Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Mr. Scrooge

It’s Christmas time and despite what I tell my students every December, I love Christmas. I love it for a lot of reasons, one of the many being all the free time I get (by the way, that’s one of the great things about being a teacher, I still get my Christmas break). As part of my free time, I’ve decided to update this here web log (yes, I realize I update it even if I don’t have free time, but that’s beside the point isn’t it).

Anyway, here’s the information for this week:

- I read the book The Chosen this past weekend. Absolutely fantastic. One of the top five books I’ve read in my lifetime. I cried almost as much as Danny and Reuven at the end of the book. I recommend it to all.

- I signed up on LDSsingles.com and let me tell you, it was worth it signing up just to see the questions they ask when signing up. A sampling: “How regularly do you attend church.” “What is your temple worthiness.” “Did you serve a mission?” And all this time I thought my bishop was supposed to ask those questions.

- I’m still not listening to Christmas music.

- One day I really want to post my “favorite people of all time” list on this here weblog. However, since I know there would be some offended by not being on it (and probably more who would be offended by being on it) said list remains safely hidden away. But don’t you worry, it does exist and I cannot be bribed (unless the tendency to bribe me is an inherent part of your nature, in which case you‘re probably already on the list).

- This is the first year since I got back from my mission that I don’t have to do any shopping for presents the week of Christmas. I don’t think you understand how proud I am of myself.

- I really, really don’t think they should have sporting events on Christmas day. I mean, think of all those ushers and cameramen who have to work on Christmas day. Ridiculous I say, ridiculous. Same goes with movie theatres. I know people like to go to movies on Christmas, but think of the poor blighters who have to work. It’s a travesty I tell you.

- The more I read the more I’m convinced Obama is going to make a great president. And I don’t use great here hyperbolically. I really think when history looks back, he will be considered a great president (of course, I didn’t vote for him, so if he turns out to be a failure I’ll just remind everybody that I voted for somebody else so it wasn’t my fault he was the president).

- I’m currently listening to the Rudy soundtrack. It is beautiful. I recommend it to all.

And a Merry Christmas

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Gaffer

I have a couple of things to say:

1. My brother, Speedy Dub, is on his mission in the Brazil. From his letters I gather that, in the two weeks he's been in the field, he's already taught more people on his mission than I did in two years on mine (no exageration, really).

2. From the looks of things it appears that the Salem, Utah 84653 is about to get its first traffic lite. Do they have ribbon cuttings for traffic lites? I'm going if'n they do.

3. Sometimes people ask me if teaching is hard. Let me answer that question for any who might wonder: No, it is not hard at all. Honest. We only work from 7:30 to 3:00 (with a forty minute lunch), we work with some of the most incredible people in the world, and we only work about 188 days a year. How can anybody think that would be hard?

4. The past week I saw two movies: Bolt and The Day the Earth Stood Still. I really, really liked both movies, but I especially liked Bolt. It was great and I would recommend it to all people with any taste in good movieness (my favorite character was the agent by the way).

5. I bought stock in Wendys the other day. Hope it doesn't collapse.

6. I'm still not listening to Christmas music. Nope. I'm waiting until just the right time.

7. And finally, I'll end with just a few statements from my students these last couple of weeks:

Situation One: A girl slept in my class and was just waking up--

- Mr Wright: Jane (names have been changed . . .), I hope you enjoyed your nap. At least you'll be awake in your next class
- Jane: Oh don't worry Mr. Wright. I won't fall asleep in my next class. I like my next teacher.

Situation Two: I was handing out an assignment and explaining how my assignments develop knowledge--

- Pete: Ah screw knowledge, let's watch a movie.
- Pam the Cheerleader: Yeah Mr. Wright, we don't learn anything from these stupid assignments anyway.

Situation Three: I was talking to Mr. Rockwood (a fellow social studies teacher) and a student walked up to me

- Tim: Wow Mr. Wright, are you actually carrying on an intelligent conversation.

And that's all.

P.S. My prediction for Super Bowl Champion: The Colts

Friday, December 5, 2008

My New Favorites

I've decided to make a list of some of my new favorite things:

- Taylor Swift's song "Love Story." I love it, love it, love it. In fact, I love it so much, I'm currently listening to it.

- The town of Goshen. I think I'll drive there tomorrow, just for kicks. And while I'm at it, maybe I'll continue on to Eureka and walk around for a little bit.

- The chess game on my computer. It's pretty sweet. I lost my first five games, but since then I've been pretty much unstoppable. Course, I'm only playing level one (it goes up to ten), but still . . .

- My 3A and 2B classes. They make teaching worthwhile. If I didn't think it was so unethical, I'd give them all A's.

- The Killers song "Human." Before I started listening to Sister Swift, I was listening to this song. I don't know why I like it so much, I just do.

- My principal. One of the greatest people I've ever worked with.

- The movie Twilight. Specifically,
A. Cedric Diggory's hair. If I could have my hair be in any style, it would be like that.
B. Alice Cullen's hair. I find that hairstyle mega attractive.
C. Dr. Cullen. No reasoning here, just liked him in the movie and liked him as a character.
D. The whole story line. I've never read the book, so I didn't know anything about what it was. I like it.

- My new coat from the J.C. Penney. It's nice.

- Learning about the stock market. I don't understand it hardly at all, but I'm kind of obsessed with learning about it currently.

- Watching the recordings of a TV show called "The Pretender" which used to air when I was in high school. I love it.

And that's all

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tagged Schon Wieder

Finally, back to normalcy and non-seriousness (I hope you’re all as relieved as I am). My good sister K-Dawn tagged me a bit back and I now respond.


1. Driving to Goshen. (I know I said I wasn’t going to be serious, but I hope you'll forgive this exception). I drove there today and it is definitely one of the coolest places ever. I highly recommend it if you’ve never been there.

