the life and times of mr. andrew t. wright

Monday Madness

2012-01-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

Hello. I have a goal. Write more often. I will.

- Currently I’m watching the Republican Presidential Candidates Debate. Interesting. I like Santorum

- I was just watching The Fox and the Hound. I find that movie interesting.

- I really wish that there were more Harry Potter movies/books. I miss them all, especially Snape and Dumbledore.

- Here’s my rating of prominent males on Gilmore Girls (who knows if the spelling right).
1. Luke
2. Zack
3. Kurt
4. Everybody else except . . .
104. Dean
105. Jess

- By the way, Gilmore Girls is an interesting show. Not sure what I think about it yet.

- Sometimes I think it’s crazy that I’m a step dad. Who’d of thunk (apparently according to my spell check “thunk” isn’t a word, which just goes to show that nobody consulted anybody in Goshen when they created these spell check thingers).

- I should go to bed. It’s 11:00 p.m. and all I’m doing is listening to Newt Gingrich talk. Why did I stop watching The Fox and the Hound? I just don’t understand myself.

- I’m going to watch Anderson Cooper 360.

- But before I do, let me just say that I think this is the worst NFL season in my lifetime. I cried last night when the Niners and the Ravens lost (well, not really, but almost, and I’m pretty sure my brother Spencer did).

And that's all

2012-01-19T21:25:00.001-08:00

Dear People,

Here are my thoughts:

1. If Newt Gingrich becomes the President of the United States I’m moving to Africa.

2. I’m still not sure I want Romney to win the nomination. I don’t know if I could handle the pressure of my religion being judged by just one person in such a highly scrutinized position (if that makes sense, which it probably doesn’t).

3. Conclusion: I’m voting for Ron Paul.

4. But to more important things, I really, really want the 49ers or the Ravens to win the Super Bowl. If it’s the Patriots or Giants, I’m moving to Africa.

Being A Teachifier

2011-12-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

Back in the day when I was a history student at the B.Y. University, I used to take history classes (shocking I know). Anyway, in said history classes at the beginning of the semester we would often introduce ourselves. Normally the introductions would go something like this.

Male Student One: Hello, my name is Peter. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to go to law school.

Male Student Two: Hello, my name is James. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to law school.

Male Student Three: Hello, my name is John. I’m a history major. I was going to be a history teaching major, but then I decided I wouldn’t be able to support a family as a teacher so I’m going to law school.

Me: Hello, my name is Andrew and I’m a history teaching major (and apparently I don’t care about being able to support a family, which could explain why I can’t get a second date).

Anyway, that was back in my college days. Now fast forward to last year when I met the girl of my dreams whose dad just happens to be, yep, you guessed it, a lawyer. This has allowed me to have first hand knowledge of what I passed up. Not only that, but the Mrs. works for him so that even gives me a little more insight.

Well, as you know, or should know, Christmas is coming up which means it’s time for Christmas bonuses. The Mrs. found out what her Christmas bonus on Sunday and then I got mine on Monday. Now, to ensure that I don’t get fired by the District, or beat up by the father according to law, I won’t divulge how much each bonus was (and remember, the Mrs. is just an employee of the lawyer, not the lawyer himself) however just know that her's was more than mine, and not just by a little bit.

This has led me to come up with a list (you know it had to be coming sometime right) of why I still love teaching, even if my teaching bonus, is, well, somewhat recessionistic. Hopefully this list will convince any prospective history student out there that teaching, not lawyerifying, is really the way to go.

- I had a student who wore real chain mail to class a couple weeks ago. It was awesome.

- I get to watch Payson basketball destroy the team from the Hills (course, anybody could have watched that game theoretically, but it’s not the same when you work with them).

- I get to teach two amazing U.S. Studies classes. I think someone in those classes listened to me . . . once.

- I honestly look forward to going to work every day.

- I can still eat school lunch whenever I want.

- I get to work with teenagers every day. Who doesn’t love teenagers.

- I get to ride on school buses to such places as Delta, Vernal, Price, Mt. Pleasant, and Nephi at least twice a year.

- I’m able to constantly update my vocabulary as I listen to my students talking.

- I get to have lunch with Coaches Johnson, Beck, Peery, and Chapman (who also like to keep me up to date on any vocabulary I might not know).

- I'm constantly amused, like when one of my students didn’t know that reindeer were real (oh wait, that was somebody else I know)

- My students also keep me humble. For example, in the space of about three minutes I had two students tell me I was weird and a different one told me I was awkward. It was very enlightening.

And that will do for now. If that doesn't convince you that you should be a teacher instead of a lawyer, I don't know what will.

It's Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T16:54:00.001-08:00

Well hello. Here I am sitting in the living room watching Peter Pan with the Mrs. and Holdikus. I really like this movie. If my Dad were here he would say something like “They just don’t make them like this anymore.”

Anyway, to more important things.

- First off, several entries ago I talked about how much I’ve enjoyed sports this year. Although I still stand by that statement, I’m really not enjoying the NFL this year. Total disappointments all the way around. The Redskins are horrible . . . again, Peyton isn’t even playing, and the Eagles can’t decide whether they should be good or bad.

- Speaking of sports, I enjoyed watching the Galaxy victory in MLS this last Sunday. I love David Beckham. He’s always been one of my favorites, ever since the 1998 World Cup (although I still haven’t forgiven him for getting carded against Argentina).

- I watched The King’s Speech the other day (edited of course) and I very much enjoyed it. I should have been English.

- Yesterday I dreamt that my boss fired me. I wonder what I would do if I were fired. I think I would become a grocery store manager or bag boy.

- I was thinking that since it’s Thanksgiving I should make a weblog post about those things for which I’m thankful. Then I decided not to.

And that’s all.

Novemberness

2011-11-07T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hello people.

The Mrs. is downstairs resting because she has a headache (that’s what happens when you are forced to live with yours truly). I’m currently sitting here in my living room watching the Chicago Bears play the Philadelphia Eagles. My brother, Big Stew, is convinced that Philly will win the Super Bowl. I wouldn’t mind if that happened, but myself, I’m not so sure.

Anyway, this is what you should know as the the winter approaches.

- Just one question, if all newspapers go out of business, (which seems possible) what are people going to use to build fires? I mean we have to have something light to start the kindling.

- I miss the NBA. I don’t care that they’re both (the owners and the players) extremely rich and probably not the most humble people in the world, I sure do enjoy watching professional basketball.

- My wife told me the other day, “You know, just when I start to think that you’re really weird, I get on facebook and decide [after seeing others on there] that you could be weirder.” Not really sure what to make of that.

- I’m obsessed with Jeopardy.

- The Mrs. found a gray hair yesterday. I was so proud. (Actually, I never thought that I would have any hair to actually turn gray so that was nice too).

- I am still so upset that the Rangers lost the World Series. It brought to mind my most depressing sports memory of all time: The Athletics loss to the Reds in 1990. I actually still haven’t recovered. I don’t think I’ll ever recover actually. It has scarred me for life.

- I think the world should petition J.K. Rowling to write another series of some sort. I miss her wisdom.

- One of Holden’s first phrases upon rejoining us this week: “BYU is yucky.” I’m still appalled.

- I still do not understand Twitter. I mean I understand the “how”, but the “why” is so beyond me. Why?

And that’s all. I hope you have a great night.

A Few Things

2011-10-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Kids,

These are some things you could probably do without knowing. Thus, if I were you, I would stop reading right now.

Right now I’m sitting watching the aftermath analysis of the Republican Presidential Debate. Absolutely fascinating. I wish I had been there live. I should go into politics (as a staff member mind you, not the actual office holder). As far as Mr. Romney, I’m still in-between.

To another subject, this year has been a great sports year. Actually, let me restate: this year has been an amazing sports year. Why you ask? Well, the Steelers lost the Super Bowl (how can a normal person actually like that team?), LeBron lost another championship series, and the Yankees didn’t make the World Series (sorry Coach Johnson). Add to that the Cougars’ Sweet 16 run and both of my soccer teams making it to state and you’ve got a great year.

I would just like to mention that I have not lost all of my hair yet. In case you were wondering. (I was really expecting to have no hair round about the age of 30).

One day I’m going to understand why some Evangelicals really, really don’t like Mormonites. Right now I don’t.

Is it bad that I don’t like Halloween?

Today (and yesterday) I watched The Lion King with Holdikus. I decided on two things while I was watching. 1) Although it’s animated, that movie is not really a little kids movie. 2) I love that movie. I cry every time.

My biggest fear: That I’ll get up in front of my class and start teaching with my fly down. Boy that would be embarrassing.

My wife is amazing. One reason she’s amazing: she’s really smart.

Could you please explain to me what in the world Santaquin is doing with their Main Street. Do we need two lights there? Do we need two lanes for two blocks? I’m just really confused. If you’ve never been to Santaquin, please visit and tell me if you understand.

And after two hours, I still don’t know whether I want a fellow Mormonite to be president.

Moneyball

2011-09-27T21:26:00.001-07:00

Today the Mrs. and I went to watch the movie Moneyball. It was good, maybe even really good. I wouldn’t go with great yet (I have this theory that in order for a movie to be great it has to stand the test of time. For example, in a year from now, will I even remember that Moneyball exists? If not, I don’t care how much I liked it on the first viewing, it is not great). Anyway, these are my thoughts about said movie.

1. Actually this is pre-movie. Before the movie started they showed a trailer with Leo in it. That man is one great actor. I think I’m going to need to convert him in the spirit world. I believe that puts the number to six of people I need to convert when I die (if not sooner).

2. To the movie. I really like the song his daughter sings for him. It’s really quite nice. I’m not sure about that loser part at the end, but I like it.

3. Brad Pitt is one good looking guy (and considering that I’m a male, I can’t even imagine what the ladies think when they see him).

4. I sure hope I’m not as nerdy in my step-daddedness as that step-dad was. I’m still cringing actually.

5. I hate the Yankees. I really do. I think I dislike them more than I dislike any organization in the whole word (except for maybe the Columbian drug cartels and the mafia).

6. You should know that I cannot recommend this movie. Why? Because it drops the f-bomb twice and swears fairly often. Would I watch again? Yes (and hopefully that doesn’t lower my chances of converting Leo in the afterlife).

7. I love the idea in the film of taking chances and believing in what you’re doing. My favorite part of the whole movie is when they decide to trade Pena. You’ve got to do what you believe in.

8. I love baseball. I’m so excited for the playoffs. However, if the Braves blow it, I’m going to be really upset for a very long time.

9. I feel exactly the same way about losing as Billy does. I hate to lose a whole lot more than I love to win.

10. Also, the great wins are memorable, but the tough losses you never forget, ever. I’m hoping the Resurrection helps ease the sting of some of those.

And that’s all.

My Complaints

2011-09-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

Before I start I should mention that I’m listening to my new favorite song, “As I Am” by one Dan Cahoon. It’s nice.

But let us move on to more important things. I’ve decided to make a list of my current complaints. I think it’s time that people should know.

1. I am so upset right now that KJZZ has pulled Jeopardy from its lineup and replaced it with that sham television show known as Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Did I mention that I’m upset? Well, I am.

2. If Peyton Manning doesn’t play football this year, I’m not watching any games (unless John Beck or Rex Grossman finally revives my Redskins who have been in a coma for a couple of decades). Come on doctors, I place the blame on you. Figure it out. If you were on my team, you’d be running hills right now.

3. I’d like to complain about whatever yahoo (pronounced “yay-who”) put the whole state of Utah’s roadways under construction. I mean come on, moderation in all things. I don’t mind a little here or there, but honestly, this is a bit much.

4. This comment was deleted by the editor (the complaint had something to do with temples and ground-breakings, but the editor didn’t want to be struck by lightning so . . . )

5. This comment was also deleted by the editor (it had something to do with hills and transfers but I want to fired even less than I want to be struck by lightning so . . .)

6. NBA and owners, knock it off. If I don’t have any playoff games to watch come May and June I swear I’m going to self-destruct (although Euro 2012 is next year so that might save me).

7. I’m currently a little upset with Ms. J.K. Rowling. I mean, I know it couldn’t go on forever, but personally, I could have done with a couple more books/movies. You know, two or three would have been nice.

