let it be known that the Spurs are still my team. However, since Brother Ginobili and the Spurs is gone, I’ll just be happy if the Cavs and the Lakers don’t win. And if the LeBrons play the Kobes, I’m pulling for the Kobes (didn’t think I’d ever say or write that, but there you have it).

6. I’m no longer as upset as I was two weeks ago.

7. I have another thing to add to my Celestial food menu. Kebabs and Crème Soda are already on it. Rice Krispy treats need to be added.

8. Do you think Zac Efron can actually play basketball (Efron is NOT in Microsoft dictionary, which probably means he’s not legitimate).

9. One problem with ranting and raving on Facebook/my web log, you never really know who might come across it. This whole universal access thing has made me censor some things that I definitely would have included in the old email format (for those of you who don‘t know, this randomness used to be sent out in periodic emails, sorry you missed out).

10. I still plan on marrying Celine Dion when I grow up, in case you were wondering.

And that’s all

The Teach

My Home

Okay, so here are some pictures of my life in one of the sweetest towns of all time: Goshen, Utah.

This is where I live (I know, I know, I should really cut those branches, but the whole yard-taking-care-of side of me hasn't quite developed yet).

This is not where I live.

This be the carpet in the front room. When I first saw it I wanted to throw up. I didn't, but I'm thinking I probably should have because it could've only helped. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

This be the front room itself.

This is my pool table. It's crooked and I haven't yet won a game on it, but it's not bad.

This is my kitchen. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it, but I do have one.

This is a toilet paper dispenser with a radio on it. Both upstairs bathrooms have one. Serious.

This is the nearest (and only) gas station. Yep, one pump and bars on the only window. That's never a good sign. I still haven't entered that place since I'm pretty sure there are dead bodies somewhere underneath the floorboards.

These are the random drink machines on Main Street. And look, you can even have ice with your drink. How rad is that?

This is town hall. No really, the whole building looks just like this. I don't think there are any windows.

This is where I go to church (the Santaquin Singles Branch building) . . .

. . . and here (my Goshen Ward) . . .

. . . and here.

So there you have it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I’m upset . . . so I’m going to write. I think it’s good to write when I’m upset, that way I don’t throw anything unnecessarily or break any breakable (or unbreakable) objects (which often happens when I get upset in situations when I can’t write).

Did I mention that I’m upset? I am. My soccer team lost. That’s why I’m upset.

Problem is, I really don’t have anything to write about. I’m currently at the B.Y.U. Some of my associates are studying furiously for their finals, which is good I suppose. I don’t know, I never really studied during finals week, I was too burned out by that point (which is funny that I was burned out, since I never studied during the semester that much either).

I like being back at the B.Y. It’s a good place. It’s only when I come back that I realize how different my former world is from my present one. In case you were wondering, Paysonian High School and Brigham Young University are in fact different . . .

. . . this REALLY attractive girl just sat down across from me, but she’s with her boyfriend so . . . or maybe it’s her brother because she’s way out of his (and my) league . . .

Speaking of attractive girls, I was at our branch family home evening last nite and this girl that is definitely not unattractive left early. I couldn’t believe it; totally uncalled for. How can you get a fellow’s hopes up like that and then just leave? Let that be a lesson to all you nice ladies our there: either you don’t show up or you stay the whole time. None of this show up and then leave early business because that’s just not fair.

A nice person is cleaning all the computers here. Nice huh.

Continuing on this attractive ladies tangent, after FHE last nite I watched Twilight. I’ve said this before, but Alice (one of the vampires) has THE coolest hair. AND she knows how to pitch. You really can’t go wrong with that combination.

How did we lose today? I’m so upset. This writing isn’t helping at all. I’m still mad. We shouldn’t have lost today.

. . . now the attractive girl is scratching the brother/boyfriend’s back. Oh she stopped already, has to be a brother with that short of a back-scratch. Or maybe they’re just friends. Maybe I’ll ask them . . .

. . . pause . . .

I just took that little break to write an email to one of my favorite people in the whole world Ashlee the Geekins. Which brings me to my favorite people list. Most of you know that I have a favorite people list, but my question is whether it’s moral . . .

. . . study partners, they’re just study partners, I can tell . . .

. . . to have a favorite people list. I mean, really, in the end it seems kind of against Mormonite teachings to have a list of favorites don’t you think. Aren’t we supposed to like everybody the same? Well, I still have the list, but I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I’ll just put everybody on my “Not Favorite People List” that way they’ll all be the same.