2. Eating cheese. I think I’m addicted.

3. Giving tests (easily one of the best things about being a teacher)


1. Going completely and utterly baldified.

2. Going on a date and forgetting my money/debit card. If that ever happened, I think my dating days would be officially over.

3. One day one of my classes (I can picture it now) totally mutinying against me and going absolutely ballistic. In fact, I periodically have nightmares about such an event and I always wake up the next morning a little bit unsure of myself.


1.Not to complain on my web log. I think I’m doing a good job thus far.

2. Not be the worst teacher ever (I’m not saying I AM the worst teacher ever, I’m saying I never want to descend to that status).

3. Learn how to ride a horse. And I don’t mean just sit on a horse as it saunters around. I mean I want to really learn how to ride . . . like the man from Snowy River.

Current obsessions

1. Goshen

2. Playing chess on my computer. I’m really bad (I only win about 33% and that’s on the beginning level) but shoot, once I get started, there’s no stopping me. In fact, I left my laptop at the school today just so that I can try and break my addiction.

3. Trying to figure out why fans and athletes in general are typically so . . . hmmm . . . what’s the word . . . obnoxious. Really, I think about it all the time. Get a fairly decent person, put them in a sports atmosphere, and he/she will suddenly become so obnoxious, biased, and basically unbearable. Madness.


1. Peyton Manning is THE BEST quarterback in the NFL.

2. Christmas music is to be listened to solely during the months of November, December, and January (enjoy it while it lasts Mother).

3. People that root against the Cougars of the B.Y.U. are not going to heaven.

Monday, November 17, 2008

look out, this one's serious and religious

First off, before I begin, Karen don’t worry, I’m not ignoring you, I’ll get to your tag next week.
Now, for today . . .

The other day I went to visit my friends over at the B.Y. (Their names are LJ, Jana B., and the Cat, respectively. Three of the best people you’ll ever meet. If there are any single males out there who want to be set up with one of them, I’m sure I could arrange that). Anyway, during my visit, LJ notified me that my web log was deficient in at least four separate areas. She said I complain too much, I make too many lists, I never write about what I‘m really thinking, and she also complained about her web log link not being on my page.

Well, I’m not going to never put a link to her page on my page, but I do believe that I will acquiesce to those other three demands. So here I go. I’m not going to complain, I’m not going to make a list, and I’m going to write about what I‘ve been really thinking about lately (this will be the first and only time by the way, so enjoy it while it lasts).

For those of you not up to reading something serious, you’d better stop now and wait for next weeks’ edition.

There’s still time to stop . . .

Okay, here you go . . .

So, what have I been thinking about lately? Well, due to my current life situation, I’ve been thinking a lot about two things: one, what is life REALLY like after this one‘s over; and two, what does the future hold for our country and for me.

Both of these questions caused me to think a lot about my religious convictions. When somebody you know is on the verge of dieing or when scores of people around you are questioning the actions of your church leaders, it is a sort of wake up call isn‘t it. Do I believe what I say I believe? Is there really a life after this? If there is, what’s it like? Is it all white with a lot of clouds and harps or what? And, does God really lead the world today through prophets? If He does, how do I know when and where and whom to follow.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about. And what are my conclusions? Well, (don’t worry, I’m not going to list them) I’ve decided that I don’t know much about anything. I have no idea what life will be like after this. I don’t know what is in store in the future. I don’t know what will happen economically, or politically, or spiritually, or ethically in this nation. No idea. Nor do I always understand what the First Presidency is seeing or planning. Nope. I just don’t know.

But I do know a couple of things. I know that God is in control of the events here, especially this nation, even though at times it might not seem like it. He knows what He’s doing. I know that safety lies in following and sustaining the First Presidency, even if they aren’t perfect and even if I don‘t always understand their reasoning. And finally I know that God really is good, that better and more beautiful things await us after this life, and that my dad is in good hands, as are we all. As He so often admonishes us, there really is nothing to fear. Do good and be believing and in the end the loving-kindness of God will take care of the rest.

And that’s all.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Good Sabbath

Well, it’s almost been a whole two weeks since my last posting. I hope you all have enjoyed the slight reprieve from the madness. There’s just been so much to write I had to wait until I had enough time to gather my thoughts and figure out what items were really important enough to put on this here web log.

- First off, this English person I once met named Ruth Sharman Hall has severely reprimanded me for my constant bemoaning of my lack of social skills. Since English people should always be obeyed, my goal: Not to complain for the whole rest of 2008.

- Okay, could somebody please tell me what “lol” means? People use it all the time in all kinds of different places and I, for the very life of me, cannot figure out why. Advise.

- Concerning the recent presidential election (we’re going to have a new president, if you didn’t know), I’m really not too displeased with the choice of Brother Obama. I don’t know too much about his policies (another goal is to read a couple of books about him before January, if you have any suggestions let me know) but I think he’s a swell fellow (course, I could be wrong about that). Really, I think he’ll do a fine job. Which is in stark opposition to the many around these parts who think he’s the devil.

- So, I’m thinking about using Rogain. What do you say?

- Don’t worry, don’t worry, my Spanish Fork City Recreation League soccer team did end up winning the tournament championship. It’s good to see the Wright boys, after a couple years absence, ascend once again to the top of the soccer scene here in the Salem/Spanish Fork area. If you want a signed picture, just send me your address with $50.

(This is the championship team, minus Big D, right after our glory. Oh yeah, did I mention I scored the game winning goal. That's right.)

- I love teachifying. I love it. I have my bad days when I wonder if anybody ever listens to me (they probably don’t), but all in all, it’s a great job. I’d highly recommend it to anybody (as long as you don‘t hate teenagers).