8. I would just like to complain about how little Swiss German I hear these days. I mean, it’s the language of heaven and I barely ever get to hear it. When I die and I meet Peter at the pearly gates, I hope it doesn’t take me too long to remember it. “Und Peter, wie haesh es? Goht’s dir guet?”

9. I do not like the Internet. Yes, I realize the irony of that statement here, but I still don’t like it. True, there are positives, but I think the cyber world has sacrificed quality for quantity (the fact that you’re reading this illustrates my point perfectly). Not only that, but I believe the Internet makes real learning harder, not easier.

10. And finally, I’d like to complain to whomever decided that schools should start at 7:55 a.m. I mean come on, sleep is so precious these days. How about we move it to about 10:37 so I can get a good night’s sleep in?

August

2011-08-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hello, these are some items for consideration:

I’m strangely obsessed with the song “I See the Light” from Tangled. I don’t know what it is. I don’t think I’ve appreciated a song from a movie this much since “My Heart Will Go On” from Titanic.

The Mrs.’s ex-husband (I have yet to figure out a clever nickname for him, but I’m sure it will come) accused me the other day of being anti-social. Hmmm.

The Mrs. and I have started to watch Gilmore Girls (it’s the only way I can get her to let me watch the NBA playoffs and MNF when that time comes, which is well worth it I might add). We’re on the second season. I would just like to say that I hate Jess. I never thought anyone could make me actually like Dean. I hated him actually. But now, he’s bearable. Anybody is acceptable in comparison to Jess.

I rarely comment on politics because I think people that comment on politics are boring. However, I will say this: if Utah becomes a state ruled by Tea Partyists, I’m moving. You Tea Party people can claim that you’re strict constitutionalists all you want, but if the drafting of the Constitution teaches us anything, it is that good government cannot exist without compromise. Okay, I’m done ranting.

I’m listening to “My Heart Will Go On” for my fourth straight time right now.
I figure since I’m only around Holden every other week, I might as well impart as much goodness as I can as often as I can right. So the other day I had him listen to one of my favorite songs “Be Thou My Vision.” His response at the end: “Andrew, that was a good song.” Now I’ve just got to get him to appreciate Lawrence Welk.

Can you believe that the Mrs. still hasn’t been to Eureka? I know, it’s like living 15 miles away from Buckingham Palace and without ever seeing it. Only Eureka’s probably cooler.

. . . five straight . . .

It was Salem Days on Saturday. It’s definitely one of my top five national holidays (well it should be, even if it isn’t). You know you were raised in the right community when the neighbors talk about whether or not a mayor will be re-elected based upon the annual firework show.

It’s my dad’s birthday today. I miss him.

Cherries

2011-08-07T17:29:00.001-07:00

I’m working cherries. Those of you unluckies not from these parts might not know what that means. Let me explain. Basically, everybody raised in the metropolis of Payson/Salem/Santaquin, sometime in their life will work (or think about working) at the local cherry plants during the late summer. There are two plants: McMullins and Payson Fruit Growers. I had, until this year, missed out on this blessed opportunity because I, as a young high schoolian, had always worked at the swimming pool during the non-schooling months. However, this month I finally filled that long held void in my life.

If you’re trying to a picture a cherry plant, think of the factories on the movie North and South, then just take out the cotton and you’ve got the general idea. If you haven’t seen North and South (which, considering your general lack of culture, you probably haven’t) just think of those pictures you’ve seen of factories around the turn of the century and that’s about the jist of it.

At the plant there are several types of jobs, most of which involve staring at cherries moving along a conveyer belt. Now as fun as these jobs may sound (and let me tell you, you have no idea the excitement that can be had sorting cherries as they head towards their white bucket destination), my job is actually more fun. Yes, it’s true, I am one of the much acclaimed forklift drivers. Not only do I get to drive a lifting fork, but I get to drive said machine from approximately 9:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. (that’s during the night if you were confused). I know, I know, I can barely contain my excitement, even just talking about it.

As to my actual skills, I would probably say that I’m the second worst forklift driver of all time (as for who the worst is, I’ll leave that discussion for another day). No really, I am. Just picture those grannies driving down the middle of the road on the mechanized wheel-chairs and you’ve got the general idea of my speed and driving accuracy, except I might drive a little more crooked. I am making progress though. Miguel and Moises no longer look at me with looks of “Who in their right mind would ever hire this yahoo.” Lately it’s been more of a “You’re still don’t know what you’re doing, but at least you haven’t destroyed anything in the last couple hours”.

2011-07-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

I be in Portugal. I have ten things I need to tell you (and not necessarily about Portugal):

1 - My back hurts like crazy. I feel like an old man. I sit down in a chair and five minutes later I feel like I might die. How am I a 75 year old 29 year old.

2 - I’ve decided that our culture’s technological obsession has led to us valuing quantity over quality. I mean really, if you look at face book it says I have 900 friends. Not true. Not including family, I have three, maybe four friends total, and that’s on a good day. Like I said, technology emphasizes the quantity, not the quality. Another example, the Internet. Yes, it gives us a lot of information but I’m not sure that anyone who has a brain would argue that it’s quality.

3 - I just finished reading the book Great Expectations. So good. I learned about life. I love writers who make me work to understand and comprehend.

4 - I’m currently in a town called Maiorca. No offense to anyone from this town who’s reading this, but this town is literally the weirdest town I’ve ever been to. No kidding. If your planning your vacation right now, I would seriously recommend against coming here.

5 - I don’t understand Portuguese, but the people here seem very friendly (although, for all I know, they could be swearing at me and just be pretending to be happy).

6 - I miss the Mrs.

7 - I went to a Catholic mass yesterday. It was in Portuguese (refer to number 5) but I as I was listening I came to the conclusion that if I weren’t a Latter-day Saint I would either be an Amish person or a Catholic.

8 - Because I’m obsessed with sports and the current theme is the lockouts, let me weigh in. It is neither the owners nor the players fault. It is the fans’ fault for being willing to pay so much for tickets, advertising, etc.

9 - I should have learned how to play the guitar.

10 - I’ve been using a Kindle here on tour because it’s much easier than packing several books. However, I’m not converted. It’s just not for me.

And that’s all.

Frankreich

2011-07-10T14:47:00.001-07:00

I currently be in France down in the Basque region. It’s nice. I don’t hate it. In fact, I quite like it.

I have some things that I should be telling you.

- I miss the Mrs.

- I don’t like sightseeing. It’s boring. I know I’m a history teacher and I should like sightseeing. However, in my humble opinion, the best way to get to know a culture is not by looking at its old buildings. It’s by talking with its people. But what do I know (very little I’m afraid).

- Also, I would just like to say that I like printed newspapers a whole lot more than online newspapers. Here I am in France so I have to access the Deseret News online. I hate it. Just thought you should know.

- I just watched the U.S. beat Brazil in the Women’s World Cup with my host family. If you like soccer you would have liked that game. It was amazing. No really. Why it was interesting:
- Rarely have I seen a team play as hard as the U.S. women’s national team. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen professional athletes play that hard for that long a time. All out for 120 minutes. Amazing.
- The ref was not good. That always makes things interesting (why I like a sport where the refs mistakes can affect the game so much is a topic for another day).
- The Brazilians were . . . Brazilian.
- I was watching with French people who still understood me when I went crazy about the missed offsides call (and all said I didn‘t need to watch the next game because the U.S. is playing France so the U.S. is going to lose anyway).
- There is nothing better than an extra time goal scored by the team your supporting.

- Something else I’ve noticed about the France. They’re definitely not as into the Internet as we are. I like it. They’re still going strong with their little shops. See Amazon isn’t taking over the world. At least not France.

- After nine years of dancing you’d think I’d actually be a decent dancer by now. I’m not (if you were wondering)

- I still can’t get over that U.S. win. Unbelievable.

- Speaking of wins, I still can’t get over how the Mavericks beat the Heat. Seriously. The team I hate never loses. But then they did. And I’m still so happy. This will carry me through at least 15 more Lakers/Yankee/Steelers championships.

- And I still miss the Mrs.

That’s all.

2011-06-15T14:25:00.001-07:00

Some things you should know:

- I went to Golden Corral yesterday for the first time in my life. It was amazing. If they don’t have buffets in heaven, I’m not going.

- One time I went to Low Book Sales to see about selling the Mrs.’s car. I will not go back. The guy that talked to us reminded me of the dad on Matilda. They have lost my business for eternity. If they are in heaven, I’m not going.

- I do not hate LeBron. I did, but then the Mavs won. So now I don’t.

- My current musical obsession: Trace Adkins—“All I Ask For Anymore”

- I watched three movies the last couple of days that ain’t half bad.

Hereafter—The Mrs. and I cried. Definitely will make the all-time list.

True Grit—Still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around it. Those Coens are interesting

Saving Private Ryan (edited of course)—Well, since it was edited it was pretty disjointed, but I’m pretty sure I cried every ten minutes. “Earn this”

- I hate spiders and snakes.

- I should be cleaning the bathroom right now. All in good time.

- I don’t want Jimmer to go to the Jazz for the same reason that I don’t want Romney to be president.

- The Mrs. is smart. Way smarter than I am. If you have any questions, ask her.

- I made waffles that were edible for the first time in history today. Mom’s are way better.

- Even though I can make waffles, I still don’t feel adultish. Maybe when I turn 30.

- I think this upcoming year I might actually teach my students somethings. No really, I think I might. I mean, I've been trying for the last four, but I think this might be the year.

That’s all.

Graduation

2011-06-05T22:08:00.001-07:00

High school graduation was a couple of days ago. We teachifiers are required to sit up on the stand and watch the whole process. Although some teachers hate it, I love it. I love to see all those students walk by. Since I know most of them, I always feel so proud of them for their accomplishment. In fact, occasionally I might shed a tear or two when a student walks by. Not because I’m sad, but because as they walk by, the life lessons I’ve learned from them flash before me.

See, I just don’t think high schoolers realize the impact they have on their ornery old teachers like me (and yes, I am old). We get paid to plan lessons, teach, and grade papers, but somehow, in the end, I think I learn more than my students than they do from me.

When I tell grown-upified people I teach teenagers for my profession, they cringe. “How can you put up with them every day?” they wonder. But that question always just confuses me. I have no answer because, honestly, I don’t understand it. I don’t “put up” with my students (although, of course, I’m sure there are some teachers that do). I learn from them, I admire them, and hopefully, I teach them a little tiny bit in return. They are truly remarkable.

Truthfully, I love my job. I have no idea how I am so lucky to be able to do what I do. In fact, besides being with the Mrs., I would rather be at school teaching than anywhere else.

So, what exactly have I learned from these young people this year? I will listify for you.
- What it means to be a true friend.
- What it means to work hard.
- What it means to never, ever give up on a dream.
- What it means to be and stay positive.
- What it means to lift others up.
- What it means to respect others.
- What it means to love learning.
- What it means to accept trials and continue with your head up.
- What it means to become better.

Thank you students.

Life's not fair

2011-05-17T20:56:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just don’t get how life can be so unfair. I just don’t understand it. For example:

- How can it be fair that I got to live with my dad for 27 years, but my brother only got to live with him for 11?

- How can it be fair that I have an amazing family and an amazing wife when some people don’t have either those?

- How can it be fair that I have the best job in the world when some people just wish they had any job?

- How can it be fair that I get to travel to Europe every year when some people are lucky just to have enough money to eat?

- How can it be fair that I'm relatively healthy when some people are so sick?

- How can it be fair that I was born with the Book of Mormon in my home and some people will never even hear of it in their lifetime?

I just don’t understand.

Sports

2011-05-15T20:48:00.001-07:00

Well hello there. Today me and the Mrs. watched a little basketball (yes, I realize it’s the Sabbath, but I was still in my church clothes so it should be alright, shouldn’t it). Anyway, as we were watching (and occasionally flipping to ESPN to watch baseball), I had the following thoughts:

I really don’t like the LeBron, but at the same time, I really don’t like Carlos Boozer either. Basically I have no idea which team I should cheer for in the Miami vs. Chicago series (plus, as the Mrs. noted, both LeBron and Carlos aren’t good-looking at all).

I’m really glad that the Lakers lost to the Mavs, but you know, compared to the Heat, Kobe really isn’t that unbearable. From here on out I choose Kobe over LeBron every time. And Kevin Durrant over both of them.