. . . dang it, she’s got a wedding ring . . .

I’m so upset.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My Sweet Job

Teachifying is, in my most humble opinion, a fantastic job, one of the best in fact (definitely not for everybody though, especially if you don‘t like people). Not only do I get to be a teacher, but I get to teach at one of the greatest high schools of all time: Payson High School, Home of the Mighty Lions (yes, yes, it is true, there were my arch enemy when I was in high school., but I’ve since repented).

So, as I was thinking about my sweet job, I decided to make a list of the top ten things that I like about my job at the Paysonian High School:

1. My principal, the Mr. Peery. He’s amazing. If you ever get a chance to meet him, tell him “hello.” I’m pretty sure he doesn‘t have any shortcomings (except that he speaks French).

2. Assemblies. Right now I’m sitting in a lip sync assembly. Interesting. The techno-twins just went. High school students can be, when given creative freedom, very interesting to say the least. I’m now suffering through an encore of the Techno-twins. Will this torture never end?

3. School lunch. Seriously, where can you get such a fantastically, healthy, tasty meal for just $2.75 (besides the closest senior center of course).

4. The weight room. I’ve actually never used it (I don’t really need it obviously), but how sweet is it that I have open access to a weight room. Shoot, who needs a gym pass.

5. Students who don’t complain or constantly make excuses. I think I found three so far, but I’m thinking there’s probably another one somewhere. I’m still looking.

6. My 2B and 1A classes. Word Ry-Masta and Squanto. (I should here note that all classes are not created equal by the way. For example, some classes, every time they enter, I just want to hide).

7. Mike the Janitor. He owns a Harley Davidson and rides with a whole group of bikers. He invited me to go with his motorcycle pack on a drive through Zions this week. I'm seriously considering it (if I can get over my fear of motorcycles, snowmobiles, four-wheelers, etc.)

8. All of the counselors/secretaries. One of the secretaries told me she had a dream that she needs to set me up with someone. Another said that she has a goal of setting me up on at least four dates before the end of the year. And that was just last week.

And those are just some of the reasons why I have the sweetest job in the world.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Standard Works of Movies

Today I’ve decided to compile a list of some of my favorite movies (I‘m thinking “The Standard Works of Movies” would probably be a good title). I can tell you right now that the Ry Masta is going to agree with every choice here (although I‘m not really sure he even knows what a musical is).

Of course, some of you are out there wondering what makes a good movie. Well, educated people are all into how good the acting, screenwriting, and cinematography are. However, I don’t care too much about that stuff (a little, but not too much). As long as the acting’s not too bad and the scenery doesn’t look too fake, I’m alright. What I care about is the overall story, the message, and how the writer presents that message. That’s all I care about really. Give me horrible scriptwriting and a great message over a well-made immoral movie any day.

Disclaimer: As to what type of movies I am selecting from, I should here note that my mother doesn’t let me watch “R” rated movies. Nor do I watch comedies (generally a little too crude for my innocent ears) or too many PG-13 chick flicks (again, I’ve got to take care of my innocent ears and eyes) although, as you will see, chick flicks in general are definitely not off limits.

Without further ado then, I will tell you the genres (which I came up with off the top of my head) and my favorite movie therein.

Best Sports Movie: This is a tough call. Some sports fans out there (with sand for brains, mind you) are going to mention such movies as Remember the Titans or Miracle or Coach Carter or other such nonsense. But realistically this here is a two horse race. When it comes down to it, it’s either Hoosiers or Chariots of Fire. No other sports movies even come close (well, maybe Rudy). Me, in the end, I’m going to have to go with Chariots of Fire mostly because I think the message is a little more powerful, but Hoosiers definitely comes in as a strong 2nd.

Best Movie Series (remember, I made these genres up so no complaining). Now this was a tough choice, and I mean tough. I mean honestly, so many choices. However, in the end, by a whisker the choice has to be the Harry Potter series. Of course, I know I’m going to get a lot of complaints about this, but quite frankly, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean the movie’s got a great message, a great story, and all those awesome British actors (think how much funnier movies would be if Hollywood would have been in England instead of California). Not only that, but eventually there are going to be eight of them. Pure heaven.

Best Action Movie: Bourne Identity. This whole series is pretty amazing so this pick is mostly just trying to ease Matt Damon’s feelings since I didn’t pick him and the Bourne Series for Best Series. Sorry Matt no hard feelings right.