- And finally, I’ve decided that janitors, when they die, are going straight to heaven. Really. I’m pretty sure there aren’t better people in the whole world.

The Skin

Monday, October 27, 2008

Back to Monday

Well hello all.

It seems like I’m supposed to be doing something important right now, but I’m not really sure what that would be. It’s 10:10 p.m., the World Series has been delayed, and the Colts lost; that’s about all that’s registering in my mind currently.

Oh wait, there is one other thing, I was just reading about the Church’s support of Proposition Eight. I was going to write my thoughts about it (I had a whole paragraph typed up), but I decided not to ‘cause then I would have to be serious and thoughtful. Personally, I think serious people are boring (course according to some, since I‘m a Mormon, I don‘t even have the ability to think and have been brainwashed since I was two, so to them it would probably be impossible for me to be thoughtful at all).

Okay, okay, I will say this: I think President Monson’s an alright fellow, no matter what all those people who read the Tribune think (apparently, some of them aren‘t too fond of him).

But now, on to more serious issues:

- Last week was the end of the term. I didn’t fail nearly as many students this term as I did last year first term. What’s wrong with me? Am I getting soft in my old age or what?

- Sometimes a teacher gets in teaching ruts. I’m currently in a teaching rut from which I must soon escape or my students may start egging my house or slashing my tires (actually, most of my students probably think I’m in a teaching rut all of the time, so they probably don’t even notice the difference).

- Jamon: Word.

- Some unnamed people tried to play a nasty, nasty trick on me tonite (a plate of cookies tied to a string placed innocently on my doorstep). Don’t worry, I wasn’t fooled. But it sure was a close call. I was almost, ALMOST, taken in. My humiliation would’ve been irreparable had I been fooled by such deceit. Don’t worry, the culprits will pay.

- There’s this guy I know named Nathan Rees. We went to high school together. I think he’s a decent fellow. If you ever meet, be sure you say “hi” from me.

- And finally, since today is Red Ribbon week (actually, they don’t hand out ribbons anymore, now they hand out red wristbands, which is nice ’cause I never could get my ribbon on without poking myself with my pin 38 times), I would just like to once again confirm that I don’t do drugs. Nope. None. Never.

And that’s all I have to say for now. Be nice.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Fall Break

As some of you might know last week was Fall Break for those of us who work for the public education system here in the Utah. My honest opinion about Fall Break: boring. We got school out for Thursday and Friday and I was bored by the about 9:30 a.m. on Thursday. I did enjoy being able to sleep in, but besides that, nothing, just boredom. Part of the problem is that most extended school breaks actually have a reason: On Thanksgiving Break there’s Thanksgiving, Christmas Break there’s Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Break there’s Valentines Day. But come on, Fall Break, what is there? There ain’t nothing.

Point is I was bored. So what does this tell us about moi you ask? Well, these are the sundry conclusions I’ve come to, you may add or subtract as you will.

1. People who say more girls would call me if I had a cellular device might actually be right. Now don’t be confused, that doesn’t mean I’m getting a cellulite phone anytime soon (‘cause let’s be honest, more girls calling isn’t always a good thing), it just means some people who endlessly harass me might actually have some truth in their argument, that’s all.

2. a. Maybe, despite all my protestations to the contrary, I really am a social person and have a need to be around people. However, instead of being like normal people and enjoying sociality for the opportunity to talk TO people, maybe I just enjoy being social when I can talk AT people while they sit listless in their desks (because I can tell you right now that I sure don‘t like talking TO people ever). Hmmm, maybe there are parties out there where people just get into groups and, one after the other, they just talk AT each other, then go back home. If you find any, let me know.
b. Teaching isn’t nearly as bad as some people think.

3. My minivan, while being sweet and green, might not be quite the social tool that I once thought it was.*

4. I should probably do one of two things. I either need to hang out with my married friends more (nothing wrong with hanging out with married people is there) or I need to find some friends that aren’t married. I don’t know which it’s going to be, but I need to do one or the other.

5. I enjoy listening to Enya.

6. Maybe I should move to the Provo and live with roommates and not live with my parents now that I’m 27.*

7. I shouldn’t fail so many of my students (bad karma maybe?).

8. The presidential debates, while interesting, might not be as socially stimulating as might be supposed.

Well, those are just some of the conclusions I came to this weekend. Tell me if you think of anymore. I’m all ears.

*Editor’s Note: I have serious issues with these conclusions, but until proven otherwise, I guess we’ll have to stick with it.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm "it"

I’ve been tagged. I’m not really sure what that means exactly and I’m just lucky that I found out at all. If you want my humble opinion, there should be some way to notify somebody who has been tagged. In any case, let me complete this tag.