Has there ever been a more depressing Final Four in NBA basketball? I don’t think so. Who am I supposed to cheer for?

If I were to choose my top ten favorite teams in the NBA, none of those four teams would even be close.

I really hate the Yankees.

I think one of the happiest moments in recent memory was hearing that Spanish Fork tied Salem in soccer. I can’t even describe the elation.

Is it bad that other people’s failures in the wide world of sports make me feel so good? (my own answer: probably not).

My favorite players left in the NBA playoffs

Mr. Kevin Durrant

Mr. Dirk Nowitzki

Mr. D-Wade

And that’s all, I don’t even semi- like anybody else that’s left. Except for maybe Mr. Derrick Rose.

My 2B class is the most anti-sports class I have ever had. Honestly, I could ask them what team Kobe Bryant played for and more than half wouldn’t even have a clue. I just wonder how people like that even survive.

I was watching the movie Fiddler on the Roof the other day and I would just like to say that it is amazing. Honestly, that and the Wizard of Oz have to be in a tie for second right behind My Fair Lady for favorite musicals all-time.

Speaking of favorites. Miracle is quickly moving up my favorite all-time sports movies. Right now the list is as follows:

Chariots of Fire

Hoosiers

Miracle

The Natural

Remember the Titans

And that’s about it for today. Good Sabbath to you.

Good Sabbath

2011-05-01T20:42:00.001-07:00

Dear People,

I think y’all should know the following:

I live in Goshen, Utah.

I do not like the Lakers. If they win the NBA championship this year, I’m never watching NBA basketball again. Ever.

My glasses are broken. They’re always broken. I’m now wearing my mother’s glasses.

I watched the Spurs pull out a miracle win (literally) this week only to lose the series two days later. I hate sports.

My wife is amazing. Just ask any of my missionary companions and they’ll tell you how unbearable it is to spend any amount of time with me on a consistent basis. And yet six months later she’s still here.

As opposed to many, I’m actually quite enjoying the current weather patterns. The snow and rain keep the allergies away and for that I am grateful.

Surprisingly, I still have hair.

Payson High School’s Prom is this week. 12 years later and I still don’t understand why anyone would go.

Could you please explain to me why anyone would ever live in Eureka (and don’t even think about making comments about the Goshe, I can tell you 523 good reasons right now).

You know what I think about the government. I think people should stop complaining. How is it that we constantly complain about the people WE chose? I don’t get it.

I watched Jurassic Park for the first time ever last week. Really? This is what everybody was obsessed about when I was in middle school? Unbelievably average. How in heaven’s name was that movie so popular?

I’m still a little bit confused as to why the royal wedding was so popular in America. No seriously, why? I lived in England, I study history, and I still don’t understand.

Ever since Jerry Sloan left, I am absolutely apathetic regarding the Jazz. Who cares what the Jazz do? Jerry’s not there.

I’m supposed to be doing something productive right now.

Do you know what’s in style at Payson High School these days amongst some of the athletes? The mullet (and I have no idea how to spell it, so I apologize if I’m wrong). Can you believe that? I can’t.

The real question is though, how many people do you think would good inactive if the Church came out tomorrow with the following: “Just kidding, the temple isn’t going to be built in Payson anymore, it’s going to be built in Salem.”

That’s all.

The Goshe

2011-03-27T19:45:00.001-07:00

Dear Peasants,

Here I be in the Goshe with the Mrs., myself, and Holdikus. We’re watching Toy Story 2 on this fine Sabbath afternoon.

Anyway, yesterday my Uncle Conrad and I drove around the Goshe examining the living units. As we were cruising, I decided that everybody in the world should know the following about my beloved village of residence.

1. Goshen has an estimated population of 945.6.

2. Goshen has an estimated 798 trucks, 564 tractors, and 1021.3 four-wheelers. 95% of which are broken down.

3. When I first moved to Goshen, I thought there were two trailer parks. However, after driving around yesterday, I actually realized that Goshen itself is a trailer park, with a few houses spread throughout.

4. There are two places to purchase merchandise in the town.

Here . . .

and here

5. When we say we’re going to the city we usually are referring to Santaquin (population 8,566). Although, if we’re really going to the city we probably mean Payson (population 18,150). And occasionally we do make it all the way to the Provo. Which is 45 minutes by car and half a day by horse.

6. Driving from the east side of Goshen to the west side takes exactly 22 seconds if you’re going 43 miles per hour. Really, I timed it myself.

7. Goshen used to be named Sodom. Honest.

And that’s all.

A Few Letters

2011-02-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Man Upstairs,

I hate snow.

Dear Government,

I don’t care what everybody else says, I still don’t hate you.

Dear Kobe,

I’m still torn. Should I hate you or not? And if I should hate you, should I hate you more or less than LeBron?

Dear Mr. Peery,

Southern Timpview doesn’t deserve you. But since you’re there, hopefully you can talk some sense into ‘em.

Dear Deron,

Serves you right.

Dear Jerry,

With Deron gone, will you please come back.

Dear Jimmer,

You’re a really good player, but I don’t think Jackson would mind if you passed to him a little more often.

Dear Goshenites,

New city ordinance: unless you’re having a family reunion, could you please keep the number of cars outside your house less than 10.

Dear Brother Joseph,

Thank you.

Dear Mr. Menken,

Please don’t ever stop writing music.

Dear the Mrs.

I love you a whole lot.

Dear Dad,

I miss you a whole lot.

2011-02-13T20:57:00.001-08:00

There are some things you should know:

Tomorrow marks the first time ever in Andrew T. Wright history that I will have a significant other on Valentines Day. The streak of 28 years of aloneness is finally coming to an end. And to think all this time you guys thought I was a failure.

Just so you know, I’m really upset about the recent Jerry Sloan resigning. I don’t like the Jazz anymore now that he’s gone. For the last couple of years I’ve been splitting my loyalties between SLC and San Antonio, but without Sloan, forget it. Spurs all the way.

I just watched Dead Poets Society again. That movie is so good. So good. How that’s not on every person’s top five list I have no idea.

It’s my stepson’s birthday tomorrow. He’ll be two. After this last week, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t hate me, which is good.

Me and my brother were playing risk today and I had to quit because I was getting so upset. Really. I almost broke the table hitting it so many times.

I miss Mr. Peery. A lot.

I hate winter.

I love Goshen.

I hate ridiculous computers that are ridiculous.

I love the Mrs.

And that’s all.

The Story Part Two

2011-01-12T18:01:00.001-08:00

And you thought I was never going to finish . . .

At this point in the story there are two things you should know: 1) At this time (and currently come to think of it) the Wright family lived approximately 1 ½ blocks away from the Quesenberry family (about 300 paces to be exact) and 2) One of the many positives of being part of the Mormonified Church is that they have this super sweet communication system called the Relief Society. I mean, you want information about someone in the neighborhood, just to talk to a member of this organization and guaranteed they’ll know the answer.

Anyway, it just so happens that my mother is, luckily enough, a member of this Mormon intelligence organization. So, after seeing young Ms. Quesenberry in my singles ward, I soon thereafter questioned my mother concerning the current marital status of the aforementioned lady. Well, as you can imagine, I was super excited when my mom told me that Lauren was in fact single and that I could return her to her rightful spot on my prospect list.

One problem still remained however. That’s right, you guessed it, I was still the biggest wimp in the whole world. Five years later I still couldn’t seem to muster the courage to actually ask the young lady on a date. A couple weeks passed and pretty soon I had settled back in my comfort zone of singlehoodedness and talked myself out of ever getting up the courage to actually ask L-Money out on a date.

But, before you give up on me, let’s return to the challenge by my church leader to date more often. I had talked myself out of asking Lauren (surprise, surprise), but I still felt this nagging sensation (I believe they call it “the Spirit”) telling me that I needed to date more. Well, I sent the following petition to the man upstairs:

Dear Sir,

If you would like me to go on a date (which is apparently the case according to your employees) I wouldn’t mind if you showed me someone that I could ask on a date that wouldn’t shoot me down (which, as you know, is easier said than done).

Respectfully,
Your humble and occasionally obedient Servant

P.S. I’ll even fast about it if You want. And you know I hate fasting.

Well, I must confess that now and again my petitions do get answered so as I drove to and from work at the Payson each day, I anxiously awaited a response. As I was driving back and forth I passed, every day, the Quesenberry home. Each time I passed I felt that familiar nagging sensation. Well, as I’m prone to do with such promptings, I put it off about three days (maybe four or five though, I can’t really remember) then finally gave in. I called up my friend B. Drew Tyckson (because he has way more social skills then I do) and told him that I would like to have a little shindig at his house and we should invite this new girl in the ward to it. I told him that I wanted her to come, but I didn’t really know her so he should use his connections to get her to come. Well, Drew is pretty incredible and within minutes he had it all arranged. The shindig date was set, the girl was going to come, and I was finally going to meet Lauren E. Quesenberry.

Just one problem, I was still the biggest wimp ever put on this green earth. But don’t you worry, I didn’t back out completely, I did in fact go to the party. As I arrived at Drew’s house I was already to show my amazing charisma and sparkling personality. I walked into the house and found the room where they were gathered together. I walked into the room, saw Lauren (there were probably four or five other people in the room), and promptly walked out of the room. The rest of the night I spent by myself playing pool in a different room by myself. I just could not bring myself to talk to her. At the end of the night we all gathered together to play some old-school Nintendo so I did join them at the end, but do you think I talked to her? Of course not.

Can you say “biggest chicken in the whole world”?

So the day ended, I went home alone and life went on. I had to admit defeat. I realized that there was no way that I was ever going to talk to this girl. No way. No how.

The weeks went by and I again found myself at the Tyckson’s (and I might just mention here that I had actually fasted that day about finding somebody, so my hopes were pretty high). We were at this party-thingy and I was talking to my mentor Orrin S. Rothermel. As we were talking these three girls got out of their car (they were probably about 100 yards away so, since I’m basically blind, I couldn’t tell who they were) and Orrin, being his clever self said, “Hey Andrew, your future wife just showed up.” I laughed at his comment because we both knew that neither of us was never going to get married and then we continued talking about the intricacies of living the single life.

However, as the girls got closer I soon noticed that one of the girls was in fact Lauren (the other two girls ended up being these two crazy sisters called Elyse and Kyria). Anyway, as they got closer I noticed two things. One was that Lauren was really pretty (every time I saw her I would literally lose my breath and train of thought), but the other thing I noticed was that she looked like she would probably shoot me if I tried to talk to her (it was the “I’m way of your league so don’t even think about talking to me” look . So I didn’t. She walked within three feet of me, but did I acknowledge her presence? I’ll give you one guess. The night progressed as any usual part night. I kept my eye on her, hoping she’d pass by again, but eventually she left and naturally I left soon thereafter (at least mentally, if not physically). I had missed my opportunity again.

But hope was not lost.

The next night (which was a Sunday) I went to our weekly singles ward game night. I was a regular at said events (mostly because it was the only social interaction I could find each week) and expected a night of enjoyableness but nothing more. I was going to go there, watch some of my fellow ward members make fools of themselves trying to impress those of the opposite gender, consider potential candidates for myself, and then leave in the exact same fashion as I came: single. I mean, when you’re 29 and counting, you’re pretty much a professional attending these types of events.

Anyway, I went there and reluctantly consented to participating in this one game. I can’t remember what it was, but I really didn’t like it (I actually don’t like games since they often involve social interaction) so at an appropriate time, being sure not to hurt any feelings, I snuck out and walked over to the refreshment table (I was at that time addicted to the bowl of Starbursts). On my way over I noticed this really pretty girl sitting with a bunch of other girls (you know how they like to congregate) and I kid you not when I say I almost passed out right there and then when I noticed who it was. Yep, you’re right, as I walked by there sat the one and only Ms. Lauren. One problem though, she was talking to some other guy (just my luck).

Well, I found a seat nearby her (although not too close because I didn’t want to give myself away just yet) and then started to consider my plan of action. I had said “hi Lauren” as I sat down, but that didn’t get me anywhere (like I said, she was talking to this other bloke so I didn’t want to interrupt too much). There were two problems I had to overcome: 1) she was talking to the other fellow, 2) I have no social skills. Soon enough the first problem was resolved because my competition left (although, honestly, is there anyone who can compete with this). However, I still hadn’t thought of how to overcome the second. I mean really the only thing that I knew about her was that she was divorced with one child. And you know, I might not have very many social skills, but I was smart enough to know that, “So I heard you just got divorced” or “So, are people with children allowed at singles ward events” probably weren’t the most effective ways to start a conversation.

