Sunday, May 12, 2013

The Prom

Last week was the Promination at my place of employ, the Payson High School. Because of this, last week I started writing about said Promification. Regretably, as I started writing, I was surprised by just how much I dislike this dance. After writing several paragraphs, the dislike was so intense, I had to step back from the computer and calm myself (I’ve been known to throw things when I get too agitated and the Mrs. appreciates a functioning computer monitor).

Anyway, after taking a week to calm myself, I return to the computer (I’m at my Mom’s now so the Mrs. doesn’t have to worry) with a clear mind.

However, after much mental deliberation, I’ve decided that I still don’t like the Prom. In fact, since I now have a daughter to think about, I hope by the time Gemma Grace is of dating age, the Prom will no longer exist. If, however, it does exist, I can see the following conversation occurring:

Me: Gemma, I know Frank asked you to Prom and I know he’s a nice boy, but I’ll give you $500 and a free trip to Disneyland if you tell him “no” and don’t go.

Gemma: But Andrew (because that’s what she’ll call me), he’s such a good guy. He goes to church every Sunday, he’s got straight As, and he’s really cute.

Me: Okay, how about $1,000 and a free trip to Switzerland.

Now because I know some of you out there do not understand this, I feel such an approach could use some justification. Thus, I’ve decided to here list the cons and the pros of Promifying. Hopefully, by the time Gemma reaches high school, I’ll have these listed in a nice PowerPoint Presentation I can give her on her 16th birthday.


1 - When you go to these types of things, you have to talk to people (if she’s anything like me, I’ll probably be able to end my presentation with this one, but if not . . .)

2 - At these types of things it’s not socially acceptable to eat at McDonalds.

3 - On such a night, temptation increases a quite a lot. I mean, you might be tempted to give your date a hug at the door step, or even worse, hold his hand.

4 - Dresses these days are, shall we say, a little short on fabric (I mean, I was at the Prom last week, and I think I saw about three dresses I would let Gemma wear). [At this point in the presentation I might offer a compromise if she’ll consent to wear my great, great grandma’s dress]

5 - I’ve taught about 50,000 high school boys. With the exception of about 3.7 boys, how can you possibly put up with them and find them interesting for more than 34 minutes? Don’t you know Prom goes all day? (The Mrs. is convinced things don't change much even for males who have passed the teenage years).