Thursday, December 15, 2011

Being A Teachifier

Back in the day when I was a history student at the B.Y. University, I used to take history classes (shocking I know). Anyway, in said history classes at the beginning of the semester we would often introduce ourselves. Normally the introductions would go something like this.

Male Student One: Hello, my name is Peter. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to go to law school.

Male Student Two: Hello, my name is James. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to law school.

Male Student Three: Hello, my name is John. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to law school.

Me: Hello, my name is Andrew and I’m a history teaching major (and apparently I don’t care about being able to support a family, which could explain why I can’t get a second date).

Anyway, that was back in my college days. Now fast forward to last year when I met the girl of my dreams whose dad just happens to be, yep, you guessed it, a lawyer. This has allowed me to have first hand knowledge of what I passed up. Not only that, but the Mrs. works for him so that even gives me a little more insight.

Well, as you know, or should know, Christmas is coming up which means it’s time for Christmas bonuses. The Mrs. found out what her Christmas bonus on Sunday and then I got mine on Monday. Now, to ensure that I don’t get fired by the District, or beat up by the father according to law, I won’t divulge how much each bonus was (and remember, the Mrs. is just an employee of the lawyer, not the lawyer himself) however just know that her's was more than mine, and not just by a little bit.

This has led me to come up with a list (you know it had to be coming sometime right) of why I still love teaching, even if my teaching bonus, is, well, somewhat recessionistic. Hopefully this list will convince any prospective history student out there that teaching, not lawyerifying, is really the way to go.

- I had a student who wore real chain mail to class a couple weeks ago. It was awesome.

- I get to watch Payson basketball destroy the team from the Hills (course, anybody could have watched that game theoretically, but it’s not the same when you work with them).

- I get to teach two amazing U.S. Studies classes. I think someone in those classes listened to me . . . once.

- I honestly look forward to going to work every day.

- I can still eat school lunch whenever I want.

- I get to work with teenagers every day. Who doesn’t love teenagers.

- I get to ride on school buses to such places as Delta, Vernal, Price, Mt. Pleasant, and Nephi at least twice a year.

- I’m able to constantly update my vocabulary as I listen to my students talking.

- I get to have lunch with Coaches Johnson, Beck, Peery, and Chapman (who also like to keep me up to date on any vocabulary I might not know).

- I'm constantly amused, like when one of my students didn’t know that reindeer were real (oh wait, that was somebody else I know)

- My students also keep me humble. For example, in the space of about three minutes I had two students tell me I was weird and a different one told me I was awkward. It was very enlightening.

And that will do for now. If that doesn't convince you that you should be a teacher instead of a lawyer, I don't know what will.

Friday, November 25, 2011

It's Thanksgiving

Well hello. Here I am sitting in the living room watching Peter Pan with the Mrs. and Holdikus. I really like this movie. If my Dad were here he would say something like “They just don’t make them like this anymore.”

Anyway, to more important things.

- First off, several entries ago I talked about how much I’ve enjoyed sports this year. Although I still stand by that statement, I’m really not enjoying the NFL this year. Total disappointments all the way around. The Redskins are horrible . . . again, Peyton isn’t even playing, and the Eagles can’t decide whether they should be good or bad.

- Speaking of sports, I enjoyed watching the Galaxy victory in MLS this last Sunday. I love David Beckham. He’s always been one of my favorites, ever since the 1998 World Cup (although I still haven’t forgiven him for getting carded against Argentina).

- I watched The King’s Speech the other day (edited of course) and I very much enjoyed it. I should have been English.

- Yesterday I dreamt that my boss fired me. I wonder what I would do if I were fired. I think I would become a grocery store manager or bag boy.

- I was thinking that since it’s Thanksgiving I should make a weblog post about those things for which I’m thankful. Then I decided not to.

And that’s all.

Monday, November 7, 2011


Hello people.

The Mrs. is downstairs resting because she has a headache (that’s what happens when you are forced to live with yours truly). I’m currently sitting here in my living room watching the Chicago Bears play the Philadelphia Eagles. My brother, Big Stew, is convinced that Philly will win the Super Bowl. I wouldn’t mind if that happened, but myself, I’m not so sure.

Anyway, this is what you should know as the the winter approaches.

- Just one question, if all newspapers go out of business, (which seems possible) what are people going to use to build fires? I mean we have to have something light to start the kindling.

- I miss the NBA. I don’t care that they’re both (the owners and the players) extremely rich and probably not the most humble people in the world, I sure do enjoy watching professional basketball.

- My wife told me the other day, “You know, just when I start to think that you’re really weird, I get on facebook and decide [after seeing others on there] that you could be weirder.” Not really sure what to make of that.