But as I thought and strategized, I was suddenly struck with inspiration. All of a sudden I noticed that she had on her person a device of cellularness. Not only that, but said device looked pretty fancy and I was pretty sure that it probably had Internet access. So, I decided that I would ask her about the score of the Celtics vs. Lakers game. You see, I had found a loophole. It’s true I have no social skills, however, when I’m talking about sports, I can kind of cover my weaknesses. When I received this inspiration, I knew that it was now or never.

So, after five long years, I finally took the bold step. I asked her if her phone could access the Internet (what a line for posterity right). From there on it was pretty smooth sailing the rest of the night (seriously, what was I so scared of all those years). To be honest, I can’t actually remember too much of what we talked about from then on, but somewhere along the line we decided that we’d much rather play a board game at her house than sit at some other persons house as our ward played “sharks and minnows” (a respectable game I’m sure). Thusly decided, we went over to her house and spent the rest of the night playing “Ticket to Ride” and deciding that we probably didn’t hate each other too much and we should probably be friends (at least on Facebook if nothing else).

And what is there to say from then on, but that the rest is history. The next night I asked her if she would like to go get some ice cream together and we’ve spent about every night together since then (except a one month stretch where I went to Europe, but we compensated by writing to each other every night, so it was kind of the same). I dated her from June to September, convinced her that my personality made up for my baldness, and we decided to get married on November 19. She is amazing. I’m still amazed that she would ever consent to spend even a day with me, much less a lifetime.

The Story

2010-12-15T21:44:00.003-08:00

I guess the question is always where to begin. Where our story began I’m not really sure. However, since I have to start somewhere, I think it best to start five years ago. I was a student at the B.Y., she was a student at the B.Y. and neither of us could have scarcely known what the next five years would hold.

It was 2005 when I was called by the then primary president of my Salem home ward (who also happened to be my mother) to be the primary teacher for the eleven year old boys. They were a rowdy group I’ll tell you and I don’t know that I actually taught them anything, but one of the boys in the class was named Daniel Quesenberry. I had heard of the family, but I didn’t know anything else except that Daniel talked a lot and was definitely not a teacher favorite.

During this time I went with my brother Speedy Dub (Spencer is his Christian given name) on choir tour as one of the adult chaperones (although I don’t really know that I was very adult). While looking through the bus lists (because I’m responsible like that) I noticed that there was a Quesenberry girl (Lauren by name) who was also supposed to be on the trip. For some reason I had this desire to meet her, but the trip came and went and I never did get the opportunity to wow young Sister Q. with my amazing personality.

Anyway, I returned home, continued teaching those eleven year olds from non-celestialness and went about being my usual single self. Then Christmas break rolled around and I saw for the first time the girl whose name I had only read earlier that year. I saw her come into sacrament meeting and I knew that I had to talk to her. So, during one of the breaks, as she was sitting in the church foyer I mustered up all the courage I could possibly find (which, let’s be honest, wasn’t much) walked up to her and said, “So you go to BYU? How do you like it?” (which was a pretty respectable line right). She looked up at me and said something to the affect of “It’s hard.”

I’m not really sure what I expected in her response, maybe I expected her to confess her undying love right then and there to a person she had never met. But whatever I had expected from her response, I didn’t get it (or maybe it was her tone of voice, I don’t really remember anymore) so I walked off dejected. “I don’t have a chance with her” is all I really remember thinking and thus passed my first encounter with Miss Lauren.

Well, I didn’t have the courage to talk to Lauren after that, but that definitely didn’t stop me from Facebook stalking her from time to time (and yes, it was only from time to time, I promise I wasn’t too creepy). I would go to her profile page and have the following debate in my mind:
Andrew One: I should write her a Facebook message and ask her on a date.
Andrew Two: No, only sissies ask girls on dates through email.
Andrew One: But I really want to go on a date with her.
Andrew Two: No. Besides she might not even know who you are so that would just be weird.
Andrew One: But maybe she does know who I am.
Andrew Two: No. You’re already weird. It’ll be disastrous to be creepy AND weird.
Andrew One: Okay (dejectedly)

Although I can’t tell you exactly how many times that occurred, it was definitely semi-bi-annually. But every time I buckled under the pressure and never actually sent the message.

Then, sometime in the fall of 2007, the perfect opportunity to ask that nice young lady on a date came my way. I was talking to my friend Erin Barker when she said to me, “Guess what Skinny, I have a roommate from Salem.” “Who is it?” I asked. “Lauren Quesenberry.”

When she said that I about passed out. The first thought that passed through my head was “well why don’t you set me up with her” but do you think that I said that. Of course not (story of my life). Again, I buckled under the pressure. I mean, here was the perfect opportunity, but do you think I took advantage of it.

Several weeks later Erin called me and said she wanted to set me up with somebody (and my heart skipped a beat), but instead of wanting to set me up with Lauren, she wanted to set me up with somebody else and again I had the opportunity to say, “You know who I really want to go on a date with?” But again I was a wimp (surprise, surprise) and I continued to live my life of singleness.

Well, some time passed (I imagine this was sometime during the fall of 2008) and I again thought to myself, “I haven’t Facebook stalked Lauren Quesenberry for some time, I’d better go see how she’s doing.” However, when I typed in her name in the search space, I couldn’t find her. “What?” I thought to myself, “This can’t be.” I was somewhat distraught, but I wasn’t to be put off the chase so easily so I continued my search. What I encountered however, was not what I hoped. I found her alright, but to my dismay and horror, she was married. No longer was she Lauren Quesenberry, but she was now Lauren Farrer and I had to acknowledge that my opportunity had passed. And seeing how a wise man once said that I shouldn’t covet my neighbors wife, I logged off and never looked Miss Lauren up again.

Now fast forward to May, 2010. I had been called by one of my church leaders (I don’t remember which) to repentance. I needed to date more. I shouldn’t give up on finding a wife (I had given up by the way, but I figured it never hurts to listen to your leaders). One Sunday, amongst the hundreds that I went to the Salem singles ward, I was sitting there minding my own business when in walked none other than Lauren Quesenberry. I was stunned. Really I was. I thought to myself, “Wait, what’s a married girl doing in a singles ward.” I wondered if she was there to listen to one of her friends speak or something, or maybe, (I was crossing my fingers at the time) she was at the singles ward because she was single. I just didn’t know. At the end of the meeting I got up to talk to her, but she was gone before I could get to her (a familiar refrain right). Was the girl of my dreams single again? I had to know.

To be continued . . .

The Story

2010-12-15T21:44:00.001-08:00

Hello

2010-10-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well hello there. I’ve got a few thoughts.

- As some of you recalcitrants know, I be the girls soccer coach here at the Payson. Can I just say that I don’t think a coach could be prouder of their team than I was this year with mine. We finished third in region, had a winning record for the first time in over a decade, went to state for the first time in seven years, and played quite well against a very tough Snow Canyon team in the playoffs.

- I’m pretty sure that success is because the team knew that if Lauren discovered that I was a horrible coach (which I generally am) she would probably leave me. And the last thing those girls wanted was for Lauren to leave (they know how socially inept I am). Thus the team played extra hard just to help me out and make sure Lauren stayed.

- I’m pretty sure the other reason we did so well was because Big Stew helped this year. Too bad he’s going back to the terrestrial kingdom in the spring.

- You know, that last point brings up an interesting question. If Payson is the Celestial Kingdom (which it obviously is since we get the temple) and Spanish Fork is the terrestrial, where does that leave Salem and Springville? I would go with Springville being telestial and Salem being outer darkness, but if that’s the case how do you account for Springville’s nickname (the devils)? It’s definitely a topic to be debated. Actually, maybe it goes like this:
Payson--Highest level of the Celestial
Spanish--Lower level of Celestial
Maple Mountain--Terrestrial
Salem--Telestial
Springville--Outer darkness
(I’m really thinking those last two are interchangeable)

- I wonder what the school board thinks about this.

- By the way, boys soccer team, the girls have set the bar pretty high for you. I expect great things.

- Have I mentioned that I would like to here state that I have a new found respect for coaches the world over. I’ve decided that anybody who has never been a coach has absolutely no right to criticize anybody who is a coach. From now on, I promise to be much nicer to anybody who chooses to enter such a profession.

- Here is a list of my five current favorite things:
1 - Lauren E. Farrer
2 - The soundtrack from Cold Mountain
3 - Teaching AP European History (I’m a horrible teacher, but my word those students are smart)
4 - Payday (that’s on Friday if you were wondering)
5 - The start of the NBA

And that’s all

2010-09-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Children,

My brother came off his mission on Thursday. Do you know what one of the first things he said to me was? “You sure do have less hair than you did two years ago.”
With my loss of hair and advancing age I really do need to get married here pretty quickly.
Course, that means I’ll have to get over my fear of cooties which is much easier said than done.
I’m so excited for the General Conference. I think that even if I weren’t Mormonified I would still enjoy listening to Elder Holland, President Eyring, and President Uchtdorf.
I really, really like eating at McDonalds.

And that’s all

Back to School

2010-09-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

Leute,

I haven't written in a bit and I apologize. I noticed that a couple commentors have requested pictures of something. Next time I promise.

Anyway, school started on the 24th of August and I must say it's good to be back. In fact, it's so good to be back, I'm going to write my ten current favorites regarding my workifying at the Payson High School

1. Beating Salem Hills High (a.k.a. Timpview of Southern Utah County) in soccer.

2. Standing on the sidelines during the football games and acting like I'm actually doing something (actually, I'm pretty sure everybody knows I'm completely useless, but at least they still let me stay there).

3. Teaching U.S. history. 19 years after having my first U.S. history class (Mr. Daniel's fifth grade class) I still love learning about the history of our country.

4. School lunch.

5. Judging the contestants at Payson Idol. I'm pretty ruthless, in case you were wondering.

6. Working for my boss Principal Peery.

7. For once having something to look forward to after school gets out.

8. Trying to keep my students from being bored completely out of their minds (occasionally I succeed, but that's only when I bring food to class).

9. Walking into a classroom and knowing that not all of my students hate me (in fact, I think I've almost convinced one or two of my students that they might actually learn something in my class.

10. Coach Chapman and Coach Johnson. They're my guiding lights.

And that's all for now.

A List

2010-08-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

Well hello there. It has been some time since I wrote one of these. My apologies. I will do better. In my defense I did write something about cellular devices a bit ago but it sounded too bitter so I didn’t post it. Also, I tried to write in the Europe but just getting Internet access was fiasco enough, let alone trying to post something when everything on the website was in Turkish.

Anyway, enough of that, let me listify. Nothing like a list to help things come into focus.

1. Did you know that you cannot access YouTube in Turkey? It’s true.

2. School starts this month, I’m so excited. It’s such a good feeling to actually know that you’re getting something done (so that you know, I haven’t done anything this summer, I’m such a waster).

3. My mother just asked me why anyone would want a cell phone (she’s been on the phone the last hour). My honest answer: I have absolutely no idea. When I was in Switzerland last week my host mom gave me a cell phone. It rang for me three times. I refused to answer it all three times. When you hate talking to people it makes absolutely no sense to have a cell phone.

4. I watched the movie Inception. I have a rule that you can’t put a movie on your "Favorite Movies of All-Time List" until it has stood the test time (meaning can it withstand multiple viewings and still not be boring), but I’m pretty sure Inception is eventually going to make the cut. I just have a feeling.

5. Soccer season started this week and my brother Big Stew has agreed to finally join the goodness. I’m excited. Now if only I could figure out how to coach.

6. I think football has an unfair advantage over all other major sports because the season has such a great starting time. I mean, by August the boringness of summer is pretty much unbearable and you’re just looking for some kind of change.

7. I love football. It’s not my favorite sport to play, but it is definitely my favorite time of year. However, this year I’m going to be a little more subdued because I’m still upset with Payton Manning. In fact, I think I might have to take down his poster in my classroom for a little bit until he earns back my trust.