Best Chick Flick: Today I asked my classes for help with this. Their answers were pathetic so I’m still deciding. I’ll get back to you when I come up with one.

Best Musical: My Fair Lady. Easy choice here. Every interaction I had with those of the female gender in high school was based off of Henry Higgins’ interactions with Eliza. It obviously didn't serve me too well, but what can you do.

Best Animated Film: Beauty and the Beast. I have three reasons for choosing this: 1) Belle is the prettiest Disney princess ever (and don‘t even try to argue because you‘ll be wrong), 2) Belle is always modestly dressed (that’s right, I’m talking to you Jasmine and Arielle), and 3) Belle falls in love with a beast, that gives ugly people like me and my brother Big Stew hope.

Best M Night Shayamalan Film: Signs. I’m pretty sure Brother Shayamalan read D&C 122:7 and then sat down and made this movie. No joke.

Best Thinking Film (by “thinking film” I mean one of those slower films that‘s usually pretty sad, but thought provoking): Shadowlands is the clear cut winner here. Dead Poets Society comes in a close second, but nothing beats my man Clive Staples (Editor’s Note: This movie is even better after you read The Last Battle by the way)

Best Feature Film For Families: Buttercream Gang. Bewitching of Ben Wagner and Split Infinity are right up there, but in the end, the Buttercream Gang definitely takes the cake. Plus the Buttercream Gang has a better soundtrack.

Best Scary Movie: Wait Until Dark. An oldie but a goodie. Course, I’m not really a scare movie fan so I haven’t seen a lot, but I have a really hard time imagining any movie could be scarier than this one.

And that’s all.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Long Live the King

Here I sit in my living room listening to a little bit of music goodness. I just returned from a movie watching with my little brother Chadwin. We saw Race to Witch Mountain which was quite enjoyable. I’d recommend it to all (except Stephen Frandsen because he doesn’t like good movies).

Anyway, I’ve got a couple of questions which I’ve been contemplating of late.

- How do people (mostly women, I believe) handle walking in high heels. I see people wearing high heels and I'm just amazed how they can keep balance when all their weight is landing on that tiny stiletto heal. Remarkable.

- Where does this abundant dislike of my favorite town in the whole wide world come from? I mean in the last month I’ve heard absolutely nothing positive about that mecca of beauty known as the Goshen. It’s time people repent of their prejudices.

- Can my singles ward get any weirder? I’m not sure, but I don’t think so. I invite all to my ward, married or single, just so they can experience the Santaquin Singles Branch. It’s an unforgettable experience . . . and strangely addicting.

- Why can’t the Cougars win an NCAA tournament game? How about next time we get an invitation we just turn it down, spare ourselves the pain, and go to the NIT instead.

- Why are people so hard on teenagers? I work with them everyday and I’ll tell you, low-riding pants aside, they’re pretty amazing people.

- That said, how in the wide world did the Ry-masta bringin da disasta possibly get an A in my class? He must have cheated off someone ‘cause I swear he just sleeps everyday in class. Some things I will never understand.

- Why can’t all of life be like elementary school? I mean, it’s not like I don’t enjoy my current status, but there’s just nothing to compare with the goodness that is elementary school (especially recess). Heaven will probably be like elementary school with plenty of Kebabs and Crème Soda.

And that’s all.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

yes, it's amazingly true . . .

Some of you will remember that my New Year’s Resolution was to go on at least one date a month this year. Well, I’m one for stinking five on my dating attempts so far (and the one that did go won’t even associate with me anymore) so the following is my attempt to assure myself that although I’m socially handicapped, slowly going bald, and ridiculously overweight, there are still worthwhile traits which I possess as far as the dating goes. This is the list of my top ten.

1 - I don’t do drugs.

2 - I’m straight.

3 - I own a sweet green minivan.

4 - I’m not completely bald yet.

5 - I don’t have leprosy.

6 - I own a house in the sweetest town in the United States of America.

7 - I don’t swear (except when I have to put up light fixtures in said house).

8 - I didn’t go to the University of Utah.

9 - I’ve never beaten up my mother (which goes hand in hand with number eight by the way).

10 - I‘ve never even tried to assassinate anyone.

Also receiving consideration (but not quite worthy of the top ten):

- I have at least ten pair of shoes

- I know how to use "who" and "whom" correctly

- I know how to read.

- My baseball team won the sportsmanship award when I was in second grade.

Okay, I feel a lot better now.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Hello, hello, hello.