- I’m obsessed with Jeopardy.

- The Mrs. found a gray hair yesterday. I was so proud. (Actually, I never thought that I would have any hair to actually turn gray so that was nice too).

- I am still so upset that the Rangers lost the World Series. It brought to mind my most depressing sports memory of all time: The Athletics loss to the Reds in 1990. I actually still haven’t recovered. I don’t think I’ll ever recover actually. It has scarred me for life.

- I think the world should petition J.K. Rowling to write another series of some sort. I miss her wisdom.

- One of Holden’s first phrases upon rejoining us this week: “BYU is yucky.” I’m still appalled.

- I still do not understand Twitter. I mean I understand the “how”, but the “why” is so beyond me. Why?

And that’s all. I hope you have a great night.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Few Things

Dear Kids,

These are some things you could probably do without knowing. Thus, if I were you, I would stop reading right now.

Right now I’m sitting watching the aftermath analysis of the Republican Presidential Debate. Absolutely fascinating. I wish I had been there live. I should go into politics (as a staff member mind you, not the actual office holder). As far as Mr. Romney, I’m still in-between.

To another subject, this year has been a great sports year. Actually, let me restate: this year has been an amazing sports year. Why you ask? Well, the Steelers lost the Super Bowl (how can a normal person actually like that team?), LeBron lost another championship series, and the Yankees didn’t make the World Series (sorry Coach Johnson). Add to that the Cougars’ Sweet 16 run and both of my soccer teams making it to state and you’ve got a great year.

I would just like to mention that I have not lost all of my hair yet. In case you were wondering. (I was really expecting to have no hair round about the age of 30).

One day I’m going to understand why some Evangelicals really, really don’t like Mormonites. Right now I don’t.

Is it bad that I don’t like Halloween?

Today (and yesterday) I watched The Lion King with Holdikus. I decided on two things while I was watching. 1) Although it’s animated, that movie is not really a little kids movie. 2) I love that movie. I cry every time.

My biggest fear: That I’ll get up in front of my class and start teaching with my fly down. Boy that would be embarrassing.

My wife is amazing. One reason she’s amazing: she’s really smart.

Could you please explain to me what in the world Santaquin is doing with their Main Street. Do we need two lights there? Do we need two lanes for two blocks? I’m just really confused. If you’ve never been to Santaquin, please visit and tell me if you understand.

And after two hours, I still don’t know whether I want a fellow Mormonite to be president.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Today the Mrs. and I went to watch the movie Moneyball. It was good, maybe even really good. I wouldn’t go with great yet (I have this theory that in order for a movie to be great it has to stand the test of time. For example, in a year from now, will I even remember that Moneyball exists? If not, I don’t care how much I liked it on the first viewing, it is not great). Anyway, these are my thoughts about said movie.

1. Actually this is pre-movie. Before the movie started they showed a trailer with Leo in it. That man is one great actor. I think I’m going to need to convert him in the spirit world. I believe that puts the number to six of people I need to convert when I die (if not sooner).

2. To the movie. I really like the song his daughter sings for him. It’s really quite nice. I’m not sure about that loser part at the end, but I like it.

3. Brad Pitt is one good looking guy (and considering that I’m a male, I can’t even imagine what the ladies think when they see him).

4. I sure hope I’m not as nerdy in my step-daddedness as that step-dad was. I’m still cringing actually.

5. I hate the Yankees. I really do. I think I dislike them more than I dislike any organization in the whole word (except for maybe the Columbian drug cartels and the mafia).

6. You should know that I cannot recommend this movie. Why? Because it drops the f-bomb twice and swears fairly often. Would I watch again? Yes (and hopefully that doesn’t lower my chances of converting Leo in the afterlife).

7. I love the idea in the film of taking chances and believing in what you’re doing. My favorite part of the whole movie is when they decide to trade Pena. You’ve got to do what you believe in.

8. I love baseball. I’m so excited for the playoffs. However, if the Braves blow it, I’m going to be really upset for a very long time.

9. I feel exactly the same way about losing as Billy does. I hate to lose a whole lot more than I love to win.

10. Also, the great wins are memorable, but the tough losses you never forget, ever. I’m hoping the Resurrection helps ease the sting of some of those.

And that’s all.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Complaints

Before I start I should mention that I’m listening to my new favorite song, “As I Am” by one Dan Cahoon. It’s nice.

But let us move on to more important things. I’ve decided to make a list of my current complaints. I think it’s time that people should know.