8. I went to Athens Greece four weeks ago. I’m just going to be honest and say that I was not impressed at all. I could do with never visiting that place again, ever.

9. I’m listening to Bob currently singing "Mr. Tamborine Man." I love it.

10. So there’s this little pizza place in Salem called "Lotsa Motsa Pizza." I’m pretty sure there are at least 534.75 improvements they could make, but I’m still obsessed with that place. If I hadn’t spent all of my money in Switzerland last week (can I just tell you how expensive that country is, unbelievable) I’m pretty sure I would go to Lotsa Motsa every day for their buffet. It’s amazing.

And that’s all.

2010-06-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

I’ve been told by this very demanding person I know (no, her name is not Karen Ericson although she does fit that description) that I should update this here web log. I, being the humble person that I am, submit to said demands.

Ten things you should know:

1 - The World Cup has been fantastic thus far (excepting the below average performance of the Three Lions of course). Myself, I’m rooting for the Netherlands or Spain. If Brazil or Argentina win it all, I’m never watching sports again. The Lakers and Brazil/Argentina winning their respective championships in the same year would be unbearable.

2 - I leave for Greece/Turkey/Switzerland on Saturday. Please be nice while I’m away. If I never come back, you’ll know that I accepted Islam and am working in a Mosque.

3 - Speaking of religions, I’m still convinced that one of my callings in life is to become the first Amish Mormon.

4 - I went to soccer camp last week. I consider my soccer team my collective bodyguard/advisor. Whenever I have any questions, I go to them first and if you ever want to kick me in the face you’re going to have to fight through them first.

5 - My current two favorite songs: 1) "The Call" by Regina Spector and "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol.

6 - I can’t wait for school to start again. Really. There’s just nothing like boring teenagers to death every day.

7 - I will have you all know that I was successful in reaching my goal of going on a second date before September. Yeah, I know, I didn’t think it was possible either, but miracles never cease right (and no, she’s not related, nor is she blind).

8 - It was my enemy Stephen Frandsen’s birthday this month. I hope you punched him in the face if you saw him.

9 - I recently went and saw Toy Story Three. The company was fantastic and the movie was quite good, but I’m not sure what all the hubbub is concerning this 3-D stuff. Quite overrated if you ask me. Plus, those glasses make me feel pretty foolish.

10 - If you ever have the chance to see the great stone face down past Delta I would highly recommend it. It’s pretty sweet. If you have any questions about how to get there, direct them towards Nathan K. Rees.

And that’s all.

In Memoriam

2010-06-03T14:39:00.001-07:00

The son

The brother

The Missionary

The Single Guy

The Preacher

The Teacher

The Husband

The Traveler

The Coach

The Father

The Thinker

The Student

The Chef

The Goof-off

The Musician

The Tour Guide

The Bishop

The Grandpa

The Example to the End

Gone Fishing for the Summer

2010-06-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

I be done teaching for a bit. This marks the conclusion of three solid years of teachifying. I think three years is a good point at which to look back and analyze. Thusly I here construct a list of what I done learned as a social science teacher at the Payson Senior High School.

1) I still don’t really have a clue.

2) Teenagers, for all their good qualities, are relatively tactless.

Example:
Student: Mr. Wright, if you ever want to get a girl you’ve got to change your wardrobe. Those clothes are pathetic (editor’s note: This comment may well be true, but the presentation could use a little revising).

3) My students, most of them, are surprisingly perceptive. They generally catch on pretty quick when I’m just winging it (except those choice few who can’t even remember what subject I teach. You tell me Ry-masta, is it World Civ or U.S. Studies).

4) However, the limit of their knowledge is occasionally quite humorous.

Example:
Me (to one of my students): Come on, I know you know which president was shot in 1963. Student: No, I really don’t know.
Me: (after a sigh): It was John F. Kennedy.
Student: See I didn’t know. I thought it was JFK or something like that.
Me: John F. Kennedy is JFK. They’re the same person.
Student: Really? I though JFK was that black guy.

(Scout’s honor this is a true story)

5) An incredibly effective way to manipulate the masses is through food. It’s unbelievable really.

6) I apologize most profusely to all my female friends who associated with me when I went to high school (all two or three of you) with whom I used to argue about the fact that teenage boys were more mature than teenage girls. It is an absolutely indefensible position in retrospect.

7) My biggest challenge: Trying to decide what to do with students’ cellular devices. If you have any ideas, let me know. I’m pretty sure that their over dependence on cell phones is having a much more negative impact than they can possibly imagine.

8) My principal (despite what other teachers may say, the bunch of malcontents) is an amazing man. Currently he ranks in my top five male/fatherly influences.

That list is:
My Dad
My Mission Presidents (I count them as one, just so I can have another spot on my list)
Dr. Frandsen
Principal Peery
Coach Peterson

And that’s all

P.S. My new favorite song: Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood (soon to be Carrie U. Wright since she’s going to marry me).

And I ask you, what's wrong with that outfit?

Mis Metas

2010-05-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hello kids. First off let me just say that I totally forgot to post one of my very favoritest reasons for liking Harry Potter in my last post. However, I'm not going to post it now either because that would require thinking and quite frankly I'm done with thinking for the time being.

Also I'd like you to know that it was Mother's Day on Sunday and my mother's pretty dad-gum rad.

But that's not what I'm going to write about either. Nope, for this here post I'm going to tell you some of my most recent goals.

1) To not lose all of my hair.

2) To learn how to play the bagpipes. I had my first lesson today. I'm horrible. Let me just put it this way, I'm a worse bagpiper than I am dancer (I know, bad huh).

3) To get a second date before September 22, 2010. My brother gets home from his mission on that day and if I've gone the whole two years without a second date I'm going to cry (well, actually I had a second date when he was in the empty sea so I guess it hasn't been quite two years)

4) To get big Stew to go on one date.

5) To compile my favorite students of all time list. N0w that I've taught a full three years I think it's time. And no, you're not on it (except you Ry-Masta).

6) To actually figure out how to teach. Like I said, I've been hired as a teacher now for three years so . . .

7) To learn Spanish.

8) To not be a total waste this summer when I'm not in school. Here's hoping I can wake up at least one day per week before 11:00 a.m.

9) To have a Lord of the Rings and Star Trek Next Generations marathon. And no, I don't want to watch them with anybody (except maybe Big Stew or Little Chad).

10) To write a biography of Oliver Cowdery. One day, one day.

Harry Potter

2010-05-05T20:45:00.001-07:00

I'm upset today (coaching will do that to you I suppose) so I'm going to write (writing makes me feel better . . . sometimes).

Why I Like Harry Potter:

- Above all, I like Sister Rowling's contrast of good and evil, light and dark, magic and the dark arts. Her writing may not be spectacular, but she sure does understand people.

- Along those lines however, I like how she is regularly pointing out that people aren't so easy to differentiate. The world is not split into evil and good, but rather to all shades, from brilliant white, to a hundred shades of gray, to dark black.

- I like how Harry grows up throughout the series. Those first books are so carefree and the last ones are so introspective. Maybe I'm just starting to grow up myself or something, but right now I have a lot of the same feelings that Harry has in books five through seven.

- I like how throughout the series the author points out how quickly things can change. Ten minutes ago order, now chaos. Yesterday alive, today dead. And yet, somehow, life just keeps going.

- I like Dumbledore. As mentioned, he is my favorite character of all time.

- I also like Snape . . . and Luna . . . and Lupin . . . and Tonks.

- I like J.K.'s treatment of the subject of death. Throughout the series there is the contrast. Regularly we read that "there are things worse than death." However, Harry is regularly confronted with how painful it is to lose family and friends. Not only that, but the dead, although existant after life, can never come back. As much as Harry wants it to be the case, they can't come back. Sure we can feel, talk, and occasionally see them, but it's not the same. How true.

- I like her treatment of teenage infatuation. I teach at a high school and I'll tell you this, she understands teenagers a lot better than teenagers understand teenagers.

- And my favorite quote "It is our choices that define who we are Harry, not our talents" (or something like that).

That's all.

2010-04-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I noticed that it has been sometime since I wrote one of these here web logs. I apologize for such recalcitrance (although in my defense, my arm itches).

I think the following bits of information are vital to your survival:

- I was talking to a ninth grade girl the other day and she informed me that my brother Big Stew (who once substituted her class) is hot. I was suprised for two reasons: 1) I myself was quite unaware of that fact and 2) I didn't know ninth graders were allowed to say those kinds of things about 24 year olds.

- I recently finished the Harry Potter series. It is officially my favorite series of all time and Dumbledore is officially my favorite literary character of all-time (narrowly passing Eyore and Spock). One of these days I will devote a web log post solely to Mr. Potter, but that time is not now.

- If you didn't know, the Jazz are not playing half-bad currently. I attribute this to their mentor, the Ry-Masta (a.k.a. Techno Twin One)

- I also recently finished viewing the original Star Trek movie series. Those movies were fantastic. I am a better person for having viewed them. And anybody that mocks Star Trek without even watching the movies is on my "least favorite people list."

- If you're wondering who my favorite student of all time is, his name is Jesse Coleman.

- I also recently watched the movie "Last Song." It used to be I would watch such movies and not think much of it. This time I couldn't help but relive so many of the scenes in that movie which were so similar to my own experience: finding out in the hospital, dealing with the shock, watching my little brother handle the situation, the final weeks of weakening, the last day, the musical number at the funeral. Very . . . sad.

- I have two goals for the next couple of years: learn how to speak Spanish and learn how to play the bagpipes.

- I don't know if you were aware of this (I certainly wasn't until I started teaching) but girls cry a lot. I'm still trying to figure out if my sisters are the exception or if they just hid in their room every time they cried when we were growing up.

- And finally I'd just like to make you aware that Payson High School has a bomb shelter should you ever need one.

And that's all.

Don't Mess With Texas

2010-04-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

I currently be in Texas. My mother, my youngest brother, my niece, Big Stew, and I made our journey down here last Friday and Saturday (it's Spring Break you see). We came down to visit my other brother Aaron and his family who live in Hurst (it's right outside of Dallas).

Now I should notify you that I've never really been to Texas (I've been to the airport several times, but that doesn't really count now does it). As this is my first time here, I've been making muchos observations. Some are as follows:

- I don't like it here for the following reasons:
1 - It's been windy here every day and I hate the wind.
2 - There ain't no mountains.
3 - It's five million degrees and it's only April. How depressing would life be with no spring.
4 - The sky here is pretty drab. Switzerland still has the best skies as far as I'm concerned.

- It's a pretty long drive from Salem, Utah to Dallas, Texas if you didn't know (not quite as long as from Provo to New Hampshire though if you were wondering). Also, watch out for the cops in Moab. The tickets in Grand County are pretty dad-gum expensive (course it doesn't really help when you're going thirty over).

- I like it here for the following reasons:
1 - My brother lives here and he's alright as far as brothers are concerned.
2 - I love Texas accents. They remind me of our former president who I also think is alright as far as presidents are concerned.
3 - They have lots of McDonalds around and I love McDonalds.
4 - The American Airlines Center (home of the Mavericks and Stars) looks like a pretty fantastic place.

- There are some pretty sketchy gas stations between Texas and Utah. At one of them I was pretty sure I was going to be kidnapped and be on the next episode of Unsolved Mysteries. (It didn't help that at the gas station before there had been inmates who were taking a bathroom break, leg irons and everything).

- Yesterday at a park I saw two women working on their football skills (not just playing mind you, but discussing strategies and skills etc.). Everybody really does play football in Texas.

- I love Harry Potter books and movies.

And until I have further information of this Texas place, I'll be signing off.

March Madness Baby

2010-03-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

Editor’s Note: Most of this was written last week. Just so you know . . .

Alright, I’m currently on my way home from coaching a boys soccer game. We’re riding the bus back from West Jordan where we pulled out a narrow 2-1 victory over the Jaguars. As I’m riding this here beautiful yellow school bus on the blessed I-15 I’m reminded of how much I hated riding busses when I was growing up going to school. In fact, I would say many of my worst memories of all time are composed of bus riding events. Thus I find it ironic that much of my current life is spent on these blessed beauties.

Anyway, I that note, I have a couple of comments for this week.

