Sunday, August 23, 2009

Saved by the Bell

Hello, hello, hello. Thank goodness school is finally back in session. I was going a little bit crazy there for a while. I believe I was officially bored out of my mind on the 19th of July at approximately 3:34.56 p.m. Nothing like Payson High School to bring back a little sanity to life. I have the following items to note.

- This year, along with the regular coaching duties, I’m teaching 2 U.S. History classes, 2 Government classes, and 2 German classes. Government is easily my least favorite class to teach (especially without Ry-Masta there), but I do a tolerable job most days. My largest class has approximately 43 students (U.S. Studies) and my smallest has about 25 (German 1).

- Speaking of teaching, I teach Sunday School in my branch. One day a girl in my class (who had also been in my history class a couple years back) came up to me and said, “Your Sunday School class is a lot more enjoyable than your history class.” At first I was flattered, but then I really though about what she said . . .

- A student told me the other day that they had the same shoes as me. There were two problems with that. One, that student was a female (I do my best to not wear female apparel), Two, that student was a cheerleader. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear those shoes again.

- I’ve decided one of the main reasons I need a girlfriend is so that I’ll have someone to vent to when my team loses a soccer game. Currently I just go home and stew over the game all weekend until the next game. All the frustration just boils inside of me and I swear one of these days I’m just going to blow a fuse and rip apart my house or my van or my brother or something. Course, maybe that whole venting thing is the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend.

- I need a haircut.

- I would just like to clarify that although I hate Timpview/Salem Hills High that does not necessarily mean I hate all the people that went/go there. I mean think about it, I hate Hell, but I’m sure I don’t hate all the people that are there. There are probably several fairly respectable people there.

- I’m not going to church anymore until those Mormons get softer chairs for the overflow. I can’t handle it anymore.

- Can you believe it, my dance director had me teach some dances yesterday at a dance workshop (course, it can hardly be called a workshop if I’m teaching at it, but whatever). Who would’ve ever thought a day would come where Andrew the T. Wright would teach someone else how to dance. Unbelievable (and yes, you should be feeling sorry for those people right now).

Until next week.

- Oh wait, one more thing, can I just reiterate, I don’t go on blind dates so don’t even think about asking.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Salem vs. Goshen

Okay, so before I actually begin what I want to say I have to things that I need to say. To whit:

1)I can’t believe Wendy’s raised their prices. As a stockholder and Baconator lover, I’m outraged.
2)Quote of the century (provided by a teacher I don’t know): “I’ve learned over the years that the teachers who complain the most about being underpaid, usually are.” How true that is.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s move on to importanter things. Last week was Salem Days. I love Salem Days. Love them. This got me thinking about how much I appreciate this great city of Salem Utah, the City of Peace. As I was thinking about Salem goodness, I suddenly realized I had quite the dilemma: which thriving metropolis is better, Salem or the Goshen?

I thought about it for hours and hours and simply cannot come zurecht (I can’t decide). I mean, they’re both so fantastic. Thusly, in an effort to help myself make up my mind, I’ve decided to list five pros and cons for each city and then maybe I’ll have a better idea of where I stand. So, here goes.



- Every six years they celebrate my birthday with a fireworks display (this year being one of those years by the way). How can I not approve of such goodness.
- Jerry’s Dairy/Burger Barn. I know it no longer exists, but the fact that it ever existed still touches my heart (even if it did stink over in the milk section).
- Salem Elementary. I’m quite convinced that Salem Superstars (especially the singers) will someday rule the world with Mr. Dudley as King.
- The Salem Pond Bridge of Love. If you’ve never been on it, you haven’t lived. Go walk on it. Right now. You’ll feel the love, I promise.
- The old ball park. I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of my childhood on those fields.


- Woodland Hills. If that place (unaffectionately known as Little California) never existed, I think this world would be a better place.
- The fact that we have approximately 79.3 cops for a town with approximately 1345.5 citizens. I swear we don’t need that many cops. I don’t think Goshen even has one policeman (which is ironic considering con number four on Goshe).
- Salem Hill High School. I’m sorry, I try to like that place, but I just can’t. Every time I see that school I think of Timpview (they’re very similar in attitude) and every time I think about Timpview I want to throw up.
- The recent corporate invasion (which all started when Fast Gas decided to expand . . . sad). Now I realize cities must expand, but it’s still depressing.
- There are very few vacant lots these days with ditches where I can go and catch snakes if I get bored.



- No cell phone reception.
- There hasn’t been a corporate invasion. In fact, if anything, there’s been a corporate evacuation (if you can call those abandoned stores on Main Street “corporate” which is highly questionable).
- Its close proximity to the Abandoned Train Tunnel and other tourist attractions.
- Goshen old timers. I used to think Salem and Spanish Fork were hick towns. Not even close. But I’m pretty sure you won’t meet better or more genuine people in the whole world.
- The vending machines on Main Street


- The Goshen Trailer Park
- My front room carpet.
- The Goshen gas station. I still haven’t been inside. I don’t think I can ever go inside. I just know I’ll get shot or maimed or abducted or hung . . . or something.
- A state judge once said, “Goshen is where people go to escape the law.” Why didn’t my realtor tell me that I’d like to know.
- The fact that I have to use a propane tank. What is this, the stone ages? Where’s my natural gas? Seriously.

Anyway, I still haven’t come to any set conclusions, but I’ll keep pondering. Oh, and if you were wondering, Exeter England is better than both of them.