Sunday, December 27, 2009

Six Months

Today is December 27, 2009. This means that my dad died exactly six months ago today. It was the first time in my life that somebody really close to me passed away. This is what I’ve experienced. - Everybody mourns differently.

- My worldview has changed completely. Nothing is quite the same anymore. Words have different meanings. Movies have different messages. And I feel different somehow.

- Sad stories are a little sadder. Painful stories are a little more painful. Everything is a little more poignant.

- I’m not as happy as I used to be, but I am more at peace. This fact has made me realize that true knowledge and understanding only come with a price I suppose.

- My parents’ house is still peaceful and beautiful. When my dad was sick I was afraid that it would turn into a depressing place. It hasn’t.

- I don’t regret things I could have/should have done differently with Dad. I’m only sad that he won’t be around in the future to see the things I accomplish.

- My mother is amazing. I do not understand her pain (to suddenly be without somebody you spent everyday with for 30 years is hard for me to comprehend), but she handles it brilliantly.

- I could not handle death without the Gospel. If my dad died and I didn’t believe in God, I would be devastated beyond repair.

- Looking back, I can’t understand why I wasn’t happier when he was around. After all, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to see him now.

- I think there have been other trials in my life that have been just as painful in that moment. The thing with death is that you can’t fix it. If you lose your job or get fired, you can go look for another. If you go bankrupt, you can start making money again. If you get your heart broken you can start looking for somebody else. But death . . . there’s no getting around.

- The kindness that people showed my dad and my family was truly inspiring. People are good: from my students to people I had never met before to the ward members.

- “The aching may remain, but the breaking does not.”

- There are worse things than death.

- I have much more respect for those who have experienced this before I did. The way they handle it so gracefully helps me to also endure.

- My dad is here sometimes. . . somehow.

- I can't wait to see him again.


Ericson Fam said...

Well Ang how do you do that? That is exactly how I feel but couldn't describe in words. I am also grateful to know that we will be with him again.

cath said...


Well said. I admire you very very much for living this AND for posting this.


kristen kathleen said...

Thanks for this post, Skinny. I just found out a couple hours ago that a friend of mine from high school lost his dad on Christmas Eve due to an accident while traveling. He wasn't even my dad, but for some reason it has really affected me. I really appreciate what you shared. Thank you.

Lindsay Johnson said...

thanks for sharing what you feel, skin. I always learn from you.

RachieRach said...

Thank you so much for writing this. You inspire me, and I am honored to be friends with you.

Kath said...

You don't know me but I am your sister Karen's Aunt in-law if there can be such a title. (I am Karen E's sister). This was a beautiful post! I clicked on your blog from Scott and Karen's. I especially liked the "I don't know why I wasn't happier when he was here because now I can't imagine anything that would make me happier." God bless.

Kath said...
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