1. I am so upset right now that KJZZ has pulled Jeopardy from its lineup and replaced it with that sham television show known as Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Did I mention that I’m upset? Well, I am.

2. If Peyton Manning doesn’t play football this year, I’m not watching any games (unless John Beck or Rex Grossman finally revives my Redskins who have been in a coma for a couple of decades). Come on doctors, I place the blame on you. Figure it out. If you were on my team, you’d be running hills right now.

3. I’d like to complain about whatever yahoo (pronounced “yay-who”) put the whole state of Utah’s roadways under construction. I mean come on, moderation in all things. I don’t mind a little here or there, but honestly, this is a bit much.

4. This comment was deleted by the editor (the complaint had something to do with temples and ground-breakings, but the editor didn’t want to be struck by lightning so . . . )

5. This comment was also deleted by the editor (it had something to do with hills and transfers but I want to fired even less than I want to be struck by lightning so . . .)

6. NBA and owners, knock it off. If I don’t have any playoff games to watch come May and June I swear I’m going to self-destruct (although Euro 2012 is next year so that might save me).

7. I’m currently a little upset with Ms. J.K. Rowling. I mean, I know it couldn’t go on forever, but personally, I could have done with a couple more books/movies. You know, two or three would have been nice.

8. I would just like to complain about how little Swiss German I hear these days. I mean, it’s the language of heaven and I barely ever get to hear it. When I die and I meet Peter at the pearly gates, I hope it doesn’t take me too long to remember it. “Und Peter, wie haesh es? Goht’s dir guet?”

9. I do not like the Internet. Yes, I realize the irony of that statement here, but I still don’t like it. True, there are positives, but I think the cyber world has sacrificed quality for quantity (the fact that you’re reading this illustrates my point perfectly). Not only that, but I believe the Internet makes real learning harder, not easier.

10. And finally, I’d like to complain to whomever decided that schools should start at 7:55 a.m. I mean come on, sleep is so precious these days. How about we move it to about 10:37 so I can get a good night’s sleep in?

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Hello, these are some items for consideration:

I’m strangely obsessed with the song “I See the Light” from Tangled. I don’t know what it is. I don’t think I’ve appreciated a song from a movie this much since “My Heart Will Go On” from Titanic.

The Mrs.’s ex-husband (I have yet to figure out a clever nickname for him, but I’m sure it will come) accused me the other day of being anti-social. Hmmm.

The Mrs. and I have started to watch Gilmore Girls (it’s the only way I can get her to let me watch the NBA playoffs and MNF when that time comes, which is well worth it I might add). We’re on the second season. I would just like to say that I hate Jess. I never thought anyone could make me actually like Dean. I hated him actually. But now, he’s bearable. Anybody is acceptable in comparison to Jess.

I rarely comment on politics because I think people that comment on politics are boring. However, I will say this: if Utah becomes a state ruled by Tea Partyists, I’m moving. You Tea Party people can claim that you’re strict constitutionalists all you want, but if the drafting of the Constitution teaches us anything, it is that good government cannot exist without compromise. Okay, I’m done ranting.

I’m listening to “My Heart Will Go On” for my fourth straight time right now.
I figure since I’m only around Holden every other week, I might as well impart as much goodness as I can as often as I can right. So the other day I had him listen to one of my favorite songs “Be Thou My Vision.” His response at the end: “Andrew, that was a good song.” Now I’ve just got to get him to appreciate Lawrence Welk.

Can you believe that the Mrs. still hasn’t been to Eureka? I know, it’s like living 15 miles away from Buckingham Palace and without ever seeing it. Only Eureka’s probably cooler.

. . . five straight . . .

It was Salem Days on Saturday. It’s definitely one of my top five national holidays (well it should be, even if it isn’t). You know you were raised in the right community when the neighbors talk about whether or not a mayor will be re-elected based upon the annual firework show.

It’s my dad’s birthday today. I miss him.

Sunday, August 7, 2011


I’m working cherries. Those of you unluckies not from these parts might not know what that means. Let me explain. Basically, everybody raised in the metropolis of Payson/Salem/Santaquin, sometime in their life will work (or think about working) at the local cherry plants during the late summer. There are two plants: McMullins and Payson Fruit Growers. I had, until this year, missed out on this blessed opportunity because I, as a young high schoolian, had always worked at the swimming pool during the non-schooling months. However, this month I finally filled that long held void in my life.

If you’re trying to a picture a cherry plant, think of the factories on the movie North and South, then just take out the cotton and you’ve got the general idea. If you haven’t seen North and South (which, considering your general lack of culture, you probably haven’t) just think of those pictures you’ve seen of factories around the turn of the century and that’s about the jist of it.

