Six Months

Today is December 27, 2009. This means that my dad died exactly six months ago today. It was the first time in my life that somebody really close to me passed away. This is what I’ve experienced. - Everybody mourns differently.

- My worldview has changed completely. Nothing is quite the same anymore. Words have different meanings. Movies have different messages. And I feel different somehow.

- Sad stories are a little sadder. Painful stories are a little more painful. Everything is a little more poignant.

- I’m not as happy as I used to be, but I am more at peace. This fact has made me realize that true knowledge and understanding only come with a price I suppose.

- My parents’ house is still peaceful and beautiful. When my dad was sick I was afraid that it would turn into a depressing place. It hasn’t.

- I don’t regret things I could have/should have done differently with Dad. I’m only sad that he won’t be around in the future to see the things I accomplish.

- My mother is amazing. I do not understand her pain (to suddenly be without somebody you spent everyday with for 30 years is hard for me to comprehend), but she handles it brilliantly.

- I could not handle death without the Gospel. If my dad died and I didn’t believe in God, I would be devastated beyond repair.

- Looking back, I can’t understand why I wasn’t happier when he was around. After all, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to see him now.

- I think there have been other trials in my life that have been just as painful in that moment. The thing with death is that you can’t fix it. If you lose your job or get fired, you can go look for another. If you go bankrupt, you can start making money again. If you get your heart broken you can start looking for somebody else. But death . . . there’s no getting around.

- The kindness that people showed my dad and my family was truly inspiring. People are good: from my students to people I had never met before to the ward members.

- “The aching may remain, but the breaking does not.”

- There are worse things than death.

- I have much more respect for those who have experienced this before I did. The way they handle it so gracefully helps me to also endure.

- My dad is here sometimes. . . somehow.

- I can't wait to see him again.

A few things to note:

- I am tired. The last couple of days I’ve spent every free moment correcting my students’ research papers. Correcting papers is easily the worst part of teaching. No contest.

- The worst part of coaching? Ridiculous parents who think their child is God’s gift to athletics (which they obviously can’t be since I’m that). How otherwise respectable parents can be so obviously biased and not recognize it is beyond me. Maybe when I have my own kids I’ll understand, but until then I remain amazed.

- I still don’t like the snow.

- However, I do like potato chips, Welch’s grape juice, rice krispy treats, pickles, and Monday Nite Football.

- I also really like the song “Remember When” by Alan Jackson

- I know 2009 isn’t quite over yet, but I think I’m safe in saying this is definitely one of the hardest years of my life (and not just because the Yankees, the Lakers, and the Steelers all won their respective championships this season, although that definitely added to it). I’ll tell you, as far as pure difficulty goes, it’s right up there with ‘92-‘94 and ‘05. It’s sure been a doozy, I’ll tell you that right now (could someone please spell check “doozy” for me).

- I have a speaking part in the Goshen Ward Christmas sacrament meeting this Sunday. I’m pretty sure I’m going to dominate; I’ve been practicing all week (and I would just like to say right now that if my voice cracks I’m going inactive).

- This is a recent exchange in one of my classes.
Me: Class, do you like my sweater? I bought it for a dollar.
Student: Yeah, we can tell.

- I would also like you to know that I really like the song “Raining in Baltimore” by the Counting Crows. Fantastic.

- Have I mentioned that the heater doesn’t work in my sweet minivan? Yeah, it’s not quite as sweet anymore. But no, it is not for sale, so don’t even think about trying to buy it off me. NOT FOR SALE.

- Finally, let me end on a positive note. I would just like to you to know that I won a basketball three point contest the other day (yes, it was with a bunch of sophomore girls whom I coach, but I still won and that’s all that matters).

I do not like the snow or the cold or the ice or the more coldness. In fact, I can’t think of anything good that comes with snow. Nothing. However, as you know, my sister K-Dawg will not allow me to complain too much, so I’m going to write about the one good thing that does come this time of year: Christmas.