- Last Sunday I returned to my Alma Mater, the great Brigham Young University. And although Saturday’s wound was still fresh on my mind, I still have to say that the B.Y. is most definitely my favorite place of all time. I love that place.

- On Friday I went to a concert in the Salt Lake City tabernacle. The concert itself was absolutely beautiful, but they’ve got to do something about those wood benches. I’m all for proposing in the next General Conference that for the next three years five percent of our tithing funds go to providing cushioned seats in all Mormon worship venues (I‘m still debating about whether or not we should include the Marriot Center in the porposal).

- Yes or No: Do you think any of the General Authorities will make an indirect (or even better direct) statement about our current political situation. I‘m hoping they will, but doubting it. Now if President Benson or Joseph F. Smith were still around . . ..

- Continuing on a Mormon note. I’ve made it a goal in life that if I ever get engaged (big "if" though), I promise I won’t go inactive. What is it with engaged people suddenly becoming so unbearably flaky. Does it say anywhere in the scriptures that we should be anxiously engaged in a good cause unless we’re engaged?

- I love the Harry Potter books and movies. Love them.

- I just finished the fifth Star Trek movie. They are awesome. In fact, I almost checked out a book called I am Spock by Leonard Nimoy. However, I think I’d better be a little more experienced as a Trekky before I take that bold step.

- One of my most favorite things about being a teacher is that I know approximately 98.3 percent of my students have got my back. For example, whenever I tell them about girls shooting me down, they all are more than willing to go and egg said girls’ house (or something like that). Such allegiance is somehow very comforting.

- Yes, the previous bullet point did take place this week.

- I’m obsessed with watching Jeopardy. Tonite check on KJZZ at seven thirty and you’ll discover the goodness. It’s the best thing currently running on the idiot box.

- This last week I lip synced to David Archuletta‘s “Crush“. It was pretty fantastic.

And I think that’s more than enough for now.

roku

2010-03-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Six things to know:

- You can buy steer manure at Cal Ranch for $1.59.

- I'm deathly scared of riding motorcycles.

- Onions are the worst culinary idea of all time.

- Shadowlands is an amazing movie. I think it has officially reached "favorite movie of all-time" status.

- I'm pretty sure 96.3 percent of my students are addicted to their cellular devices. Really.

- Go Cougars

Boldly going . . .

2010-03-15T19:55:00.001-07:00

Today is March 15th. As my good friend once said, "Beware . . . the Ides of March." That about sums up today.

So, this is what I have to say:

- The "I need to set up Andrew Wright with someone" craze has spun completely out of control (which is funny, since I don't go on blind dates at all). I had at least 567.45 million people try and set me up last week. I don't mind, because as one of my many mentor's once said, "Andrew, you should take being set up as a compliment because at least they don't think you're a shmuck." However, moderation in all things please. I'm currently feeling a bit overwhelmed.

- I need a haircut.

- I hate this timezone switchy thing.

- I also hate soccer tryouts. They were two weeks ago and I felt like a jerk. Actually, I take that back; during tryouts I don't just feel like a jerk, I am officially a jerk and I hate it (you see, contrary to popular belief, although sometimes I enjoy acting like a jerk, I don't actually enjoy the state of being a jerk). Life shouldn't consist of moments where I have to tell wide-eyed young 'ens that they aren't good enough. It just doesn't seem right. Breaks my heart actually.

- I ran a mile in six and one half minutes today. Good huh? It's my own personal best. However, this girl named Mary Allphin still beat me. And she's only a sophomore. But I'm not ashamed.

- I started my Star Trek marathon. I'm on movie four and I love them. In fact, I've enjoyed them so much, I was going to write a weblog about that, but I think I'll wait. Let me just say that Spock has definitely entered my top three fictional characters of all time. He's certainly right up there with Dumbledore and Eyore,

- Pray for my Cougars this Thursday; they'll need it.

- I had a student tell me at least 34.56 times today that the assignment I was giving out was stupid. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to throw something at that student? Don't worry though, I resisted. But he'd better watch out next time . . .

- I'm tired and going to bed.

Live Long and Prosper

Likes vs. Dislikes

2010-02-21T16:04:00.000-08:00

I here list my current likes and dislikes.

Likes:

1 - Major League Baseball. I can't wait for it to start. I think this is the year my Braves return to glory.

2 - The fact that my brother Big Stew went on a date. But don't you dare ask him about it. If he wants you to know how it went, he'll tell you. If not, he won't, so mind your own dad-gum business.

3 - Payson Boys Basketball. My man, the Ry-Masta, led them to a sweet, sweet victory over the Mighty Dons on Friday (actually, I don't know if Ry-Masta had anything to do with it, but he was there so . . .). Next up, the Skyhawks.

4 - The fact that the Payson is going to have a temple. Sweet.

5 - The Olympic Games. I love it. I haven't really gotten into the winter olympics since '92 and oh how I've been missing out. My favorites thus far: Figure skating (those people are amazing), short track skating, S. White, Simon Ahmann, Miller and Vonn, and the U.S. Hockey team.

6 - McDonalds number four value menu without onions.

Dislikes:

1 - Trying to grow a beard (I actually gave up this morning since I disliked it so much).

2 - The University of Utah (this should be an accepted fact, but just in case you were wondering . . .).

3 - The fact that some people think that an increase in faith is all that is needed to achieve a desired outcome. For example, "Andrew, if you want to get married all you need is to have more faith and be more righteous." To which I respond, "So I guess slashing your tires since you're so ridiculous probably won't help my cause right." I'm sure Sheri Dew is just thinking, "Man, if I just had more faith I'm sure I'd be married right now."

. . . whoa, sorry for that outburst . . .

4 - The current political situation. And just so you know, I don't really blame the politicians (well, not completely). I blame those crazy talk show people, the special interests groups, the 24 hour news media, and ridiculous citizens who are have no idea what's going on but choose a position based solely on party affiliation.

. . . and that one . . .

5 - The fact that they still haven't put Lay-Z-Boys in the overflow of my church.

6 - Salem Hills High School (it's like my mentor Jake Ford said the other day, "Every time I walk in here I just feel sick inside." Amen).

7. The IRS.

And with that, welcome to a new week.

Die Ziele

2010-02-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

Before I begin, let’s just have a moment of silence for my brethren the Colts . . .

. . .

Okay, now let’s start for real. So, when I was a young high schooler I remember that my dream was to someday become a high school history teacher and a high school soccer coach. Seeing as I have reached that goal and am currently living the dream, some of you might think my life’s work is over. It is not, and after much thought and meditation, I have come up with the following list of things I want to achieve in life to ensure that my life does not become stagnant.

The Skinny Goals

1. Not lose all of my hair (Rogaine is working by the way, thank goodness).

2. Learn how to ride a horse (I’m scared to death of them though which presents a problem).

3. Go to Africa (the coolest people I met on my mission were Africans)

4. Go to the Oakland Temple (ain’t it puurty in the pictures).

5. Write a song (I’ll be honest, I think this is the least likely of all my goals, but I can dream right).

6. Learn how to play the bagpipes (my favorite part of Payson High School–the bagpipes)

7. Not just be a teacher but actually learn how to teach (easier said than done).

8. Beat up my brother J-Skee (we’ve had some close calls, but he always comes out winner somehow, but I’m catching up I think).

9. Go through a whole day of teaching without my voice cracking even once.

10. Watch the whole Star Trek series (no I haven’t started, but I will soon).

11. Learn how to cook at least one real meal (no really, I can’t . . . yet).

12. Live in England . . . again (it is the land of the angels after all, or is it anglos?)

13. Not hate people.

14. Write a book (I’ve started about five, one of these days I’ll get past page two).

15. Get a technical foul as a basketball coach (I’ve already gotten several as a player, but think how cool it would be to get one as a coach).

16. Learn how to speak Spanish and French (I used to be opposed to the Frenchies, but they’re sort of growing on me).

17. Beat my brother Big Stew at chess (actually, I think this is even less likely than five).

18. Find a way to never, ever have to iron again (besides just always wearing sweaters over my long sleeve shirts).

19. Learn how to do a backflip (I'm currently at a front hand-spring).

20. Publish my favorite people list.

And that’s all.

Das Spiel

2010-02-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

This last week I was once again reminded how much I don't understand the female gender. I mean, I'll be honest, I thought that after coaching girls for three years I was starting to be unconfusified, but no, I'm not. Just as confused as ever. And just so you know, this confusion has caused an inordinate amount of frustration the last couple of days.

In fact, last nite I got so frustrated concerning my confusification that I almost decided to have an "anti-female" week at school. However, I decided against that for two reasons. 1) I'm pretty sure my noble employer Nebo School District would probably fire me if I did that and 2) I'm not really "anti-female." It would probably be more accurate to say that I'm actually "anti-not understanding females" which is quite different altogether and that sentiment is way too long to have as a slogan.

So here I remain, but one of these days I'm going to figure it all out, I promise.

2010-01-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

A couple of things to note:

- My new goal in life: watch all the Star Trek movies. I'm determined. I can't be stopped. Trekkie marathons, here I come.

- The other day I ran two miles, it nearly killed me. The next day I did thirty pushups. That was even worse. The whole day I could barely write on the white board. No more physical exercise for me.

- You know, until I started coaching girls I never really realized how much girls cry. They don't whine nearly as much as guys, but they sure do cry a lot (which isn't a bad thing, it's just kind of overwhelming sometimes).

- Continuing the coaching note, I told a girl on the team that she had the same number as Larry Bird. Her response: "Who's that?"

- On another coaching note, I really, really want to a get a technical foul. I'm just not really sure how to go about it. Maybe I should pull a Coach Dale in "Hoosiers" or maybe I should just stand up when it's really quiet and start cursing up a storm . . . don't worry, I'll think of something.

- I went on a date last week. I have thus satisfied my quarterly quota. Please don't bug me about it again until April.

- I watched two fantastic movies this month, "Sabrina" (old and new version) and "The Magic of Ordinary Days." They both are so good. I would recommend them to all. A movie I wouldn't recommend though is "The Mayor of Casterbridge." It has to be one of the most depressing movies ever made.

- Little Chad was ordained a deacon today. If you see him walking around Salem Elementary be sure to give him a high five.

- Lately I've been missing Europe. Sometimes I really wonder why I was born in the North America. I swear deep down I'm European.

- Four years ago this week I skipped elders' quorum to watch the Colts play (in my defense I was in Brigham City where the elders' quorums are probably apostate anyway). Anyway, the Colts lost to the Steelers in one of the most depressing games I've ever watched. I learned my lesson. This week I stayed at church. Colts won. My testimony is strengthened. And I hope the Colts know they have me to thank.

- Now let's just hope for the Colts' sake that I can resist watching the Super Bowl.

- And finally, let me give you a quote. I never watch late nite shows, ever. However, I read this quote from Conan and I really liked it. Here it is: "All I ask is one thing, and I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, I'm telling you, amazing things will happen."

Good bye

Achtung, Achtung

2010-01-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

Some of you kids might wake up tomorrow morning and think to yourself, "I wonder what Mr. Wright's (a.k.a. Andrew T., Skinny, Squints, etc.) students think about him." Well, the opinions definitely span a wide range from "Mr. Wright's crazy" to "Mr. Wright is the most boring teacher in the world" to "Please, please, I'm going to stab myself in the neck if I have to go to Mr. Wright's class again".

However, I think the following exerpt will give you a little insight into the general mindset of those whom I bore to tears on a daily basis.

This was published, unbeknownst to me, in the December edition of our school newspaper.

A student (to remain unnamed) wrote: “I wish, I wish, with all my heart, for Mr. Wright to have a lady friend, in a land apart” (Dragon Tales). Tis the season to give the gift of happiness and love, and my gift for Mr. Wright is to find a woman whom he can love an cherish forever and ever and ever… hopefully this Christmas, my wish will be granted for this young man. Maybe someone can love him and his gorgeous green van enough. Go get ‘em Mr. Wright, you tiger you!"

Yes, this was published in the school newspaper and yes, I did fail said student because of it (although they do deserve credit for mentioning the sweet green minivan).

Thankfully, the following picture was NOT published:

Six Months

2009-12-27T19:09:00.000-08:00

Today is December 27, 2009. This means that my dad died exactly six months ago today. It was the first time in my life that somebody really close to me passed away. This is what I’ve experienced. - Everybody mourns differently.