At the plant there are several types of jobs, most of which involve staring at cherries moving along a conveyer belt. Now as fun as these jobs may sound (and let me tell you, you have no idea the excitement that can be had sorting cherries as they head towards their white bucket destination), my job is actually more fun. Yes, it’s true, I am one of the much acclaimed forklift drivers. Not only do I get to drive a lifting fork, but I get to drive said machine from approximately 9:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. (that’s during the night if you were confused). I know, I know, I can barely contain my excitement, even just talking about it.

As to my actual skills, I would probably say that I’m the second worst forklift driver of all time (as for who the worst is, I’ll leave that discussion for another day). No really, I am. Just picture those grannies driving down the middle of the road on the mechanized wheel-chairs and you’ve got the general idea of my speed and driving accuracy, except I might drive a little more crooked. I am making progress though. Miguel and Moises no longer look at me with looks of “Who in their right mind would ever hire this yahoo.” Lately it’s been more of a “You’re still don’t know what you’re doing, but at least you haven’t destroyed anything in the last couple hours”.

Monday, July 18, 2011

I be in Portugal. I have ten things I need to tell you (and not necessarily about Portugal):

1 - My back hurts like crazy. I feel like an old man. I sit down in a chair and five minutes later I feel like I might die. How am I a 75 year old 29 year old.

2 - I’ve decided that our culture’s technological obsession has led to us valuing quantity over quality. I mean really, if you look at face book it says I have 900 friends. Not true. Not including family, I have three, maybe four friends total, and that’s on a good day. Like I said, technology emphasizes the quantity, not the quality. Another example, the Internet. Yes, it gives us a lot of information but I’m not sure that anyone who has a brain would argue that it’s quality.

3 - I just finished reading the book Great Expectations. So good. I learned about life. I love writers who make me work to understand and comprehend.

4 - I’m currently in a town called Maiorca. No offense to anyone from this town who’s reading this, but this town is literally the weirdest town I’ve ever been to. No kidding. If your planning your vacation right now, I would seriously recommend against coming here.

5 - I don’t understand Portuguese, but the people here seem very friendly (although, for all I know, they could be swearing at me and just be pretending to be happy).

6 - I miss the Mrs.

7 - I went to a Catholic mass yesterday. It was in Portuguese (refer to number 5) but I as I was listening I came to the conclusion that if I weren’t a Latter-day Saint I would either be an Amish person or a Catholic.

8 - Because I’m obsessed with sports and the current theme is the lockouts, let me weigh in. It is neither the owners nor the players fault. It is the fans’ fault for being willing to pay so much for tickets, advertising, etc.

9 - I should have learned how to play the guitar.

10 - I’ve been using a Kindle here on tour because it’s much easier than packing several books. However, I’m not converted. It’s just not for me.

And that’s all.

Sunday, July 10, 2011


I currently be in France down in the Basque region. It’s nice. I don’t hate it. In fact, I quite like it.

I have some things that I should be telling you.

- I miss the Mrs.

- I don’t like sightseeing. It’s boring. I know I’m a history teacher and I should like sightseeing. However, in my humble opinion, the best way to get to know a culture is not by looking at its old buildings. It’s by talking with its people. But what do I know (very little I’m afraid).

- Also, I would just like to say that I like printed newspapers a whole lot more than online newspapers. Here I am in France so I have to access the Deseret News online. I hate it. Just thought you should know.

- I just watched the U.S. beat Brazil in the Women’s World Cup with my host family. If you like soccer you would have liked that game. It was amazing. No really. Why it was interesting:
- Rarely have I seen a team play as hard as the U.S. women’s national team. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen professional athletes play that hard for that long a time. All out for 120 minutes. Amazing.
- The ref was not good. That always makes things interesting (why I like a sport where the refs mistakes can affect the game so much is a topic for another day).
- The Brazilians were . . . Brazilian.
- I was watching with French people who still understood me when I went crazy about the missed offsides call (and all said I didn‘t need to watch the next game because the U.S. is playing France so the U.S. is going to lose anyway).
- There is nothing better than an extra time goal scored by the team your supporting.

- Something else I’ve noticed about the France. They’re definitely not as into the Internet as we are. I like it. They’re still going strong with their little shops. See Amazon isn’t taking over the world. At least not France.

- After nine years of dancing you’d think I’d actually be a decent dancer by now. I’m not (if you were wondering)

- I still can’t get over that U.S. win. Unbelievable.

- Speaking of wins, I still can’t get over how the Mavericks beat the Heat. Seriously. The team I hate never loses. But then they did. And I’m still so happy. This will carry me through at least 15 more Lakers/Yankee/Steelers championships.