- First, let me apologize that I have yet to add some pictures of my sweet house to this here report. They are forthcoming, but you must be patient. As my first handyman operation, I replaced a lite fixture. Good huh. I did not get electrocuted and the lite even works so we’re definitely making progress.

- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has a fantastic soundtrack. I have it if you’d like to borrow it or if you run into my cousin Zenock he has the whole thing memorized so he’ll just sing it to you.

- I have come to one conclusion this week: I definitely should’ve been an elementary school teacher. I connect much better with second graders than I do with eleventh graders.

- This week I bought plane tickets to London, Zurich, and Vienna. Not bad eh.

- Today I was talking to this girl and she said that she likes to meet new people. Can you believe that? Weird. I didn’t think such people actually existed. I hate meeting new people. All those awkward pauses and boring questions. How can someone actually enjoy that?

- The hardest commandment to keep in the Mormonified church: fasting. All those other commandments are easy compared to fasting. Giving away 10% of my income—no problem; no premarital sex—no big deal; no drugs or alcohol—easy; go to church every Sunday—sure; go 24 hours without eating once a month—what?! hey now, that might be going a little too far . . .

- Since I’ve purchased myself a new house, I now attend a new singles ward. I tell you, singles wards are weird places (and for your information, BYU student wards don’t really count as singles wards ‘cause there’s just not enough variety, everybody’s the same in those wards). Anyway, when a new guy like me walks in, the sundry thought processes of the different groups are as follows:
- The sisters are thinking “Hey, is he hot?” (in my case: no)
- The brothers are thinking “So is he as cool as me?” (no again)
- The bishopric is thinking “Does he play the piano?” (regrettably)
- and I’m thinking: “Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me.”
I tell you, that’s exactly what they and I are thinking. It’s always the same every time. I think I’m going to ask the next girl I see to marry me just so I don’t have to go through this ever again.

- Since the Mormon world has their own movies and their own music, I’m thinking we should start our own video games. Serious. The first one should be on the Book of Mormon. Think about it, one level could be on Teancum, one could be on Moroni trying to get to the Hill Cumorah, one could be on Nephi trying to get to the Promised Land, one could be on the Stripling Warriors. It’s a gold mine I tell you, a gold mine (and I only ask for 10% of the profits if someone steals my idea).


Monday, February 23, 2009

The Wait is Over

My Ma, my Pa, little C., and I are currently watching the Jazz play the Hawks. This is our family home evening for the week (Kirilenko just nailed a 20 footer).

I’m pleased to notify you that the waiting is over and the rumors are verily true. I have indeed purchased myself my very first home. My family tried to talk me out of it, but I was not to be denied (I despise my family anyway though so it’s not like I ever listen to their opinions in the first place).

As to where it is located, it’s in the sweetest town in the United States.

Having purchased said house, I thought of the following:

- Maybe now I’ll actually learn how to cook. I highly, highly, highly doubt it, but who knows. Course, since the town I live in only has a gas station, I suppose I’d better learn to cook or I’m going to be eating an awful lot of twinkies and beef jerky.

- To be honest, I really don’t know if I can survive if I have to do my own laundry. I had to do laundry for two whole years on my mission and I nearly died. And don’t even bring up that whole ironing business. (Ironing is possibly the only thing worse than going on blind dates, but that’s up for grabs).

- I have no handyman abilities. If anything ever breaks in my house, I’m pretty sure I’m just going to sit on the floor and cry.

- My living room has ugly, ugly carpet. That’s one of the first orders of business: new carpet in the living room (put in by someone besides myself of course).

- Kyle Korver has a sweet shot.

- I have neighbors now. I'm worried that they might come visit me. That would be weird to have neighbors come to visit just me and not my parents. I think I’ll avoid them as much as possible. I’m going to be one of those neighbors that people never really see and are always kind of worried about. That reminds me of this story I once read called “A Rose for Emily.”

- However, although I don’t want to meet my neighbors, I sure do hope the Relief Society brings me some meals when they find out there’s a new move in. The less I cook, the better I think.

- I’m kind of scared to go to the gas station in my town. From the way it looks on the outside, they probably really do stockpile weapons in their basement.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts. Maybe next time I'll be having some pictures for all y'all.

Monday, February 16, 2009

oh strahlender morgen

Hello, it is now 6:07 in the post meridian and I just got through watching the movie Charade with my father. I haven’t written for a couple of weeks because I was waiting. I’m still waiting, but I can’t hold back any longer.