What I Like About Christmas

- The fact that I get to watch the Muppets Christmas Carol and It’s A Wonderful Life (I used to hate this movie by the way). I mean, I obviously can watch them anytime, but it’s just better when it’s the actual season.

- Making fun of people with icicle lights on their house (which includes my mother's home).

- All the good food.

- Christmas Presents. Some people will try and tell you they would rather give than receive. Not me. I mean, giving’s okay, but come on, does anything is this world beat waking up Christmas morning and opening presents.

- Christmas music. I should clarify this “Christmas Music”. I actually really dislike that pop Christmas music nonsense (hurts my ears that stuff). But give me some nice Christmas songs sung but a respectable choir and I won’t complain.

- College and professional football. I know it doesn’t actually have anything to do with Christmas, but it is at the same time and I love it.

- The Christmas Spirit. People always complain about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’m not one of those people. I think, compared to the rest of the year, people are still a lot more caring and considerate (even if they are a little bit obsessed with getting the best deal).

- The Hansen Christmas Party. I still love going to Grandma's house.

- Our family Christmas party. I generally don’t hate my family.

- The First Presidency Christmas Devotional. (Although this year I was sitting watching with a bunch of people who would not stop talking. I wanted to knock them all out, but I wasn’t too sure that would be the most effective way of paying better attention to the speakers).

- That fact that it means the semester is almost over.

- Charlie Brown's Christmas.

And that will do for now I think. Actually, let me show you some pictures.

This is me being crowned Mr. Mistletoe in high school at our Christmas Dance. I dislike dances about as much as I dislike snow.



This is me and big Stew. From the looks of things, I think we hated the snow even then, especially big Stew

Thanksgiving

Note: I writed this on Tuesday. If I had writed it today, my Cougs definitely would've been on there . . .

Here I am coming home from Lehi on a Nebo School District bus just enjoying a little Mormon Tabernacle Choir as I write this here note/web log entry. Our teams lost today. But that’s okay. They played hard and I didn’t feel like a complete idiot as a coach (which is kind of what I expected to feel like).

This week, as you may or may not know (you British people might be unaware at least), is Thanksgiving. I really, really like Thanksgiving; it’s easily my third favorite holiday behind my birthday and Christmas. Anyway, since it be Thanksgiving, I’ve decided to write about what I’m thankful for. My Mormonite leaders are always telling me to be more thankful so today I’m going to make an attempt. I hope you don’t mind.

My List of Thanks

- I’m grateful for my job. I realize I’m an average teacher and probably slightly below average coach, but when all is said and done, I love going to work and I don’t think I can ask for more than that. Plus, any job is a blessing in these times right.

- I’m thankful for Autumn. Summer’s too hot, winter’s too cold, and spring has too many allergens. Fall is perfect.

- I’m thankful for good movies. I added several to my list last week: Blindside, Night Crossing, and Sabrina (the old school version)

- I’m thankful for my mission. Nothing has affected me so deeply and so strongly. I will never be the same because of it and I would give anything to go back.

- I’m thankful for my brothers and sisters. As far as siblings go they ain’t half bad. And I guess my brothers and sisters in law are bearable as well.

- I’m thankful for sports. For one thing, they’re the reason I have a job. For another, they’re kind of enjoyable to watch/play. And I’m really thankful for Monday Nite Football. It provides one time per week that I can watch the NFL without feeling guilty.

- I’m thankful for Mormonite stuff.

- I’m thankful for sleep. It’s what I look forward to every day.

- I’m thankful for my A3 class. It’s the other thing I look forward to each day. They’re pretty dad-gum rad, even if a couple of them are obsessed with George Strait.

- I’m thankful for Christmas. Can you imagine how depressing winter would be without the Christmas season.

- I’m thankful for beautiful music. Right now I’m listening to “My Shepherd Will Supply” by the Mormon Choir. It definitely qualifies.

- I’m thankful for General Conference. It is quite possibly the only thing I look forward to more than Christmas.

