Some of you will remember that my New Year’s Resolution was to go on at least one date a month this year. Well, I’m one for stinking five on my dating attempts so far (and the one that did go won’t even associate with me anymore) so the following is my attempt to assure myself that although I’m socially handicapped, slowly going bald, and ridiculously overweight, there are still worthwhile traits which I possess as far as the dating goes. This is the list of my top ten.
1 - I don’t do drugs.
2 - I’m straight.
3 - I own a sweet green minivan.
4 - I’m not completely bald yet.
5 - I don’t have leprosy.
6 - I own a house in the sweetest town in the United States of America.
7 - I don’t swear (except when I have to put up light fixtures in said house).
8 - I didn’t go to the University of Utah.
9 - I’ve never beaten up my mother (which goes hand in hand with number eight by the way).
10 - I‘ve never even tried to assassinate anyone.
Also receiving consideration (but not quite worthy of the top ten):
- I have at least ten pair of shoes
- I know how to use "who" and "whom" correctly
- I know how to read.
- My baseball team won the sportsmanship award when I was in second grade.
Okay, I feel a lot better now.