Thursday, August 13, 2009

Salem vs. Goshen

Okay, so before I actually begin what I want to say I have to things that I need to say. To whit:

1)I can’t believe Wendy’s raised their prices. As a stockholder and Baconator lover, I’m outraged.
2)Quote of the century (provided by a teacher I don’t know): “I’ve learned over the years that the teachers who complain the most about being underpaid, usually are.” How true that is.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s move on to importanter things. Last week was Salem Days. I love Salem Days. Love them. This got me thinking about how much I appreciate this great city of Salem Utah, the City of Peace. As I was thinking about Salem goodness, I suddenly realized I had quite the dilemma: which thriving metropolis is better, Salem or the Goshen?

I thought about it for hours and hours and simply cannot come zurecht (I can’t decide). I mean, they’re both so fantastic. Thusly, in an effort to help myself make up my mind, I’ve decided to list five pros and cons for each city and then maybe I’ll have a better idea of where I stand. So, here goes.

SALEM

Pros

- Every six years they celebrate my birthday with a fireworks display (this year being one of those years by the way). How can I not approve of such goodness.
- Jerry’s Dairy/Burger Barn. I know it no longer exists, but the fact that it ever existed still touches my heart (even if it did stink over in the milk section).
- Salem Elementary. I’m quite convinced that Salem Superstars (especially the singers) will someday rule the world with Mr. Dudley as King.
- The Salem Pond Bridge of Love. If you’ve never been on it, you haven’t lived. Go walk on it. Right now. You’ll feel the love, I promise.
- The old ball park. I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of my childhood on those fields.

Cons

- Woodland Hills. If that place (unaffectionately known as Little California) never existed, I think this world would be a better place.
- The fact that we have approximately 79.3 cops for a town with approximately 1345.5 citizens. I swear we don’t need that many cops. I don’t think Goshen even has one policeman (which is ironic considering con number four on Goshe).
- Salem Hill High School. I’m sorry, I try to like that place, but I just can’t. Every time I see that school I think of Timpview (they’re very similar in attitude) and every time I think about Timpview I want to throw up.
- The recent corporate invasion (which all started when Fast Gas decided to expand . . . sad). Now I realize cities must expand, but it’s still depressing.
- There are very few vacant lots these days with ditches where I can go and catch snakes if I get bored.


GOSHEN

Pros

- No cell phone reception.
- There hasn’t been a corporate invasion. In fact, if anything, there’s been a corporate evacuation (if you can call those abandoned stores on Main Street “corporate” which is highly questionable).
- Its close proximity to the Abandoned Train Tunnel and other tourist attractions.
- Goshen old timers. I used to think Salem and Spanish Fork were hick towns. Not even close. But I’m pretty sure you won’t meet better or more genuine people in the whole world.
- The vending machines on Main Street

Cons

- The Goshen Trailer Park
- My front room carpet.
- The Goshen gas station. I still haven’t been inside. I don’t think I can ever go inside. I just know I’ll get shot or maimed or abducted or hung . . . or something.
- A state judge once said, “Goshen is where people go to escape the law.” Why didn’t my realtor tell me that I’d like to know.
- The fact that I have to use a propane tank. What is this, the stone ages? Where’s my natural gas? Seriously.

Anyway, I still haven’t come to any set conclusions, but I’ll keep pondering. Oh, and if you were wondering, Exeter England is better than both of them.

4 comments:

The Montaño’s said...

My heart has been touched by your out pouring of love toward Salem. It is the best hometown and I think I agreed with all of your pros and cons! NICE!:)
And it blows Goshen out of the water, by the way!!

Davison Family said...

I was in need of a good laugh-thanks! Seriously though I can't believe you would even have to decide between Goshen and Salem--there's nothing to decide SALEM all the way!!!!

liz hawkins said...

I'm offended...You know why.

Charlotte Lundell said...

awesome