I am - grateful, as ever, to S.E. Frandsen for his wisdom. I do indeed hate the thought of Senator McCain being president.
I know - that whoever came up with the social custom of dating will get a severe tongue thrashing from me whenever I meet that person in heaven. Ludicrous, that’s what dating is.
I want - all of my hair back.
I have - a sweet green minivan with a heater that is currently out of commission.
I dislike - just about everything except orange juice and listening to musicals.
I miss - associating with a fellow named Jeffrey W. Richey. If you ever see him, be sure to send him my way.
I feel - like finding a really attractive young lady, getting all dressed up real pretty like, and dancing the night away somewheres.
I hear - that this one kid at school got in a fight, but I’m not really sure that I believe it.
I smell -
I crave - (because I never know who will read this, I’m not able at this time to write what I really crave, sorry).
I cry - very seldom. However, I’ve heard rumors that when I was in high school, girls would often go home and cry after I would say something slightly sarcastic to them. I don’t believe it though.
I search - ponder and pray.
I wonder - why people still try to set me up with their cousins’ sisters‘ friend. No more. Please. Pretty please. Pretty, pretty please.
I regret - throwing lots of cats really high up in the air (this was when I was a little guy by the way) just to see if they would always land on their feet (they always did by the way, amazing)
I love - my job. Really, I’m quite sure there isn’t a better job in the whole world.
I care - (that’s not true, I don’t actually)
I worry - occasionally about whether or not I’m going to get married before I lose all of my hair. I remember - this one time when I promised myself that I would never eat another pickle, but I eat them all the time now. Shows how true I am to my word.
I believe - Lord, help thou my unbelief.
I dance - really, really poorly (which is probably why I can't find a really attractive girl with whom I can dance the nite away). But I still think it’s fun. Especially Hungarian folk dance.
I argue - only when I want to get people all riled up about ridiculous things.
I write - when I’m bored, discouraged, excited, or supposed to be doing important things (like right now).
I win - only when I cheat.
I lose - all the rest of the time.
I wish - I could win without cheating.
I listen - to high school students endlessly harangue me about so many things I can’t even list them here. But that’s okay, MOST of the time I probably deserve it. But I still feel slightly annoyed about this one time they complained about having to go to the grocery store.
I am scared - of my students mutinying against me, taping me to my chair with duct tape, and absconding with my sweet minivan.
I need - to learn how to ride a horse. That is my goal: learn how to ride a horse.
I forget - everything important (meetings, birthdays, etc.). However, if it’s really trivial and holds no importance at all, I’m pretty sure I won’t forget.
I am happy - that the NBA is about to start.

There, I’m done. I’m not going to tag anyone ’cause I’m morally opposed to such things. However, Ms. Geekins, if you want to stay in my good graces, you WILL fill this out.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

What I doesn't hate

I called a guy in Brooklyn today to order some books and he told me I sounded like a New Yorker. Really. I'm serious. (side note: when he said I sounded like a New Yorker, I said, "oh sorry". He was kind of offended that I would be apologetic about such a thing).

Anyway, sometimes people on these web log things write about what they are thankful for. I will do no such thing, ever. However, I WILL tell you what I don't hate.

1. I don’t hate any of the current presidential or vice presidential nominees. I don’t really like any of them. But I don’t hate them.

2. I don’t hate the A-Team. In fact, I’m watching it right this very minute. I especially don’t hate the theme music or their sweet van. Beautious.

3. I don’t hate Baconaters.

4. I don’t hate the musical Aida (it‘s playing currently at the Hale and one of these days I‘m going to drop by). In fact, back in my college days, I went to Aida and was so attracted to the usheress that I asked her right then and there on a date. She said “no.” I bet she regrets it.

5. I don’t hate the movie The Village. In fact, I watched it last nite. That M. Night Shyamalan is probably a little crazy, but he’s made some pretty fantastical movies.

6. I don't hate dating. I'm just really not fond of it.

7. I don’t hate the MLB playoffs. I’m rooting for the Dodgers myself. Mostly ‘cause they have my man Greg “Maddog” Maddux. If I could meet one person, it would be Brother Maddux.

8. I don’t hate Celine Dion. Once upon a time I was planning on marrying her. I’m not sure it’s going to work out now, but I still don’t hate her.

So now you know (and knowing's half the battle)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Payson High School Homecoming '08

I be a teacher. As such, occasionally my illustrious bosses ask me to participate in activities outside of the classroom. Like tonite for example I was assigned to chaperone at the Payson High's Homecoming dance.

As I poured glass after glass of some kind of punch (non-alcoholic I promise), I made the following observations:

- I find it one of the cruel ironies of my life that now that I'm 27 and out of high school I can finally carry on a conversation with high schoolers. Why exactly couldn't I carry on a conversation with a high schooler when I was in high school? What a joke.

- I went to Homecoming once. Junior year, 1997. How did it go you ask? Well, she was a really nice girl and I was a huge dufus with NO social skills AND I lost my keys that nite (it was actually Jeffrey W. Richey's fault, but I've since forgiven him). It was similar to one of those movies when the biggest nerd in the school asks the nicest girl and you just feel sorry for the girl the whole time. Yeah, pretty sure she still hasn't recovered from the trauma.

This is a picture of that fateful event. I'm sure she still accepts letters of sympathy.

- I'm an amazing punch pourer (although I'll be honest, after three hours, my shoulder did get a little sore). Really, after 27 years I finally found a talent. And you didn't think I had any.

- I will never understand why they play music so loudly at dances. I mean, maybe it's just me, but I always thought it would kind of be nice to talk to my date without having to yell all the time. But that's just me.

- As far as high school dances go, not much has changed in 11 years.

- I still don't know who I'm going to vote for, but I did think Senator Biden did a swell job in the debate and I couldn't figure out why Governor Palin seldom directly answered the questions. Stephen, I'm slowly, ever so slowly, being turned.

- I'm not sure there is anything in this world worse than an awkward first date. NOTHING. I noticed several of those tonite and I was just thankful I wasn't on one myself.

- Along those lines, I noticed that time goes a lot faster pouring punch for three hours than it does trying to make awkward conversation for five minutes. Maybe back in the day when I went to dances (all three that I asked to) I should have been fixing the punch instead of trying to carry on a conversation.

And that's all.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Some Thoughts

It's Wednesday again. Maybe I'll start writing my web log only on Wednesdays.

- My girls' soccer team won on Tuesday. It was one of the greatest moments of my whole life. Really. Sweet, sweet, sweet.

- I got a new laptop yesterday. One problem, I forgot my password (or the computer messed up or something) so I can't log on. I swear I'm the biggest idiot ever.

- I've finally made up my mind on the upcoming election. Actually, I've only half made up my mind. This is what I've decided: I don't want to vote for either candidate. I don't trust Obama and I really don't trust McCain. That's a problem. Maybe I'll just write in somebody.