- And I still miss the Mrs.

That’s all.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Some things you should know:

- I went to Golden Corral yesterday for the first time in my life. It was amazing. If they don’t have buffets in heaven, I’m not going.

- One time I went to Low Book Sales to see about selling the Mrs.’s car. I will not go back. The guy that talked to us reminded me of the dad on Matilda. They have lost my business for eternity. If they are in heaven, I’m not going.

- I do not hate LeBron. I did, but then the Mavs won. So now I don’t.

- My current musical obsession: Trace Adkins—“All I Ask For Anymore”

- I watched three movies the last couple of days that ain’t half bad.

Hereafter—The Mrs. and I cried. Definitely will make the all-time list.

True Grit­—Still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around it. Those Coens are interesting

Saving Private Ryan (edited of course)—Well, since it was edited it was pretty disjointed, but I’m pretty sure I cried every ten minutes. “Earn this”

- I hate spiders and snakes.

- I should be cleaning the bathroom right now. All in good time.

- I don’t want Jimmer to go to the Jazz for the same reason that I don’t want Romney to be president.

- The Mrs. is smart. Way smarter than I am. If you have any questions, ask her.

- I made waffles that were edible for the first time in history today. Mom’s are way better.

- Even though I can make waffles, I still don’t feel adultish. Maybe when I turn 30.

- I think this upcoming year I might actually teach my students somethings. No really, I think I might. I mean, I've been trying for the last four, but I think this might be the year.

That’s all.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


High school graduation was a couple of days ago. We teachifiers are required to sit up on the stand and watch the whole process. Although some teachers hate it, I love it. I love to see all those students walk by. Since I know most of them, I always feel so proud of them for their accomplishment. In fact, occasionally I might shed a tear or two when a student walks by. Not because I’m sad, but because as they walk by, the life lessons I’ve learned from them flash before me.

See, I just don’t think high schoolers realize the impact they have on their ornery old teachers like me (and yes, I am old). We get paid to plan lessons, teach, and grade papers, but somehow, in the end, I think I learn more than my students than they do from me.

When I tell grown-upified people I teach teenagers for my profession, they cringe. “How can you put up with them every day?” they wonder. But that question always just confuses me. I have no answer because, honestly, I don’t understand it. I don’t “put up” with my students (although, of course, I’m sure there are some teachers that do). I learn from them, I admire them, and hopefully, I teach them a little tiny bit in return. They are truly remarkable.

Truthfully, I love my job. I have no idea how I am so lucky to be able to do what I do. In fact, besides being with the Mrs., I would rather be at school teaching than anywhere else.

So, what exactly have I learned from these young people this year? I will listify for you.
- What it means to be a true friend.
- What it means to work hard.
- What it means to never, ever give up on a dream.
- What it means to be and stay positive.
- What it means to lift others up.
- What it means to respect others.
- What it means to love learning.
- What it means to accept trials and continue with your head up.
- What it means to become better.

Thank you students.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Life's not fair

Sometimes I just don’t get how life can be so unfair. I just don’t understand it. For example:

- How can it be fair that I got to live with my dad for 27 years, but my brother only got to live with him for 11?

- How can it be fair that I have an amazing family and an amazing wife when some people don’t have either those?

- How can it be fair that I have the best job in the world when some people just wish they had any job?

- How can it be fair that I get to travel to Europe every year when some people are lucky just to have enough money to eat?

- How can it be fair that I'm relatively healthy when some people are so sick?

- How can it be fair that I was born with the Book of Mormon in my home and some people will never even hear of it in their lifetime?

I just don’t understand.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Well hello there. Today me and the Mrs. watched a little basketball (yes, I realize it’s the Sabbath, but I was still in my church clothes so it should be alright, shouldn’t it). Anyway, as we were watching (and occasionally flipping to ESPN to watch baseball), I had the following thoughts:

I really don’t like the LeBron, but at the same time, I really don’t like Carlos Boozer either. Basically I have no idea which team I should cheer for in the Miami vs. Chicago series (plus, as the Mrs. noted, both LeBron and Carlos aren’t good-looking at all).

I’m really glad that the Lakers lost to the Mavs, but you know, compared to the Heat, Kobe really isn’t that unbearable. From here on out I choose Kobe over LeBron every time. And Kevin Durrant over both of them.

Has there ever been a more depressing Final Four in NBA basketball? I don’t think so. Who am I supposed to cheer for?

If I were to choose my top ten favorite teams in the NBA, none of those four teams would even be close.

I really hate the Yankees.

