Sunday, February 21, 2010

Likes vs. Dislikes

I here list my current likes and dislikes.


1 - Major League Baseball. I can't wait for it to start. I think this is the year my Braves return to glory.

2 - The fact that my brother Big Stew went on a date. But don't you dare ask him about it. If he wants you to know how it went, he'll tell you. If not, he won't, so mind your own dad-gum business.

3 - Payson Boys Basketball. My man, the Ry-Masta, led them to a sweet, sweet victory over the Mighty Dons on Friday (actually, I don't know if Ry-Masta had anything to do with it, but he was there so . . .). Next up, the Skyhawks.

4 - The fact that the Payson is going to have a temple. Sweet.

5 - The Olympic Games. I love it. I haven't really gotten into the winter olympics since '92 and oh how I've been missing out. My favorites thus far: Figure skating (those people are amazing), short track skating, S. White, Simon Ahmann, Miller and Vonn, and the U.S. Hockey team.

6 - McDonalds number four value menu without onions.


1 - Trying to grow a beard (I actually gave up this morning since I disliked it so much).

2 - The University of Utah (this should be an accepted fact, but just in case you were wondering . . .).

3 - The fact that some people think that an increase in faith is all that is needed to achieve a desired outcome. For example, "Andrew, if you want to get married all you need is to have more faith and be more righteous." To which I respond, "So I guess slashing your tires since you're so ridiculous probably won't help my cause right." I'm sure Sheri Dew is just thinking, "Man, if I just had more faith I'm sure I'd be married right now."

. . . whoa, sorry for that outburst . . .

4 - The current political situation. And just so you know, I don't really blame the politicians (well, not completely). I blame those crazy talk show people, the special interests groups, the 24 hour news media, and ridiculous citizens who are have no idea what's going on but choose a position based solely on party affiliation.

. . . and that one . . .

5 - The fact that they still haven't put Lay-Z-Boys in the overflow of my church.

6 - Salem Hills High School (it's like my mentor Jake Ford said the other day, "Every time I walk in here I just feel sick inside." Amen).

7. The IRS.

And with that, welcome to a new week.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Die Ziele

Before I begin, let’s just have a moment of silence for my brethren the Colts . . .

. . .

Okay, now let’s start for real. So, when I was a young high schooler I remember that my dream was to someday become a high school history teacher and a high school soccer coach. Seeing as I have reached that goal and am currently living the dream, some of you might think my life’s work is over. It is not, and after much thought and meditation, I have come up with the following list of things I want to achieve in life to ensure that my life does not become stagnant.

The Skinny Goals

1. Not lose all of my hair (Rogaine is working by the way, thank goodness).

2. Learn how to ride a horse (I’m scared to death of them though which presents a problem).

3. Go to Africa (the coolest people I met on my mission were Africans)

4. Go to the Oakland Temple (ain’t it puurty in the pictures).

5. Write a song (I’ll be honest, I think this is the least likely of all my goals, but I can dream right).

6. Learn how to play the bagpipes (my favorite part of Payson High School–the bagpipes)

7. Not just be a teacher but actually learn how to teach (easier said than done).

8. Beat up my brother J-Skee (we’ve had some close calls, but he always comes out winner somehow, but I’m catching up I think).

9. Go through a whole day of teaching without my voice cracking even once.

10. Watch the whole Star Trek series (no I haven’t started, but I will soon).

11. Learn how to cook at least one real meal (no really, I can’t . . . yet).

12. Live in England . . . again (it is the land of the angels after all, or is it anglos?)

13. Not hate people.

14. Write a book (I’ve started about five, one of these days I’ll get past page two).

15. Get a technical foul as a basketball coach (I’ve already gotten several as a player, but think how cool it would be to get one as a coach).

16. Learn how to speak Spanish and French (I used to be opposed to the Frenchies, but they’re sort of growing on me).

17. Beat my brother Big Stew at chess (actually, I think this is even less likely than five).

18. Find a way to never, ever have to iron again (besides just always wearing sweaters over my long sleeve shirts).

19. Learn how to do a backflip (I'm currently at a front hand-spring).

20. Publish my favorite people list.

And that’s all.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Das Spiel

This last week I was once again reminded how much I don't understand the female gender. I mean, I'll be honest, I thought that after coaching girls for three years I was starting to be unconfusified, but no, I'm not. Just as confused as ever. And just so you know, this confusion has caused an inordinate amount of frustration the last couple of days.

In fact, last nite I got so frustrated concerning my confusification that I almost decided to have an "anti-female" week at school. However, I decided against that for two reasons. 1) I'm pretty sure my noble employer Nebo School District would probably fire me if I did that and 2) I'm not really "anti-female." It would probably be more accurate to say that I'm actually "anti-not understanding females" which is quite different altogether and that sentiment is way too long to have as a slogan.

So here I remain, but one of these days I'm going to figure it all out, I promise.