- My worldview has changed completely. Nothing is quite the same anymore. Words have different meanings. Movies have different messages. And I feel different somehow.

- Sad stories are a little sadder. Painful stories are a little more painful. Everything is a little more poignant.

- I’m not as happy as I used to be, but I am more at peace. This fact has made me realize that true knowledge and understanding only come with a price I suppose.

- My parents’ house is still peaceful and beautiful. When my dad was sick I was afraid that it would turn into a depressing place. It hasn’t.

- I don’t regret things I could have/should have done differently with Dad. I’m only sad that he won’t be around in the future to see the things I accomplish.

- My mother is amazing. I do not understand her pain (to suddenly be without somebody you spent everyday with for 30 years is hard for me to comprehend), but she handles it brilliantly.

- I could not handle death without the Gospel. If my dad died and I didn’t believe in God, I would be devastated beyond repair.

- Looking back, I can’t understand why I wasn’t happier when he was around. After all, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to see him now.

- I think there have been other trials in my life that have been just as painful in that moment. The thing with death is that you can’t fix it. If you lose your job or get fired, you can go look for another. If you go bankrupt, you can start making money again. If you get your heart broken you can start looking for somebody else. But death . . . there’s no getting around.

- The kindness that people showed my dad and my family was truly inspiring. People are good: from my students to people I had never met before to the ward members.

- “The aching may remain, but the breaking does not.”

- There are worse things than death.

- I have much more respect for those who have experienced this before I did. The way they handle it so gracefully helps me to also endure.

- My dad is here sometimes. . . somehow.

- I can't wait to see him again.

2009-12-17T21:15:00.001-08:00

A few things to note:

- I am tired. The last couple of days I’ve spent every free moment correcting my students’ research papers. Correcting papers is easily the worst part of teaching. No contest.

- The worst part of coaching? Ridiculous parents who think their child is God’s gift to athletics (which they obviously can’t be since I’m that). How otherwise respectable parents can be so obviously biased and not recognize it is beyond me. Maybe when I have my own kids I’ll understand, but until then I remain amazed.

- I still don’t like the snow.

- However, I do like potato chips, Welch’s grape juice, rice krispy treats, pickles, and Monday Nite Football.

- I also really like the song “Remember When” by Alan Jackson

- I know 2009 isn’t quite over yet, but I think I’m safe in saying this is definitely one of the hardest years of my life (and not just because the Yankees, the Lakers, and the Steelers all won their respective championships this season, although that definitely added to it). I’ll tell you, as far as pure difficulty goes, it’s right up there with ‘92-‘94 and ‘05. It’s sure been a doozy, I’ll tell you that right now (could someone please spell check “doozy” for me).

- I have a speaking part in the Goshen Ward Christmas sacrament meeting this Sunday. I’m pretty sure I’m going to dominate; I’ve been practicing all week (and I would just like to say right now that if my voice cracks I’m going inactive).

- This is a recent exchange in one of my classes.
Me: Class, do you like my sweater? I bought it for a dollar.
Student: Yeah, we can tell.

- I would also like you to know that I really like the song “Raining in Baltimore” by the Counting Crows. Fantastic.

- Have I mentioned that the heater doesn’t work in my sweet minivan? Yeah, it’s not quite as sweet anymore. But no, it is not for sale, so don’t even think about trying to buy it off me. NOT FOR SALE.

- Finally, let me end on a positive note. I would just like to you to know that I won a basketball three point contest the other day (yes, it was with a bunch of sophomore girls whom I coach, but I still won and that’s all that matters).

2009-12-14T17:19:00.000-08:00

I do not like the snow or the cold or the ice or the more coldness. In fact, I can’t think of anything good that comes with snow. Nothing. However, as you know, my sister K-Dawg will not allow me to complain too much, so I’m going to write about the one good thing that does come this time of year: Christmas.

What I Like About Christmas

- The fact that I get to watch the Muppets Christmas Carol and It’s A Wonderful Life (I used to hate this movie by the way). I mean, I obviously can watch them anytime, but it’s just better when it’s the actual season.

- Making fun of people with icicle lights on their house (which includes my mother's home).

- All the good food.

- Christmas Presents. Some people will try and tell you they would rather give than receive. Not me. I mean, giving’s okay, but come on, does anything is this world beat waking up Christmas morning and opening presents.

- Christmas music. I should clarify this “Christmas Music”. I actually really dislike that pop Christmas music nonsense (hurts my ears that stuff). But give me some nice Christmas songs sung but a respectable choir and I won’t complain.

- College and professional football. I know it doesn’t actually have anything to do with Christmas, but it is at the same time and I love it.

- The Christmas Spirit. People always complain about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’m not one of those people. I think, compared to the rest of the year, people are still a lot more caring and considerate (even if they are a little bit obsessed with getting the best deal).

- The Hansen Christmas Party. I still love going to Grandma's house.

- Our family Christmas party. I generally don’t hate my family.

- The First Presidency Christmas Devotional. (Although this year I was sitting watching with a bunch of people who would not stop talking. I wanted to knock them all out, but I wasn’t too sure that would be the most effective way of paying better attention to the speakers).

- That fact that it means the semester is almost over.

- Charlie Brown's Christmas.

And that will do for now I think. Actually, let me show you some pictures.

This is me being crowned Mr. Mistletoe in high school at our Christmas Dance. I dislike dances about as much as I dislike snow.

This is me and big Stew. From the looks of things, I think we hated the snow even then, especially big Stew

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

Note: I writed this on Tuesday. If I had writed it today, my Cougs definitely would've been on there . . .

Here I am coming home from Lehi on a Nebo School District bus just enjoying a little Mormon Tabernacle Choir as I write this here note/web log entry. Our teams lost today. But that’s okay. They played hard and I didn’t feel like a complete idiot as a coach (which is kind of what I expected to feel like).

This week, as you may or may not know (you British people might be unaware at least), is Thanksgiving. I really, really like Thanksgiving; it’s easily my third favorite holiday behind my birthday and Christmas. Anyway, since it be Thanksgiving, I’ve decided to write about what I’m thankful for. My Mormonite leaders are always telling me to be more thankful so today I’m going to make an attempt. I hope you don’t mind.

My List of Thanks

- I’m grateful for my job. I realize I’m an average teacher and probably slightly below average coach, but when all is said and done, I love going to work and I don’t think I can ask for more than that. Plus, any job is a blessing in these times right.

- I’m thankful for Autumn. Summer’s too hot, winter’s too cold, and spring has too many allergens. Fall is perfect.

- I’m thankful for good movies. I added several to my list last week: Blindside, Night Crossing, and Sabrina (the old school version)

- I’m thankful for my mission. Nothing has affected me so deeply and so strongly. I will never be the same because of it and I would give anything to go back.

- I’m thankful for my brothers and sisters. As far as siblings go they ain’t half bad. And I guess my brothers and sisters in law are bearable as well.

- I’m thankful for sports. For one thing, they’re the reason I have a job. For another, they’re kind of enjoyable to watch/play. And I’m really thankful for Monday Nite Football. It provides one time per week that I can watch the NFL without feeling guilty.

- I’m thankful for Mormonite stuff.

- I’m thankful for sleep. It’s what I look forward to every day.

- I’m thankful for my A3 class. It’s the other thing I look forward to each day. They’re pretty dad-gum rad, even if a couple of them are obsessed with George Strait.

- I’m thankful for Christmas. Can you imagine how depressing winter would be without the Christmas season.

- I’m thankful for beautiful music. Right now I’m listening to “My Shepherd Will Supply” by the Mormon Choir. It definitely qualifies.

- I’m thankful for General Conference. It is quite possibly the only thing I look forward to more than Christmas.

- I’m thankful for my books. I don’t read enough. I need to read more. Any good book suggestions? (and if you suggest a book and it’s not good, I will rip all your toenails off, so beware)

- I’m thankful for great people who do great things. Like I said, this week I watched a movie called Night Crossing. How people ever get the courage to do such amazing things I will never know.

- I’m grateful for true friends. I don’t know that I have very many, but I couldn’t live without the ones that I do have.

- I’m thankful for all of my sweaters. I’m kind of the sweater king around these parts and I find that pretty cool.

- I’m thankful for the dinner that comes at the end of Fast Sunday.

- I’m thankful for my fantastic stake president Chad the Rowley and the fantastic stake president I had before him President Roy Silcox.

- I’m thankful for my missionary trainer Elder Stuart Russell. He was an amazing missionary.

- I’m thankful for heaters in automobiles.

- And last but not least, I’m thankful for my amazing mother and my great father. May God bless them both.

P.S. I’m thankful for a lot of other stuff too, but this is what came to mind.

Lists and More Lists

2009-11-01T20:15:00.001-08:00

I kind of get excited for these posts where I don’t really know what I’m going to type. I just kind of start typing and see where it takes me. I’m always hoping that maybe something profound will present itself (of course that never actually happens, but it’s worth hoping right).

So, I have a couple of things to note.

One: Today is the ninth anniversary since the day I entered the empty sea. That’s right, on Nov 1, 2000 I left my beautiful Salem and journeyed to the faraway Provo. It was the start of some kind of crazy two years I can tell you. The four most depressing days on my mission were:
- The second day being in Switzerland. I was cold, tired, and we didn’t have one appointment all day (in fact, we didn’t have an appointment until I had been in the field five days).
- The day my sister got married (Have I forgiven my sister for getting married when I was on my mission yet? No)
- The day I found out my kicking coach died.
- The day I went home

Two: As I’ve said before, October is a great sports month. You’ve got the World Series, football, and the NBA starting so I think I’m going to list my five greatest sports memories of all time (in no particular order)
- UCLA beating Missouri in the NCAA basketball tournament in 1995. Edney drove the lane with four seconds and made a sweet layup. It was awesome.
- Me scoring a goal against Timpview my senior year. First time I had ever scored, first time we had ever beat Timpview (too bad I didn’t get my first kiss after the game, that would have completed it)
- Me pitching the winning game of the UBBA tournament in seventh grade. We beat the White Sox, I only gave up three runs.
- The Braves winning the World Series in 1995. I love Greg Maddux.
- The Spurs winning the NBA championship in 2003. I love David Robinson.

Three: The other day I went to visit my friend. She had just started to date this bloke and was wondering about what things should be deal breakers in a relationship (you know, we’re supposed to put up with imperfections, but some things just break the deal right there). Here are some of my deal breakers for any future prospect:
- She can’t accept my obsession with sports.
- She doesn’t get along with her parents.
- She’s not comfortable with silence.
- She doesn’t like the movie Shadowlands.
- She supports the University of Utah (really)

Four: This brings me to another topic, which is: what are the best chick flicks I’ve ever seen. This topic came to my attention the other day when I watched the movie Emma. I really, really liked it and have thus compiled my list. It is as follows (again in no particular order):
- Beauty and the Beast
- Emma
- Runaway Bride
- The Shop Around the Corner
- Becoming Jane
- Shadowlands
- The Lake House
- Wives and Daughters
- Casablanca

Five: Well, for this one I was going to put my list of favorite Apostles but I wasn’t really sure that was appropriate. So instead, I’ve decided to list the favorite books I’ve ever read (all scriptural texts excepted of course). This list is off the top of my head, so I might be forgetting some, but this will do for now.
- David Copperfield
- The Chosen
- The Hiding Place
- The Last Battle (C.S. Lewis)
- Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites
- A Passage to India
- Dracula

And that's all

2009-10-19T21:03:00.001-07:00

Before I begin, let me just say this specific entry was inspired by a Ms. Catherine Curtis, one of the most fascinating people I know. It, of course, does not compare to her manifesto, but hopefully has some merit of its own. Understand also that it is a quest of a lifetime to align my beliefs with my actions. I’m trying.

I BELIEVE . . .

- in never giving up on something or someone you believe in . . . ever.

- in living after you die.

- in teenagers. I’m humbled and blessed to be able to work with them everyday. They teach me more than I could ever teach them.

- that the great ones of the past look down on us.

- in trying to do better.

- in looking for the best in people, especially what they themselves have overlooked.

- in our National Pastime.

- in endlessly and persistently acquiring knowledge.

- in beautiful music. My current favorites: Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony, “Homeward Bound,” and “I Love the Lord.”