I think one of the happiest moments in recent memory was hearing that Spanish Fork tied Salem in soccer. I can’t even describe the elation.

Is it bad that other people’s failures in the wide world of sports make me feel so good? (my own answer: probably not).

My favorite players left in the NBA playoffs

Mr. Kevin Durrant

Mr. Dirk Nowitzki

Mr. D-Wade

And that’s all, I don’t even semi- like anybody else that’s left. Except for maybe Mr. Derrick Rose.

My 2B class is the most anti-sports class I have ever had. Honestly, I could ask them what team Kobe Bryant played for and more than half wouldn’t even have a clue. I just wonder how people like that even survive.

I was watching the movie Fiddler on the Roof the other day and I would just like to say that it is amazing. Honestly, that and the Wizard of Oz have to be in a tie for second right behind My Fair Lady for favorite musicals all-time.

Speaking of favorites. Miracle is quickly moving up my favorite all-time sports movies. Right now the list is as follows:

Chariots of Fire



The Natural

Remember the Titans

And that’s about it for today. Good Sabbath to you.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Good Sabbath

Dear People,

I think y’all should know the following:

I live in Goshen, Utah.

I do not like the Lakers. If they win the NBA championship this year, I’m never watching NBA basketball again. Ever.

My glasses are broken. They’re always broken. I’m now wearing my mother’s glasses.

I watched the Spurs pull out a miracle win (literally) this week only to lose the series two days later. I hate sports.

My wife is amazing. Just ask any of my missionary companions and they’ll tell you how unbearable it is to spend any amount of time with me on a consistent basis. And yet six months later she’s still here.

As opposed to many, I’m actually quite enjoying the current weather patterns. The snow and rain keep the allergies away and for that I am grateful.

Surprisingly, I still have hair.

Payson High School’s Prom is this week. 12 years later and I still don’t understand why anyone would go.

Could you please explain to me why anyone would ever live in Eureka (and don’t even think about making comments about the Goshe, I can tell you 523 good reasons right now).

You know what I think about the government. I think people should stop complaining. How is it that we constantly complain about the people WE chose? I don’t get it.

I watched Jurassic Park for the first time ever last week. Really? This is what everybody was obsessed about when I was in middle school? Unbelievably average. How in heaven’s name was that movie so popular?

I’m still a little bit confused as to why the royal wedding was so popular in America. No seriously, why? I lived in England, I study history, and I still don’t understand.

Ever since Jerry Sloan left, I am absolutely apathetic regarding the Jazz. Who cares what the Jazz do? Jerry’s not there.

I’m supposed to be doing something productive right now.

Do you know what’s in style at Payson High School these days amongst some of the athletes? The mullet (and I have no idea how to spell it, so I apologize if I’m wrong). Can you believe that? I can’t.

The real question is though, how many people do you think would good inactive if the Church came out tomorrow with the following: “Just kidding, the temple isn’t going to be built in Payson anymore, it’s going to be built in Salem.”

That’s all.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Goshe

Dear Peasants,

Here I be in the Goshe with the Mrs., myself, and Holdikus. We’re watching Toy Story 2 on this fine Sabbath afternoon.

Anyway, yesterday my Uncle Conrad and I drove around the Goshe examining the living units. As we were cruising, I decided that everybody in the world should know the following about my beloved village of residence.

1. Goshen has an estimated population of 945.6.

2. Goshen has an estimated 798 trucks, 564 tractors, and 1021.3 four-wheelers. 95% of which are broken down.

3. When I first moved to Goshen, I thought there were two trailer parks. However, after driving around yesterday, I actually realized that Goshen itself is a trailer park, with a few houses spread throughout.

4. There are two places to purchase merchandise in the town.

Here . . .

and here

5. When we say we’re going to the city we usually are referring to Santaquin (population 8,566). Although, if we’re really going to the city we probably mean Payson (population 18,150). And occasionally we do make it all the way to the Provo. Which is 45 minutes by car and half a day by horse.

6. Driving from the east side of Goshen to the west side takes exactly 22 seconds if you’re going 43 miles per hour. Really, I timed it myself.

7. Goshen used to be named Sodom. Honest.

And that’s all.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Few Letters

Dear Man Upstairs,

I hate snow.

Dear Government,

I don’t care what everybody else says, I still don’t hate you.

Dear Kobe,

I’m still torn. Should I hate you or not? And if I should hate you, should I hate you more or less than LeBron?

Dear Mr. Peery,

Southern Timpview doesn’t deserve you. But since you’re there, hopefully you can talk some sense into ‘em.

Dear Deron,

Serves you right.

Dear Jerry,

With Deron gone, will you please come back.