- I'm so flipping tired of being single. And I'm not saying I need to get married. It would just be nice to have a girlfriend or something. Or at least an occasional second date.

- Somebody complained about me not having pictures on my web log so I'm going to put some pictures on here. That way people who only have a second grade education won't be bored.

- The Yankees aren't going to the playoffs. I wonder if you understand how happy that makes me.

- My favorite quote of the week from one of my students: (said student was talking to a German foreign exchange student and asked) "So is Britain and Germany the same place? (the verb conjugation was icing on the cake).

- I think sometimes people use racism as an excuse. I'm not saying racism doesn't exist, 'cause it does. I see it all the time. I'm just saying in some situations it doesn't exist, but people need an excuse, so they use that. People who are always looking for an excuse need to be kicked in the head.

This is my brother S. Eliason. He's leaving on his mission. Can't leave soon enough, that's what I say (I should also here note that on our digital camera at least half the pictures are of him taking pictures of himself).

I play the game of basketball. No, let me rephrase that, I dominate the game of basketball. Bring it on.

I teach history (at least I TRY to teach history . . . some days). However, what I would really like you to notice is my receding hairline and developing bald spot. Sad, I know.

Sure, I used to go to church (that's big Stew in the sweet red jacket).

The word that comes to mind: dignified. It was like I was training to be a history teacher even back then. The sweater, the shoes, the glasses, the striped socks. Sweet.

And that's all.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

It's Wednesday today. I like Wednesdays. Not only is it Wednesday, but the Constitution was signed on this very day in 1787. I have a few observations to make.

- I hate spiders. Really, I hate them. Are they useful at all 'cause if they're not, I'll can tell you right now that when I create my own worlds, there ain't going to be no spiders.

- My dad told me he stayed up all nite trying to figure out how I can better coach my girls' soccer team. His conclusion: "you need to teach them how to score goals." Brilliant, why didn't I think of that?

- Just so you know, Wikipedia is not a reliable source. In fact, seeing as today is Consitution Day, if you went and looked up the consitutional convention on Wikipedia and looked at the signers, three of those are actually my students (they got a little distracted in class today). Just thought you'd like to know.

- Did I tell you that I broke up my first high school fight last Monday? I did. No big deal, I'm a teacher.

- I love football. Love it. I think people like football so much because there's so little of it. I mean, it only goes four-five months and most of the games are only on the weekends. As my friend Rizzo the Rat said, "Scarcity--Drives up the prices." I mean think about baseball. I like it and all, but honestly, where there are about 2 million games a year, I can only get excited about a couple.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Well hello,

- The other day I went to a social gathering over there in the Provo (I try to avoid such things as you well know, but it was friend Cammie's birthday so . . .). Whilst there I noticed that my already shaky socializing skills are, I think, getting worse (some of you might think that's impossible, but it is verily true). That's not good, not good at all, especially since I'm losing my hair as well. No hair AND no social skills, I'm in trouble.

- Along those lines, my bishop told me I should try to go on a date once a week. I can barely even talk to a girl once a week, let alone go on a date. However, apparently some bloke started some sort of Salem singles online dating site or something like that. Maybe I should check that out.

- On a different note, my niece Kadee, she's five, told me that I really need to get a cell phone. How dare she.

- Another one of my varsity soccer players is injured and out of commission. I swear, I need to pay more tithing or something 'cause the soccer gods sure aren't being generous these days. Who did sin, me or my parents that I cannot catch a break.

- I watched Rudy last nite. I cried. Great show. GREAT show.

- I love October so much (I realize it's still September, but I'm just getting excited). I mean, think about it, you've got General Conference, baseball playoffs, NFL and college football, and NBA preseason, plus the weather is generally fantastic. I tell you, life does not get much better. The song really should have been, "Wake me up, when OCTOBER comes."

- I just watched the Republican National Convention. My dad sure was swayed by ole Brother Guiliani's speachifying. Pops just flipped-flopped his vote right there. Me, I'm still not convinced with Senator McCain, but I sure do like that Palin lady (mistakes and all). However, for the time being, I'm still a fence sitter, waiting . . . and still waiting . . .

Bye now

Wednesday, August 27, 2008



I haven’t been on a second date in nigh on two years. Pathetic ain’t it? Things have definitely got to change around these parts. Just got to.

Most teachers think they’re underpaid. Considering my skill level, I think I’m overpaid.

I’ve issued this before, but I issue it again (especially considering recent comments on this here weblog): If you see Stephen Frandsen walking around, hit him in for me would you please.

Being a coach is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done. And I’m only a high school coach, I don’t see how these professional coaches handle the pressure.

That said, the players I coach are absolutely amazing. Pretty sure there’s not a better group.

I miss speaking German. If you meet any nice German people, send them my way. (But if they're not nice, don't send them. Not nice people, speaking German, scare me.)


Monday, August 18, 2008

Well hello,

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a Mormonite. As a Mormonite, I have a calling in my church. I would just like to say that it would be a lot easier to do my calling if I didn’t hate talking to people so much.

School starts this week (on Wednesday to be precise). I hope I make it through the first week without getting fired or without having one of my classes rising up and mutinying against me (I think the latter is more likely, by the way).

I think it’s time to list my top five movies. They are, in order,
- Shadowlands—Favorite quote of all time, “Why do we love when losing hurts so bad?”
- My Fair Lady—Henry Higgins is everything I wish to be.
- Dead Poets Society—What does it really mean to sieze the day?
- The Lion King—The gospel Disneyized.
- Chariots of Fire—“Do you know what day it is?”

I saw a guy walking around with spurs on yesterday. That’s why I love Payson, Utah: guy with spurs on—no big deal.

Have you ever noticed how people define friendship differently? I take more of the Swiss approach myself, if you were wondering.