- I’m thankful for my books. I don’t read enough. I need to read more. Any good book suggestions? (and if you suggest a book and it’s not good, I will rip all your toenails off, so beware)

- I’m thankful for great people who do great things. Like I said, this week I watched a movie called Night Crossing. How people ever get the courage to do such amazing things I will never know.

- I’m grateful for true friends. I don’t know that I have very many, but I couldn’t live without the ones that I do have.

- I’m thankful for all of my sweaters. I’m kind of the sweater king around these parts and I find that pretty cool.

- I’m thankful for the dinner that comes at the end of Fast Sunday.

- I’m thankful for my fantastic stake president Chad the Rowley and the fantastic stake president I had before him President Roy Silcox.

- I’m thankful for my missionary trainer Elder Stuart Russell. He was an amazing missionary.

- I’m thankful for heaters in automobiles.

- And last but not least, I’m thankful for my amazing mother and my great father. May God bless them both.

P.S. I’m thankful for a lot of other stuff too, but this is what came to mind.

Lists and More Lists

I kind of get excited for these posts where I don’t really know what I’m going to type. I just kind of start typing and see where it takes me. I’m always hoping that maybe something profound will present itself (of course that never actually happens, but it’s worth hoping right).

So, I have a couple of things to note.

One: Today is the ninth anniversary since the day I entered the empty sea. That’s right, on Nov 1, 2000 I left my beautiful Salem and journeyed to the faraway Provo. It was the start of some kind of crazy two years I can tell you. The four most depressing days on my mission were:
- The second day being in Switzerland. I was cold, tired, and we didn’t have one appointment all day (in fact, we didn’t have an appointment until I had been in the field five days).
- The day my sister got married (Have I forgiven my sister for getting married when I was on my mission yet? No)
- The day I found out my kicking coach died.
- The day I went home

Two: As I’ve said before, October is a great sports month. You’ve got the World Series, football, and the NBA starting so I think I’m going to list my five greatest sports memories of all time (in no particular order)
- UCLA beating Missouri in the NCAA basketball tournament in 1995. Edney drove the lane with four seconds and made a sweet layup. It was awesome.
- Me scoring a goal against Timpview my senior year. First time I had ever scored, first time we had ever beat Timpview (too bad I didn’t get my first kiss after the game, that would have completed it)
- Me pitching the winning game of the UBBA tournament in seventh grade. We beat the White Sox, I only gave up three runs.
- The Braves winning the World Series in 1995. I love Greg Maddux.
- The Spurs winning the NBA championship in 2003. I love David Robinson.

Three: The other day I went to visit my friend. She had just started to date this bloke and was wondering about what things should be deal breakers in a relationship (you know, we’re supposed to put up with imperfections, but some things just break the deal right there). Here are some of my deal breakers for any future prospect:
- She can’t accept my obsession with sports.
- She doesn’t get along with her parents.
- She’s not comfortable with silence.
- She doesn’t like the movie Shadowlands.
- She supports the University of Utah (really)

Four: This brings me to another topic, which is: what are the best chick flicks I’ve ever seen. This topic came to my attention the other day when I watched the movie Emma. I really, really liked it and have thus compiled my list. It is as follows (again in no particular order):
- Beauty and the Beast
- Emma
- Runaway Bride
- The Shop Around the Corner
- Becoming Jane
- Shadowlands
- The Lake House
- Wives and Daughters
- Casablanca

Five: Well, for this one I was going to put my list of favorite Apostles but I wasn’t really sure that was appropriate. So instead, I’ve decided to list the favorite books I’ve ever read (all scriptural texts excepted of course). This list is off the top of my head, so I might be forgetting some, but this will do for now.
- David Copperfield
- The Chosen
- The Hiding Place
- The Last Battle (C.S. Lewis)
- Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites
- A Passage to India
- Dracula

And that's all

Before I begin, let me just say this specific entry was inspired by a Ms. Catherine Curtis, one of the most fascinating people I know. It, of course, does not compare to her manifesto, but hopefully has some merit of its own. Understand also that it is a quest of a lifetime to align my beliefs with my actions. I’m trying.