Dear Jimmer,

You’re a really good player, but I don’t think Jackson would mind if you passed to him a little more often.

Dear Goshenites,

New city ordinance: unless you’re having a family reunion, could you please keep the number of cars outside your house less than 10.

Dear Brother Joseph,

Thank you.

Dear Mr. Menken,

Please don’t ever stop writing music.

Dear the Mrs.

I love you a whole lot.

Dear Dad,

I miss you a whole lot.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

There are some things you should know:

Tomorrow marks the first time ever in Andrew T. Wright history that I will have a significant other on Valentines Day. The streak of 28 years of aloneness is finally coming to an end. And to think all this time you guys thought I was a failure.

Just so you know, I’m really upset about the recent Jerry Sloan resigning. I don’t like the Jazz anymore now that he’s gone. For the last couple of years I’ve been splitting my loyalties between SLC and San Antonio, but without Sloan, forget it. Spurs all the way.

I just watched Dead Poets Society again. That movie is so good. So good. How that’s not on every person’s top five list I have no idea.

It’s my stepson’s birthday tomorrow. He’ll be two. After this last week, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t hate me, which is good.

Me and my brother were playing risk today and I had to quit because I was getting so upset. Really. I almost broke the table hitting it so many times.

I miss Mr. Peery. A lot.

I hate winter.

I love Goshen.

I hate ridiculous computers that are ridiculous.

I love the Mrs.

And that’s all.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Story Part Two

And you thought I was never going to finish . . .

At this point in the story there are two things you should know: 1) At this time (and currently come to think of it) the Wright family lived approximately 1 ½ blocks away from the Quesenberry family (about 300 paces to be exact) and 2) One of the many positives of being part of the Mormonified Church is that they have this super sweet communication system called the Relief Society. I mean, you want information about someone in the neighborhood, just to talk to a member of this organization and guaranteed they’ll know the answer.

Anyway, it just so happens that my mother is, luckily enough, a member of this Mormon intelligence organization. So, after seeing young Ms. Quesenberry in my singles ward, I soon thereafter questioned my mother concerning the current marital status of the aforementioned lady. Well, as you can imagine, I was super excited when my mom told me that Lauren was in fact single and that I could return her to her rightful spot on my prospect list.

One problem still remained however. That’s right, you guessed it, I was still the biggest wimp in the whole world. Five years later I still couldn’t seem to muster the courage to actually ask the young lady on a date. A couple weeks passed and pretty soon I had settled back in my comfort zone of singlehoodedness and talked myself out of ever getting up the courage to actually ask L-Money out on a date.

But, before you give up on me, let’s return to the challenge by my church leader to date more often. I had talked myself out of asking Lauren (surprise, surprise), but I still felt this nagging sensation (I believe they call it “the Spirit”) telling me that I needed to date more. Well, I sent the following petition to the man upstairs:

Dear Sir,

If you would like me to go on a date (which is apparently the case according to your employees) I wouldn’t mind if you showed me someone that I could ask on a date that wouldn’t shoot me down (which, as you know, is easier said than done).

Your humble and occasionally obedient Servant

P.S. I’ll even fast about it if You want. And you know I hate fasting.

Well, I must confess that now and again my petitions do get answered so as I drove to and from work at the Payson each day, I anxiously awaited a response. As I was driving back and forth I passed, every day, the Quesenberry home. Each time I passed I felt that familiar nagging sensation. Well, as I’m prone to do with such promptings, I put it off about three days (maybe four or five though, I can’t really remember) then finally gave in. I called up my friend B. Drew Tyckson (because he has way more social skills then I do) and told him that I would like to have a little shindig at his house and we should invite this new girl in the ward to it. I told him that I wanted her to come, but I didn’t really know her so he should use his connections to get her to come. Well, Drew is pretty incredible and within minutes he had it all arranged. The shindig date was set, the girl was going to come, and I was finally going to meet Lauren E. Quesenberry.

Just one problem, I was still the biggest wimp ever put on this green earth. But don’t you worry, I didn’t back out completely, I did in fact go to the party. As I arrived at Drew’s house I was already to show my amazing charisma and sparkling personality. I walked into the house and found the room where they were gathered together. I walked into the room, saw Lauren (there were probably four or five other people in the room), and promptly walked out of the room. The rest of the night I spent by myself playing pool in a different room by myself. I just could not bring myself to talk to her. At the end of the night we all gathered together to play some old-school Nintendo so I did join them at the end, but do you think I talked to her? Of course not.

Can you say “biggest chicken in the whole world”?