Today, as I was picking up some magnetic resonance images from Mountain View Hospital, I saw a Dominoes delivery boy there. I didn't know you could order pizza in the hospital. I hate hospitals just a little less now that I know pizza delivery is allowed.

My dad’s amazing.

Uuf Wiederluuege

Friday, August 8, 2008

monday of goodness

it's monday. i'm writing here. i'm back on schedule. i still hate stephen frandsen. all is right in the universe.

to note:

- my dad says that "skinny" is a low class nickname for a little kid. know what i think, i think he's jealous.

- i had my birthday. i turned 27. when my mom turned 27 she was pregnant with her sixth child. interesting.

- on my tombstone it's going to read, "just friends"

- it was salem days last week. the salem days parade is the best in the state, that's what i say. if you don't agree with me, you're wrong and ignorant.

- i speed all the time, yet i absolutely will not misuse the carpool lane or cross in or out of the carpool lane on the double line. am i a hypocrite.

- first girls' soccer game tomorrow. pray for us (maybe you should fast too, that might be helpful). all that is running through my head, "don't be a dufus, don't be a dufus, don't be a dufus."

and that's all.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

home again, home again, jiggedy jig

i'm home. i'm alive. i'm sober.

i returned to 100 East 187 South at approximately 1:35.24 a.m. yesterday (that would be wednesday) and was quite pleased to find everything and everyone still intact.

so, i guess i'd better finish my report.

day twenty one: today is the last day of the martigues festival. these frenchies, they're really not half bad. not half bad at all. i officially recant every mean thing i've ever said about french people.

day twenty two: some days i flipping hate girls. that's all.

day twenty three: today is an official tourist day. shopping, sightseeing, picture taking, following random swiss people around so i could listen to the pure adamic language, etc.

day twenty four: welcome to barcelona. i love meeting members of the church in different countries (especially christian, he was cool). when far from home, there's something so comforting about meeting others of the same faith.

day twenty five: i went to the airport today to fly home. one problem, no room on the flight, @^&*. i guess i'll wait 'til tomorrow.

day twenty six: still no room . . .

day twenty seven: still no room . . . but good news, there's room on the amsterdam flight, so thomas and i will just fly there so we can fly home, no big deal. it only cost us $600 a piece to fly two hours to the netherlands.

day twenty eight: who knew the amsterdam airport floor could be so comfortable. i slept like a baby. and what do you know, there's room on the flight to cincinnati. estados unidos, here i come.

day twenty nine: home, sweet home.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

the tour continued

first: i apologize that again it is not monday.

second: french keyboards are absolutely ridiculous.

third: i continue my tour report from where i left off . . .

day thirteen: conversational exchange of the day:
me: is there a mormon church around?
host family member: no. there are no mormons in france so there are no mormon churches.
me: (after an awkard silence) oh . . . uh . . . so how is the weather in france anyway?

day fourteen: let me here outline the threefold mission of these here international folk dance festivals (listed in order of importance).
1. to get drunk as much as possible.
2. to meet, flirt with, and make out with as many foreigners of the opposite gender as possible (or same gender depending on preference).
3. to appreciate dances from other cultures.

day fifteen: my new nickname is skinvous

day sixteen: we, the frenchies, the irish, and the quebeckers did a whole choreography together. i dominated until we actually had to perform, then i buckled. maybe it should've been chokevous instead of skinvous.

day seventeen: a tour is not a tour without a crush. know what i'm saying.

day eighteen: you should have seen me. there i was in a small french town on the mediterranean, all dressed up in my cowboy getup, sitting at a bar, drinking water out of a heiniken cup. sweet.

day nineteen: i went boating on the sabbath. i am ashamed. but at least now i can consider myself a full blooded paysonite.

day twenty: we went to marseille today. i spent most of my time sitting on a park bench reading persuasion while listening to old french men ramble on as they smoked their cigarettes. very entertaining.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

folk dance in europe

i'm currently in the europe, which means i don't have ready access to a computer, which means i missed last week, which means i apologize, which means here is my report.

day one: flying's fun. i depise the whole checking in stuff (who are these tsa people anyway) but the flight itself is quite enjoyable. however, you haven't really flown until you fly business class. beautiful, just beautiful.

day two: the madrid temple is really not half bad. now, if my body would just figure out what time it is so i can stay awake through the whole session.

day three: another day in the temple (i stayed awake this time) and then into the city. as to the city itself: not bad.

day four: i had a kebab today. it's been far too long. cream soda and kebabs, that's what heaven will be.

day five: yeterday was sunday. i tried to go to a catholic church (i missed my mormonite meetings). it was closed. right next door was a bar. it was open. go figure.

day six: we danced today. i'm the worst clogger ever. really. i'm the greg ostertag of the clogging world.

day seven: i hate changing time zones. hate it, hate it, hate it.

day eight: russian dancers = amazing.

day nine: our eating schedule for this here burgos folk festival:
breakfast: 9:30
lunch: 3:30
dinner: 11:30

day ten: two things i unlike about visiting foreign countries:

day eleven: our show tonite started at 12:00 a.m. (that's midnite for all you illiterates out there). can you believe that. madness. but the venue was packed, so who am i to complain.

day twelve: the wheels on the bus go round and round . . . and round . . . and round . . . and round . . .

and round . . .

and round . . .

and we'll pick up on day thirteen next week . . .

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Monday Meanderings

- i'm sure lots of people in this world have opinions as to what we'll drink in heaven (i WILL be there, by the way). my opinion: cream soda.

- my brother, big stew, turned 23 last week. finally, he's old enough to date.

- i love grocery stores. fabulous places really (although the jury is still not officially out on organic grocery stores). however, i do have one complaint: why exactly aren't the canned olives in the same area as the rest of the canned vegetables? i do not understand nor appreciate.