I BELIEVE . . .

- in never giving up on something or someone you believe in . . . ever.

- in living after you die.

- in teenagers. I’m humbled and blessed to be able to work with them everyday. They teach me more than I could ever teach them.

- that the great ones of the past look down on us.

- in trying to do better.

- in looking for the best in people, especially what they themselves have overlooked.

- in our National Pastime.

- in endlessly and persistently acquiring knowledge.

- in beautiful music. My current favorites: Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony, “Homeward Bound,” and “I Love the Lord.”

- in the power of poetry. I read some Langston Hughes poems yesterday. Good.

- in giving the people the benefit of the doubt and trusting them even if they occasionally don’t deserve it.

- in cultivating language.

- in the grace of a loving God.

- in reading. I’m currently reading the Chronicles of Prydain. Very good.

- in not being critical (that’s one I’m definitely still working on that one).

- in watching, and listening, and observing.

- in silence. If there’s one thing that I do worry about with the rising generation, it’s that they don’t know how to handle stillness. They always have someone to text or something to listen to, which is, I think, to their detriment.

- in taking time to think.

- that you get out what you put in.

- in my amazing mother and my not too distant father.

- that there are indeed prophets in the land.

- in nature. I’m convinced that sunsets, mountains, lakes, and rivers are indeed God’s artwork.

- in the Beautiful Game.

- that people and their needs should always take precedence over things.

- that zufall gibt es nicht.

- in taking the road less traveled.

Why I'm Not Complaining

Well hello there. I’m sitting here at the computer wondering what I’m going to do tonite. I don’t have any games to coach, there are no football games on, no baseball games on, and basketball is only in the preseason (whoever watches preseason games has serious problems). So since I ain’t got nothing to do, I figure I’ll do a little bit of literary pondering.

First off, I’d like to refer back to my goal made in January that I would average asking at least one girl on a date per month. I’m happy to report that I have in fact asked a girl out 14 times this year (meaning I won’t have to ask again this year and I’m still good and yes, I do keep track). However, since my sister Karen won’t let me complain anymore, I’m not going to tell you how many have actually said yes, but just know that it is below 25 percent (and I haven’t been on one second date, which means even the few that did say “yes” were what my students would call “pity dates”).

But I’m not going to complain, and here’s why:

1. I got the Final Jeopardy question right the other day. How amazing is that. I can almost guarantee you’ve never done that before.
2. I just got a haircut from my mother and it looks pretty dad-gum good if I do say so myself.
3. My girl’s soccer team scored more region goals this year than they have in the last four years combined.
4. My Colts are 5-0, my Cougs are 4-1, and my Spurs acquired Richard Jefferson in the off-season.
5. My mom is at this very moment making me dinner.
6. I drive the sweetest car in the valley.
7. I am acquainted with the residents of Chatsworth Four (I’m actually not sure if that’s how you spell it though).
8. For lunch today I ate raw cookie dough and had a soda.
9. I don’t do drugs.
10. I can tell you my eleven times tables up to 100 without a calculator.
11. My favorite people list is constantly getting larger. In fact, I have met several people these last couple months who are definitely making their way to those most coveted “Top Ten” spots. I, of course, can’t say who’s on it, but you might be (by the way, I found my favorite people list from high school the other day. Very interesting because back then I actually did write down who was on the list).
12. My brother Big Stew is still shorter than I am.
13. I’m a Moroni (you know, Mormon’s an amazing man, but I connect just a little bit better with Moroni).
14. We just had General Conference (I call that Elder Holland is my missionary companion in the Spirit World, just saying).
15. I have a job (and not only do I have a job, but it’s a pretty spectacular job at that, even if the Ry-Masta and Squanto are no longer in any of my classes and my TA’s are ridiculous).
16. I ran a bleacher mile yesterday without having to throw-up, which is pretty good.

And there you have it. Who can complain about not getting a date when I’ve got all that going for me you know.