So the day ended, I went home alone and life went on. I had to admit defeat. I realized that there was no way that I was ever going to talk to this girl. No way. No how.

The weeks went by and I again found myself at the Tyckson’s (and I might just mention here that I had actually fasted that day about finding somebody, so my hopes were pretty high). We were at this party-thingy and I was talking to my mentor Orrin S. Rothermel. As we were talking these three girls got out of their car (they were probably about 100 yards away so, since I’m basically blind, I couldn’t tell who they were) and Orrin, being his clever self said, “Hey Andrew, your future wife just showed up.” I laughed at his comment because we both knew that neither of us was never going to get married and then we continued talking about the intricacies of living the single life.

However, as the girls got closer I soon noticed that one of the girls was in fact Lauren (the other two girls ended up being these two crazy sisters called Elyse and Kyria). Anyway, as they got closer I noticed two things. One was that Lauren was really pretty (every time I saw her I would literally lose my breath and train of thought), but the other thing I noticed was that she looked like she would probably shoot me if I tried to talk to her (it was the “I’m way of your league so don’t even think about talking to me” look . So I didn’t. She walked within three feet of me, but did I acknowledge her presence? I’ll give you one guess. The night progressed as any usual part night. I kept my eye on her, hoping she’d pass by again, but eventually she left and naturally I left soon thereafter (at least mentally, if not physically). I had missed my opportunity again.

But hope was not lost.

The next night (which was a Sunday) I went to our weekly singles ward game night. I was a regular at said events (mostly because it was the only social interaction I could find each week) and expected a night of enjoyableness but nothing more. I was going to go there, watch some of my fellow ward members make fools of themselves trying to impress those of the opposite gender, consider potential candidates for myself, and then leave in the exact same fashion as I came: single. I mean, when you’re 29 and counting, you’re pretty much a professional attending these types of events.

Anyway, I went there and reluctantly consented to participating in this one game. I can’t remember what it was, but I really didn’t like it (I actually don’t like games since they often involve social interaction) so at an appropriate time, being sure not to hurt any feelings, I snuck out and walked over to the refreshment table (I was at that time addicted to the bowl of Starbursts). On my way over I noticed this really pretty girl sitting with a bunch of other girls (you know how they like to congregate) and I kid you not when I say I almost passed out right there and then when I noticed who it was. Yep, you’re right, as I walked by there sat the one and only Ms. Lauren. One problem though, she was talking to some other guy (just my luck).

Well, I found a seat nearby her (although not too close because I didn’t want to give myself away just yet) and then started to consider my plan of action. I had said “hi Lauren” as I sat down, but that didn’t get me anywhere (like I said, she was talking to this other bloke so I didn’t want to interrupt too much). There were two problems I had to overcome: 1) she was talking to the other fellow, 2) I have no social skills. Soon enough the first problem was resolved because my competition left (although, honestly, is there anyone who can compete with this). However, I still hadn’t thought of how to overcome the second. I mean really the only thing that I knew about her was that she was divorced with one child. And you know, I might not have very many social skills, but I was smart enough to know that, “So I heard you just got divorced” or “So, are people with children allowed at singles ward events” probably weren’t the most effective ways to start a conversation.

But as I thought and strategized, I was suddenly struck with inspiration. All of a sudden I noticed that she had on her person a device of cellularness. Not only that, but said device looked pretty fancy and I was pretty sure that it probably had Internet access. So, I decided that I would ask her about the score of the Celtics vs. Lakers game. You see, I had found a loophole. It’s true I have no social skills, however, when I’m talking about sports, I can kind of cover my weaknesses. When I received this inspiration, I knew that it was now or never.

So, after five long years, I finally took the bold step. I asked her if her phone could access the Internet (what a line for posterity right). From there on it was pretty smooth sailing the rest of the night (seriously, what was I so scared of all those years). To be honest, I can’t actually remember too much of what we talked about from then on, but somewhere along the line we decided that we’d much rather play a board game at her house than sit at some other persons house as our ward played “sharks and minnows” (a respectable game I’m sure). Thusly decided, we went over to her house and spent the rest of the night playing “Ticket to Ride” and deciding that we probably didn’t hate each other too much and we should probably be friends (at least on Facebook if nothing else).

And what is there to say from then on, but that the rest is history. The next night I asked her if she would like to go get some ice cream together and we’ve spent about every night together since then (except a one month stretch where I went to Europe, but we compensated by writing to each other every night, so it was kind of the same). I dated her from June to September, convinced her that my personality made up for my baldness, and we decided to get married on November 19. She is amazing. I’m still amazed that she would ever consent to spend even a day with me, much less a lifetime.