- last week my mom was in the 'spital. since she was so drugged up and couldn't be trusted, i had to sign the document where it said "responsible person." i'm expecting the perjury lawsuit to come at any time (is perjury the right word?).

- i watched a movie on bobby jones yesterday (it was actually quite good). it got me thinking. what would it be like to be truly great at something? what would it be like to know that you were one of the best in the world? hmm . . .

- why do people insist on setting me up. do i really come off as that socially handicapped and/or ugly?

- i greatly disenjoy july. it's a wasted month. heat, hay fever, and dead grass, that's all there is. independence day (and pioneer day) would be okay if it were in october or something, but how can i enjoy the signing of the declaration of independence when all i can think about is the heat, hay fever, and dead grass?

- one of my soccer players has to have surgery on her knee. out for the season. crap (sorry mom about the vulgarity).

- i leave for spain on thursday. i hope i don't hate it there.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Zu Ihrer Information

To Note:

1 - I'm pretty sure that if I weren't a Mormonite, I would be an alcoholic. Really.

2 - I got a flat tire this week. Flat tires have to be one of the most disheartening occurences of all time. There you are, driving along, minding your business, then . . . bam! I hate it. I come closer to swearing during these moments than any other time (well, except soccer practice, sometimes I really want to swear 'cause I keep thinking that maybe the boys would actually listen if I were to drop the "F' bomb on them, but they probably wouldn't, so I don't, not yet at least)

3 - I love EFY music and there ain't nothing you can do about it. Sure the lyrics are generally cheesy and fairly predictable. Sure the music is incredibly simplistic and could be written by just about anybody with any musical writing ability, but I still like it so lay off.

4 - Do you think the people who lived in the city of Enoch ever got accused of being close-minded. I'll bet they got that all the time. "Dude, all you guys ever do is listen to that crazy Enoch guy. Come on over to Sodom, you've got to at check out what they've got. What, you're not going to? You're so close-minded." Yeah, I can see it.

5 - I went to an organic food store the other day in the SLC. Tremendous place (and might I mention that the hired help was extremely accomodating). I'd highly recommend at least sometime in your life going to such a place. They've got some sweet stuff there (although most of it I'm kind of scared to try).

6 - I wonder what I'd think of me, if I weren't me and I just met me at some random place. Hmmmm . . .

7 - When I create my own world there are not going to be allergies. None. No house flies either for that matter.

8 - The Cubs are going to win the World Series this year (they haven't won since 1908). Why, because my brother (a HUGE Cubs fan) will be on his mission come October and this will be the Lord's way of trying my brother's faith.

9 - I just paid $94.58 to fill up my sweet minivan with petrol. I love capitalism (it is better than fascism in any case, that is, if fascism is even an economic system which I think it might not be).

10 - I watched Gilmore Girls the other day and although I really, really, really, really disagree with some of the social commentaries put forth in said sitcom, I do believe that Kirk and Luke are two of my favorite TV characters of all time (right up there with Screetch from Saved by the Bell and Murdock from the A-Team).

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Fork (as my friend Ms. Geekins would say)

I once wrote:

I’m obsessed with lists these days (my professors Dr. Huntsman and Sister Peay would be proud). It seems like everything I write about is in some form of list or another. Today will be no exception. If you’re absolutely opposed to lists, feel free to pick up this document from my secretary S. Eliason in paragraph form anytime during normal working hours.

Today I would like to write about that great city Spanish Fork. For those of you who don’t know, I went to junior high and high school in Spanish Fork so it holds a tender spot in my heart. However, you should know that the following list does not, I repeat DOES NOT, apply to my hometown Salem. They are very different (and thankfully so) So, without further ado, these are four things (in honor of my high school English teacher whose favorite number was four) you should know about Spanish Fork—

1. In order to live in Spanish Fork, you must, absolutely must, own a truck. Really. I’m not kidding. In fact, in city ordinance III, article 2, it states:

Whereas a truck is absolutely indispensable to the formation of a healthy and vigorous community life style and

Whereas if you do not own a truck you cannot go hunting,

Be it hereby resolved that no person may purchase a house within the city limits of this community without prior having purchased a truck of respectable quality and performance.*

*I should note however that the city council has made an exception. It is that if a truck can’t be afforded, a four wheeler may be substituted until sufficient funds can be secured (kind of like that whole swapping a pigeon for a dove thing in the Old Testament).

2. Life in Spanish Fork revolves around baseball/softball. Yep, if you don’t play baseball/softball, you’re not really a person, more like half a person. As I think back on my high school experience, I think there was one person who hadn’t played on a baseball/softball team growing up and he was the foreign exchange student from Russia (parenthetically, if you want to know my personal opinion as to it’s popularity, I think it’s because in baseball the players are allowed to chew tobacco, which is actually, according to the official Spanish Fork High School curriculum, one of the five major food groups).

3. If you go to Spanish Fork and say “we were,” they probably won’t understand you. It’s “we was.” Along those same lines, it’s not “we saw,” it’s “we seen.” It’s not “hunting,” it’s “hu’en.” It’s not “mountains,” it’s “mou’ens.” For example, a regular sentence in any normal elder’s quorum lesson might run as follows, “We was in the mou’ens hu’en and we seen a four point” (we’ll talk about the point system maybe at another time). So just watch out for that, and don’t try to correct them because that will probably confuse them even more (really, it will).

4. And finally, never, ever underestimate the spiritual intensity of the intellectually disinterested. But you still probably shouldn’t expect them to make it out to church during hunting season, boating season, and the Super Bowl.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Ten Things to Know

Do you ever those days when you really just want to swear? Today is one of those days. Alas, my personal habits prohibit it for the time being, but just know it might come spewing forth at any time so consider yourself duly warned

In any case, here are ten things you’d be benefited by knowing:

1. My newest favoritest musical artist is Ed Ames. Today I walked into my house only to find my parental units lounging around rocking out to Mr. Ames. I was hooked in an instant. In fact, I can barely wait for the school year to start so that I can let my students listen and appreciate his goodness.