Here are the items to note:

- Blind dates are still enemy number one in the Book of Wright. The sure way for me to start to avoid you is by offering to set me up on a blind date. I think I avoid about 98 percent of the people in my parents’ ward nowadays. In fact, the other day I sang in their ward and I left before the closing prayer just so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.

- I just read through my opening paragraph and I had at least 75.2 spelling errors that I had to correct. What is wrong with me? I think my students and their writing skills (or lack thereof) are really starting to rub off.

- I’m not going to give out my full Favorite People List, but Ashley Ekins is definitely on there (and yes Ashlee, I realize I spelled your name wrong, but that is to show you that although you might be on my list, that still doesn’t mean you control me).

- One of my students notified me this week that I’m going bald (as if I didn’t already know). That’s one thing I love about high school students: absolutely no tact. And they wonder why they all have self-esteem issues.

- The heating in my sweet minivan is currently out of commission. Do you have any idea how cold it is in the morning driving to work since I have to keep the air-conditioning on so the windows don’t fog up? (and yes I realize that was horrible sentence structure.)

- I had a dance practice on Saturday and to my great relief I do believe that I’ve progressed in my dancer status. I think I’ve gone from “utterly ridiculous and embarrassing” to “needs improvement.” Give me five more years and I’m pretty sure I can reach “bearable” status.

- I’ve had a major break through: I no longer hate Kobe Bryant.

- Have you ever seen Watcher in the Woods? It’s a definite must see. Rent it from your local movie rental place right now. I promise you won’t regret it.

- I’m determined to be kinder to referees from here on out. Rough job that.

And with that, ciao

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I was tagged. The assignment: write 25 random facts about me. Not a hard assignment, I must confess.

1. For some reason, when I was little, I used to be obsessed with cigarettes. Really. In fact, I used to wonder if my parents didn’t secretly smoke in their bedrooms when we kids weren’t watching (my dad was a seminary teacher). Also, when I was maybe six or seven I saw a cigarette on the ground (you know, an old used one) and I picked it up and put it in my mouth to see what it tasted like.

2. I used to lick the dirt and grime off car bumpers (yes REAL cars) because I liked the taste so much. Scouts honor, I did.

3. EFY music rocks. Stephen Frandsen does not.

4. I’m kind of an airhead.

5. When I was in Mr. Daniel’s fifth grade history class we had a unit on the American Revolution. From that point on I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up: a high school history teacher. Living the dream baby, living the dream.

6. Sixth grade was easily the worst year of my life. I’m sure that’s how outer darkness will be.

7. I have absolutely no idea why people talk to me. Really, if I weren’t me, I wouldn’t talk to me at all. I’d avoid me at all costs.

8. I’ve never met anyone who has even remotely close to the same taste in movies that I have.

9. I hate having to carry on conversation in a group of people. I can’t do it.

10. I have a horrible temper. I’ve mostly learned to control it, but some days (like today) I lose it and boy oh boy, things get ugly really fast. And then I hate myself for the next couple of hours.
11. I’m the most self-conscious person I’ve ever met (which is one of the causes of my temper tantrum today).

12. When I was three I was sitting by a girl in California. I had seen people kiss in movies so I decided I would kiss this girl on the cheek. After the deed was done my brothers teased me until I started crying (which could explain why I never kissed another girl until I was 25).

13. I fear two things. I’m not going to tell you either one.

14. I have no lenses in my eyes. They were both taken out by Dr. Teske of the Moran Eye Center when I was growing up.

15. I used to watch Full House religiously when I was in fourth grade.

16. When I was growing up my three older brothers and I would play sports non-stop (Daniel and I against Aaron and Jared) and without fail our games would always end with me walking away crying. Always. No wonder my brothers hated me.

17. Les Miserables in my favorite musical of all time. When I was in seventh grade I used to
listen to it all the time when I went to bed. In fact, I memorized that whole cassette.

18. I have no idea how I made it through my mission. To think that I woke up every morning at 6:30 for two years is absolutely mind-boggling (well, ALMOST every morning, I think I slept-in four times).

19. I don’t think Joseph Smith was lying.

20. High school students are absolutely phenomenal. I look up to and respect them a whole lot more than they probably realize.

21. Best president of all time: George “The Man” Washington. You try and start a nation why don’t you.

22. Swiss German is the language spoken in heaven (ironic since so few of them are headed in that direction presently).

23. I’m WAY more lenient with the students that I like. Anybody who says teachers don’t have favorites is lying.

24. I still struggle with the uber-sociality of dance teams. I mean, I handle it a lot better than my first couple years folk dancing, but I it still overwhelms me at times. They are so friendly; I just don’t get it.

