Sunday, June 9, 2013

The Rules

I like rules.  I have certain rules that govern my life.  I’ve decided to list those rules here. 

Here they are:

Editor’s Note: Some I'm better at following than others. 

Rule #1—Set expectations low.  You avoid a lot disappointment that way.

Rule #2—Try to talk to people as little as possible.  Socially handicapped people (like me) should have an allotment of approximately 3.4 sentences per day.  Don't exceed that.

Rule #3—Be nice.

Rule #4—Whenever somebody tells you a story about something that happened to them, there’s probably a little bit of truth to it, but only a little bit.

Rule #5—Most people really are good people. 

Rule #6—Always root for the underdog or, if we’re talking about a relationship, the less smooth person.  (For example, in Gilmore Girls, Marty was always my favorite).  

Rule #7—Keep the outside door shut.  If it’s open, bugs will get in.

Rule #8—Eat whatever food you like because who knows what diet specialist is right.

Rule #9—If the Mrs. ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.  So keep the Mrs. happy.

Rule #10—Don’t swear.  When you’re mad, you can throw things and break things and punch things, just don’t swear.

Rule #11—18-30 no more than two kids.  (No longer applies, but it served me well).

Rule #12—When you are listening to an opinionated person, just smile and nod.  After all, they don’t really want to know what you think, they just want you to know what they think.

Rule #13—Don’t eat onions (and if, when referring to a particular dish that has onions someone says, “don’t worry, you can’t taste them,” don’t believe them).

Rule #14—If and whenever possible, avoid talking to people on the phone.

Rule #15—Whatever Dumbledore, Yoda, and/or DCS Foyle say is gospel truth.

Rule #16—Generally speaking, most people think they work hard and use their time wisely.  Keep this in mind when you talk to lazy people.

Rule #17—No excuses.

Rule #18—If you have no social skills and you want people to like you, give them stuff.

Rule #19—Niemand kann mich ausnutzen, solange ich geben will.

Rule #20—Don’t worry about what stupid people think or say.     

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