The Standard Works of Movies

Today I’ve decided to compile a list of some of my favorite movies (I‘m thinking “The Standard Works of Movies” would probably be a good title). I can tell you right now that the Ry Masta is going to agree with every choice here (although I‘m not really sure he even knows what a musical is).

Of course, some of you are out there wondering what makes a good movie. Well, educated people are all into how good the acting, screenwriting, and cinematography are. However, I don’t care too much about that stuff (a little, but not too much). As long as the acting’s not too bad and the scenery doesn’t look too fake, I’m alright. What I care about is the overall story, the message, and how the writer presents that message. That’s all I care about really. Give me horrible scriptwriting and a great message over a well-made immoral movie any day.

Disclaimer: As to what type of movies I am selecting from, I should here note that my mother doesn’t let me watch “R” rated movies. Nor do I watch comedies (generally a little too crude for my innocent ears) or too many PG-13 chick flicks (again, I’ve got to take care of my innocent ears and eyes) although, as you will see, chick flicks in general are definitely not off limits.

Without further ado then, I will tell you the genres (which I came up with off the top of my head) and my favorite movie therein.

Best Sports Movie: This is a tough call. Some sports fans out there (with sand for brains, mind you) are going to mention such movies as Remember the Titans or Miracle or Coach Carter or other such nonsense. But realistically this here is a two horse race. When it comes down to it, it’s either Hoosiers or Chariots of Fire. No other sports movies even come close (well, maybe Rudy). Me, in the end, I’m going to have to go with Chariots of Fire mostly because I think the message is a little more powerful, but Hoosiers definitely comes in as a strong 2nd.

Best Movie Series (remember, I made these genres up so no complaining). Now this was a tough choice, and I mean tough. I mean honestly, so many choices. However, in the end, by a whisker the choice has to be the Harry Potter series. Of course, I know I’m going to get a lot of complaints about this, but quite frankly, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean the movie’s got a great message, a great story, and all those awesome British actors (think how much funnier movies would be if Hollywood would have been in England instead of California). Not only that, but eventually there are going to be eight of them. Pure heaven.

Best Action Movie: Bourne Identity. This whole series is pretty amazing so this pick is mostly just trying to ease Matt Damon’s feelings since I didn’t pick him and the Bourne Series for Best Series. Sorry Matt no hard feelings right.

Best Chick Flick: Today I asked my classes for help with this. Their answers were pathetic so I’m still deciding. I’ll get back to you when I come up with one.

Best Musical: My Fair Lady. Easy choice here. Every interaction I had with those of the female gender in high school was based off of Henry Higgins’ interactions with Eliza. It obviously didn't serve me too well, but what can you do.

Best Animated Film: Beauty and the Beast. I have three reasons for choosing this: 1) Belle is the prettiest Disney princess ever (and don‘t even try to argue because you‘ll be wrong), 2) Belle is always modestly dressed (that’s right, I’m talking to you Jasmine and Arielle), and 3) Belle falls in love with a beast, that gives ugly people like me and my brother Big Stew hope.

Best M Night Shayamalan Film: Signs. I’m pretty sure Brother Shayamalan read D&C 122:7 and then sat down and made this movie. No joke.

Best Thinking Film (by “thinking film” I mean one of those slower films that‘s usually pretty sad, but thought provoking): Shadowlands is the clear cut winner here. Dead Poets Society comes in a close second, but nothing beats my man Clive Staples (Editor’s Note: This movie is even better after you read The Last Battle by the way)

Best Feature Film For Families: Buttercream Gang. Bewitching of Ben Wagner and Split Infinity are right up there, but in the end, the Buttercream Gang definitely takes the cake. Plus the Buttercream Gang has a better soundtrack.

Best Scary Movie: Wait Until Dark. An oldie but a goodie. Course, I’m not really a scare movie fan so I haven’t seen a lot, but I have a really hard time imagining any movie could be scarier than this one.

And that’s all.