25. I have lots of acquaintances, but very few people I would consider friends. Course, if you ask me if you’re one of my friends, I’ll most likely say “yes” in order to be polite, but just know that you’re probably not.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A New President

Today is inauguration day. I have this to say about that.

1. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m excited for Brother Obama to be president. I think he’ll be alright
2. As I don’t think I’ve yet mentioned, I think President George W. Bush did a fine job as president. Some things I haven’t entirely agreed with, but overall, I think he did just fine. I for one am glad that I voted for him.
3. Some of you might think items one and two are mutually exclusive. I obviously disagree.

I’d like to complain a little bit. I can’t handle the way people write these days. Here are my complaints.
1. This whole text messaging craze has made it so there’s absolutely no standardization in capitalization or spelling (kind of like back in the 1800s). It gives me a headache trying to read email messages these days.
2. What’s the deal with writing “haha” or “jk” all the time? Listen, if you’d learn how to write, the words themselves would express whether something you wrote/read was funny or not funny or meant to be a joke or meant to be sarcastic or whatever.

Two other items of interest
1. The last two nites I’ve woken up at exactly 4:20 a.m. Interesting no.
2. Sunday I went to a fireside. After the fireside I went to my car and what do you know, but that a FULL can of Bud Lite was laying on my windshield. Apparently, somebody from Benjamin (at least, that's where I figure they were from) saw there was a fireside going on and thought it would be humorous to give everybody (or maybe just me) a Bud Lite. Clever prank, but awfully expensive.

Good day

Saturday, January 10, 2009

You know, I started out writing these things every Monday, but somewhere along the line I got my days mixed up. So, I apologize to all of you who are offended by me writing on a Saturday instead of a Monday.

- My head aches. I’ve been grading for the last five million hours. Grading is the one element of teaching that I don’t like (well, sometimes I don’t really like the teaching part either, but that depends on the day).

- Today was my career debut as a fifth grade boys basketball coach. We got demolished. But don’t worry, there’s always next week (and maybe then we’ll even get to double digits).

- I’m 27. You’d think by this age I’d be able to talk to girls to whom I’m attracted without feeling/looking/talking like an idiot. But no. I saw this girl this week and after I was done talking to her I wanted to go stick my head in a hole. BUT . . . I watched Beauty and Beast today and it gave me hope.

- Guess what, I asked a girl on a date this week. She was busy (at least that’s what she said), but I asked. Good huh. So now I don’t have to ask again until February (I know some of you are saying to yourselves that my New Year’s Resolution was to GO on a date once a month, but what you don’t know is that there was actually an addendum which I didn’t post on this here web log which stated that asking was just as good as going . . . so there).

- Not only did I ask a girl on a date, but I also went to a party. True I only lasted about one hour, but I went and that’s really saying something.

- Just to clear up some rumors, I will never, ever cheer for the University of Utah (i.e. Babylon). I don’t care whom they’re playing, or who’s on their team, or anything. To cheer for them is to abandon everything I stand for.

- Kurt Warner is rad. So is Donovan McNabb. Ben Roethlisberger is not. Neither is Eli Manning (although his brother Payton most surely is).


Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Man Silvester

A couple of years ago I stopped making New Year's Resolutions. I figured it was kind of pointless since I never actually followed through with my resolutions (in fact, by about Jan 4th or 5th I wasn't even be able to remember what they were). However, I think it is time to return to this time-honored tradition.

So . . .

I hereby resolve:

1 - To not do drugs. Bad, bad, bad.

2 - To go on a date at least once a month. Once a month isn’t too much to ask is it. I can do it, I know I can.

3 - To not say “shut-up” to my students. I did it once last year, but I promise it won’t happen this year (and don’t worry, I gave extra credit to the class in which I said “shut up”).

4 - To not lose all my hair (this might prove to be more difficult than resolution number two).

5 - To not be the worst dance on my dance team this year when we go to Europe (Croatia, Slovenia, and Germany are this years’ destination by the way).

6 - To do as little manual labor as humanly possible (this might be somewhat problematic since Speedy Dub is on his mission and he was the one who did all the real work around here, but I’m awfully good at faking a sudden attack of Cholera).

7 - To not get any fatter. I can barely get through the door these days since I’m so unskinnified. More running, less eating, that’s the key.

8 - To watch more of the Cosby Show. I'm addicted.

And I wish you all a nice New Year