2. I’m an eternal pessimist. My motto: “Not only is the cup of milk half empty, but the milk’s probably sour as well.”

3. My parents are currently out of commission, which means I’m supposed to run the house around these parts. Just one problem, I don’t cook, I can’t clean, I struggle with laundry, and I have no idea how to iron (actually that’s more than one problem isn’t it). Yeah, we’re in trouble (I should mention however that I do clean bathrooms amazingly well, in fact, I have yet to meet anyone who matches my bathroom cleaning abilities, although this Croatian woman I met on my mission comes fairly close).

4. My two younger brothers (Big Stew and S. Eliason) have more social skills that I can ever hope to obtain. How’s that fair?

5. If I weren’t a Mormonite, I’m pretty sure I would be Amish (did you know their language is very similar to Swiss German? Well it is). Actually, do you think I can be a Mormonite and Amish?

6. Lately I’ve really been struggling with my belief in dinosaurs. I mean come on, do you really think that once upon a time there were giant lizards walking around the earth? And then how did they all die? And where were the humans at the time. I don’t know, I have my doubts.

hold on, my Ed Ames CD just ended, I’d better start it over . . . okay, continuing . . .

7. Although I took exactly 23 dance credits at the B.Y. over my seven year undergraduate career, I’m still quite possibly the worst dancer ever created (if you don’t believe me, I can give you endless amounts of film documentation proving my point).

8. I ran a mile today and nearly collapsed from exhaustion. Boy oh boy am I getting fat or what.

9. I love big loopy earrings. I really do. If I ever get married, my wife is going to get them as presents as least once a year . . . probably more.

10. I don’t know why, but I’m pretty sure the 4th of July is my least favorite national holiday. No idea why, that’s just the way it is (and I’m a history teacher, can you believe that).

And that’s all

Monday, June 9, 2008

The National Basketball Association Finals

I watch basketball. I like basketball. I occasionally attempt to play basketball. Basketball is cool. Thusly, like previous years, I'm currently following this year's edition of the Finals: Celtics versus Lakers. As always, I have a few comments regarding said event.

One: I do not like the Lakers. I don't especially like the Celtics. However, the Celtics general manager (meaning he manages the team generally) is Danny Ainge. He's a fellow B.Y. alum, he's a fellow Mormonite, and when he played for the B.Y. they actually won a NCAA tournament game. I'll cheer for him.

Two: I do not like Kobe Bryant as a basketball player, not even a little bit. In fact, I seldom if ever watch him play because he's so good he makes me physically sick. However, I am convinced that if he and I were to ever meet (party in Las Vegas or something), I think we would get along swimmingly. Naturally our moral standards are a little different, but I really think we would get along just fine.

Three: The other day I walked into an apartment and somebody (who I think needs to be punched in the face) said that I looked like Luke Walton. Can you believe that? I've never been more humliated (well, looking on the bright side, at least he didn't compare me to Pau Gasol).

(do you really think Luke Walton could do this?)

Four: I pick the Lakers in seven, but I'm hoping for the Celtics in six. Come on Danny, don't let me down.

Five: I've come to the conclusion that with the lady folk there's really no winning. None. (Now I realize that statement doesn't directly deal with the finals, but I'm sure there's some correlation somewhere).

The End

Monday, June 2, 2008

My Rules of Dating

As the pressure to date increases (which ironically generally tends to lower the number of dates that I actually go on) I find it necessary to list the following three rules as far as dating/non-dating is concerned. I call these the "never, ever" rules (for obvious reason). Of course, I feel that everybody should follow these rules, but each to his or her own.

I've had these rules for several years now, but I have yet to put them in writing. Now is the time.

By the way, these are in order of importance, if you were wondering.

1. If you're a male, never, ever date someone that is taller than you. If you're a female, never ever date someone who is shorter than you.

2. Never, ever, if you're passed the age of 23, date someone that is still in high school (I confess to have broken this rule when I was 24, but I've since repented and I didn't know she was in high school when I asked her so lay off).

3. Never, ever date someone that you met on your mission. Ever!

A couple more things that I would like to add.

1. As far as age limit, the rule right now is 18-30 no more than two kids, but since that could possibly change, it is not a "never, ever" rule (for example, when I'm 35 and still not married, it might be 18-40 no more than four kids, but that's yet to be decided).

2. If I were a girl, I would also have the following rule: "Never, ever date a guy who wear's his hat crooked." I'm not a girl though and I haven't quite thought of a female corollary to the crooked hat thing, but if I do, I'll be sure to add it to the list.

And that's all.

Monday, May 26, 2008

ten things to note

1. i do not do drugs. nor do i intend to in the near future.

2. i do not have any enemies. however, if i had to choose an enemy it would either be stephen e. frandsen or amanda r. lockhart. it's a never ending battle with those two.

3. i do not like the new england patriots. however, i think tom brady and i would get along just fine if we were ever to meet.

4. high school kids are the most underrated age group on the planet.

5. if i had one wish it would be that the soccer team i coach could at least win one region game this year (we didn't last year, but the times, they are a chanin').

6. i tend to be religious, but whenever people start to talk about religious things in a group setting (outside of church meetings naturally), i generally try to change the subject as quickly as possible (usually by making some comment about how much i hate the lakers).

7. i have a sweet green minivan.

8. i don't think i understand the meaning of the word "love." what does it mean actually?

9. i don't understand how tall people kiss short people without hurting their backs.

10. although a history teacher, i have a very hard time not becoming totally apathetic to politics.