Why I'm Not Complaining

Well hello there. I’m sitting here at the computer wondering what I’m going to do tonite. I don’t have any games to coach, there are no football games on, no baseball games on, and basketball is only in the preseason (whoever watches preseason games has serious problems). So since I ain’t got nothing to do, I figure I’ll do a little bit of literary pondering.

First off, I’d like to refer back to my goal made in January that I would average asking at least one girl on a date per month. I’m happy to report that I have in fact asked a girl out 14 times this year (meaning I won’t have to ask again this year and I’m still good and yes, I do keep track). However, since my sister Karen won’t let me complain anymore, I’m not going to tell you how many have actually said yes, but just know that it is below 25 percent (and I haven’t been on one second date, which means even the few that did say “yes” were what my students would call “pity dates”).

But I’m not going to complain, and here’s why:

1. I got the Final Jeopardy question right the other day. How amazing is that. I can almost guarantee you’ve never done that before.
2. I just got a haircut from my mother and it looks pretty dad-gum good if I do say so myself.
3. My girl’s soccer team scored more region goals this year than they have in the last four years combined.
4. My Colts are 5-0, my Cougs are 4-1, and my Spurs acquired Richard Jefferson in the off-season.
5. My mom is at this very moment making me dinner.
6. I drive the sweetest car in the valley.
7. I am acquainted with the residents of Chatsworth Four (I’m actually not sure if that’s how you spell it though).
8. For lunch today I ate raw cookie dough and had a soda.
9. I don’t do drugs.
10. I can tell you my eleven times tables up to 100 without a calculator.
11. My favorite people list is constantly getting larger. In fact, I have met several people these last couple months who are definitely making their way to those most coveted “Top Ten” spots. I, of course, can’t say who’s on it, but you might be (by the way, I found my favorite people list from high school the other day. Very interesting because back then I actually did write down who was on the list).
12. My brother Big Stew is still shorter than I am.
13. I’m a Moroni (you know, Mormon’s an amazing man, but I connect just a little bit better with Moroni).
14. We just had General Conference (I call that Elder Holland is my missionary companion in the Spirit World, just saying).
15. I have a job (and not only do I have a job, but it’s a pretty spectacular job at that, even if the Ry-Masta and Squanto are no longer in any of my classes and my TA’s are ridiculous).
16. I ran a bleacher mile yesterday without having to throw-up, which is pretty good.

And there you have it. Who can complain about not getting a date when I’ve got all that going for me you know.