Hello, hello, hello.
- First, let me apologize that I have yet to add some pictures of my sweet house to this here report. They are forthcoming, but you must be patient. As my first handyman operation, I replaced a lite fixture. Good huh. I did not get electrocuted and the lite even works so we’re definitely making progress.
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has a fantastic soundtrack. I have it if you’d like to borrow it or if you run into my cousin Zenock he has the whole thing memorized so he’ll just sing it to you.
- I have come to one conclusion this week: I definitely should’ve been an elementary school teacher. I connect much better with second graders than I do with eleventh graders.
- This week I bought plane tickets to London, Zurich, and Vienna. Not bad eh.
- Today I was talking to this girl and she said that she likes to meet new people. Can you believe that? Weird. I didn’t think such people actually existed. I hate meeting new people. All those awkward pauses and boring questions. How can someone actually enjoy that?
- The hardest commandment to keep in the Mormonified church: fasting. All those other commandments are easy compared to fasting. Giving away 10% of my income—no problem; no premarital sex—no big deal; no drugs or alcohol—easy; go to church every Sunday—sure; go 24 hours without eating once a month—what?! hey now, that might be going a little too far . . .
- Since I’ve purchased myself a new house, I now attend a new singles ward. I tell you, singles wards are weird places (and for your information, BYU student wards don’t really count as singles wards ‘cause there’s just not enough variety, everybody’s the same in those wards). Anyway, when a new guy like me walks in, the sundry thought processes of the different groups are as follows:
- The sisters are thinking “Hey, is he hot?” (in my case: no)
- The brothers are thinking “So is he as cool as me?” (no again)
- The bishopric is thinking “Does he play the piano?” (regrettably)
- and I’m thinking: “Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me.”
I tell you, that’s exactly what they and I are thinking. It’s always the same every time. I think I’m going to ask the next girl I see to marry me just so I don’t have to go through this ever again.
- Since the Mormon world has their own movies and their own music, I’m thinking we should start our own video games. Serious. The first one should be on the Book of Mormon. Think about it, one level could be on Teancum, one could be on Moroni trying to get to the Hill Cumorah, one could be on Nephi trying to get to the Promised Land, one could be on the Stripling Warriors. It’s a gold mine I tell you, a gold mine (and I only ask for 10% of the profits if someone steals my idea).