- in the power of poetry. I read some Langston Hughes poems yesterday. Good.

- in giving the people the benefit of the doubt and trusting them even if they occasionally don’t deserve it.

- in cultivating language.

- in the grace of a loving God.

- in reading. I’m currently reading the Chronicles of Prydain. Very good.

- in not being critical (that’s one I’m definitely still working on that one).

- in watching, and listening, and observing.

- in silence. If there’s one thing that I do worry about with the rising generation, it’s that they don’t know how to handle stillness. They always have someone to text or something to listen to, which is, I think, to their detriment.

- in taking time to think.

- that you get out what you put in.

- in my amazing mother and my not too distant father.

- that there are indeed prophets in the land.

- in nature. I’m convinced that sunsets, mountains, lakes, and rivers are indeed God’s artwork.

- in the Beautiful Game.

- that people and their needs should always take precedence over things.

- that zufall gibt es nicht.

- in taking the road less traveled.

Why I'm Not Complaining

2009-10-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

Well hello there. I’m sitting here at the computer wondering what I’m going to do tonite. I don’t have any games to coach, there are no football games on, no baseball games on, and basketball is only in the preseason (whoever watches preseason games has serious problems). So since I ain’t got nothing to do, I figure I’ll do a little bit of literary pondering.

First off, I’d like to refer back to my goal made in January that I would average asking at least one girl on a date per month. I’m happy to report that I have in fact asked a girl out 14 times this year (meaning I won’t have to ask again this year and I’m still good and yes, I do keep track). However, since my sister Karen won’t let me complain anymore, I’m not going to tell you how many have actually said yes, but just know that it is below 25 percent (and I haven’t been on one second date, which means even the few that did say “yes” were what my students would call “pity dates”).

But I’m not going to complain, and here’s why:

1. I got the Final Jeopardy question right the other day. How amazing is that. I can almost guarantee you’ve never done that before.
2. I just got a haircut from my mother and it looks pretty dad-gum good if I do say so myself.
3. My girl’s soccer team scored more region goals this year than they have in the last four years combined.
4. My Colts are 5-0, my Cougs are 4-1, and my Spurs acquired Richard Jefferson in the off-season.
5. My mom is at this very moment making me dinner.
6. I drive the sweetest car in the valley.
7. I am acquainted with the residents of Chatsworth Four (I’m actually not sure if that’s how you spell it though).
8. For lunch today I ate raw cookie dough and had a soda.
9. I don’t do drugs.
10. I can tell you my eleven times tables up to 100 without a calculator.
11. My favorite people list is constantly getting larger. In fact, I have met several people these last couple months who are definitely making their way to those most coveted “Top Ten” spots. I, of course, can’t say who’s on it, but you might be (by the way, I found my favorite people list from high school the other day. Very interesting because back then I actually did write down who was on the list).
12. My brother Big Stew is still shorter than I am.
13. I’m a Moroni (you know, Mormon’s an amazing man, but I connect just a little bit better with Moroni).
14. We just had General Conference (I call that Elder Holland is my missionary companion in the Spirit World, just saying).
15. I have a job (and not only do I have a job, but it’s a pretty spectacular job at that, even if the Ry-Masta and Squanto are no longer in any of my classes and my TA’s are ridiculous).
16. I ran a bleacher mile yesterday without having to throw-up, which is pretty good.

And there you have it. Who can complain about not getting a date when I’ve got all that going for me you know.

Ward Prayerification

2009-09-27T21:16:00.001-07:00

Here I am at these girls’ apartment over at the B.Y. We just got back from ward prayer. After having just spent several months in my Santaquin singles branch I was astounded at how many single people there are still in the world. Since there are only 40 people in my ward on any given Sunday I was starting to believe that the amount of single people was diminishing. But thankfully, such is not the case here in the Provo. I think that means there is still hope (although, let’s be honest, I was here for seven years and nothing ever came of that, so maybe it’s a false hope, who knows).

So I’d just like to say that I love to teach school. It’s the one place currently where I feel totally carefree and relaxed. I figure whenever your place of employ is your most relaxing place, it’s got to be a pretty good job.

I’d just like you to know that I officially don’t believe in dinosaurs anymore. Really, I’ve tried to reconcile how they could’ve existed with the whole Adam and Eve business and I just can’t figure out where they come in. So . . . I don’t believe in them and until I get a clear explanation my mind is set.

Going back to my first paragraph and my attendance at ward prayer, I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost my game. I mean, I realize that I’m still not married so I obviously have never had too much game, but back in my younger years, I would at least try to talk to girls I was attracted to. You know, I would go to these social outings and scope out the scene. Then I would find somebody I wanted to talk to and make up my plan of action. Tonite at ward prayer there was absolutely no game planning on my part. I mean, I did scope out the scene a little bit, but then I just sat back down on the steps and waited for the meeting to end and. Then I left. Pathetic huh?

It’s 10:12 p.m. I need to go to bed. Good nite.

Saved by the Bell

2009-08-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello, hello. Thank goodness school is finally back in session. I was going a little bit crazy there for a while. I believe I was officially bored out of my mind on the 19th of July at approximately 3:34.56 p.m. Nothing like Payson High School to bring back a little sanity to life. I have the following items to note.

- This year, along with the regular coaching duties, I’m teaching 2 U.S. History classes, 2 Government classes, and 2 German classes. Government is easily my least favorite class to teach (especially without Ry-Masta there), but I do a tolerable job most days. My largest class has approximately 43 students (U.S. Studies) and my smallest has about 25 (German 1).

- Speaking of teaching, I teach Sunday School in my branch. One day a girl in my class (who had also been in my history class a couple years back) came up to me and said, “Your Sunday School class is a lot more enjoyable than your history class.” At first I was flattered, but then I really though about what she said . . .

- A student told me the other day that they had the same shoes as me. There were two problems with that. One, that student was a female (I do my best to not wear female apparel), Two, that student was a cheerleader. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear those shoes again.

- I’ve decided one of the main reasons I need a girlfriend is so that I’ll have someone to vent to when my team loses a soccer game. Currently I just go home and stew over the game all weekend until the next game. All the frustration just boils inside of me and I swear one of these days I’m just going to blow a fuse and rip apart my house or my van or my brother or something. Course, maybe that whole venting thing is the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend.

- I need a haircut.

- I would just like to clarify that although I hate Timpview/Salem Hills High that does not necessarily mean I hate all the people that went/go there. I mean think about it, I hate Hell, but I’m sure I don’t hate all the people that are there. There are probably several fairly respectable people there.

- I’m not going to church anymore until those Mormons get softer chairs for the overflow. I can’t handle it anymore.

- Can you believe it, my dance director had me teach some dances yesterday at a dance workshop (course, it can hardly be called a workshop if I’m teaching at it, but whatever). Who would’ve ever thought a day would come where Andrew the T. Wright would teach someone else how to dance. Unbelievable (and yes, you should be feeling sorry for those people right now).

Until next week.

- Oh wait, one more thing, can I just reiterate, I don’t go on blind dates so don’t even think about asking.

Salem vs. Goshen

2009-08-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, so before I actually begin what I want to say I have to things that I need to say. To whit:

1)I can’t believe Wendy’s raised their prices. As a stockholder and Baconator lover, I’m outraged.
2)Quote of the century (provided by a teacher I don’t know): “I’ve learned over the years that the teachers who complain the most about being underpaid, usually are.” How true that is.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s move on to importanter things. Last week was Salem Days. I love Salem Days. Love them. This got me thinking about how much I appreciate this great city of Salem Utah, the City of Peace. As I was thinking about Salem goodness, I suddenly realized I had quite the dilemma: which thriving metropolis is better, Salem or the Goshen?

I thought about it for hours and hours and simply cannot come zurecht (I can’t decide). I mean, they’re both so fantastic. Thusly, in an effort to help myself make up my mind, I’ve decided to list five pros and cons for each city and then maybe I’ll have a better idea of where I stand. So, here goes.

SALEM

Pros

- Every six years they celebrate my birthday with a fireworks display (this year being one of those years by the way). How can I not approve of such goodness.
- Jerry’s Dairy/Burger Barn. I know it no longer exists, but the fact that it ever existed still touches my heart (even if it did stink over in the milk section).
- Salem Elementary. I’m quite convinced that Salem Superstars (especially the singers) will someday rule the world with Mr. Dudley as King.
- The Salem Pond Bridge of Love. If you’ve never been on it, you haven’t lived. Go walk on it. Right now. You’ll feel the love, I promise.
- The old ball park. I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of my childhood on those fields.

Cons

- Woodland Hills. If that place (unaffectionately known as Little California) never existed, I think this world would be a better place.
- The fact that we have approximately 79.3 cops for a town with approximately 1345.5 citizens. I swear we don’t need that many cops. I don’t think Goshen even has one policeman (which is ironic considering con number four on Goshe).
- Salem Hill High School. I’m sorry, I try to like that place, but I just can’t. Every time I see that school I think of Timpview (they’re very similar in attitude) and every time I think about Timpview I want to throw up.
- The recent corporate invasion (which all started when Fast Gas decided to expand . . . sad). Now I realize cities must expand, but it’s still depressing.
- There are very few vacant lots these days with ditches where I can go and catch snakes if I get bored.

GOSHEN

Pros

- No cell phone reception.
- There hasn’t been a corporate invasion. In fact, if anything, there’s been a corporate evacuation (if you can call those abandoned stores on Main Street “corporate” which is highly questionable).
- Its close proximity to the Abandoned Train Tunnel and other tourist attractions.
- Goshen old timers. I used to think Salem and Spanish Fork were hick towns. Not even close. But I’m pretty sure you won’t meet better or more genuine people in the whole world.
- The vending machines on Main Street

Cons

- The Goshen Trailer Park
- My front room carpet.
- The Goshen gas station. I still haven’t been inside. I don’t think I can ever go inside. I just know I’ll get shot or maimed or abducted or hung . . . or something.
- A state judge once said, “Goshen is where people go to escape the law.” Why didn’t my realtor tell me that I’d like to know.
- The fact that I have to use a propane tank. What is this, the stone ages? Where’s my natural gas? Seriously.

Anyway, I still haven’t come to any set conclusions, but I’ll keep pondering. Oh, and if you were wondering, Exeter England is better than both of them.

Abandoned Train Tunnels

2009-07-30T18:07:00.001-07:00

I found out the other day that it is no longer “cool” to drag Main Street in Spanish Fork on a Friday or Saturday night. How sad is that. Teenagers these days, I tell you . . .

The other day I was in an airport and some old Asian dude asked me to help him figure out how to read a text message on his cell-pone. Can you believe that? I’ve maybe opened five texts total in the last seven years and here was somebody asking for my expertise? Don’t worry, we did eventually figure it out with some deliberation.

Did I tell you that the car I rented in the Germany had automatic windshield wipers? Cool huh. It starts raining they just turn on, it stops, they just stop. It was awesome. That has to be one of the coolest inventions of all time, probably right below indoor plumbing and right above Velcro.

I love salt water taffy. If you ever want something from me or need to bribe me, salt water raffy is the way to go (just so you know).

Actually, another way to get on my good side is to find me some pumpkin soup (kurbisuppe). They had it in all the grocery stores in Switzerland and it was so good. I miss it.

I found someone else who shares my love of minivans. In fact, before he knew I had a minivan, he told me he wanted to sell his Subaru Outback in order to buy a minivan. Great minds think alike, that’s all I have to say.

At my ward talent show on Friday I’ve decided to do a little bit of clogging and Legenyes for all those young single adults out there in the Santaquin. Funny thing, dancing isn’t even one of my talents. It’s more like an anti-talent. So if anybody comes up and congratulates me after, I’ll know they’re either lying or they have no rhythm just like me.

Interesting how, when you really like a girl (or guy for that matter) the second she enters the room you lose complete focus on everything else. Wierd how that happens right. Someone’s talking to you and suddenly you only hear random words every other sentence that make no sense whatsoever. I wonder if that’s how it feels to be ADD.

Last nite me and some of my associates had a redneck drive-in in an old abandoned train tunnel. It was one of the highlites of my life. If you want to come next time, let me know (unless I don't like you, then don't worry about it).

Doener Kebap weish

2009-07-23T14:04:00.001-07:00

The other day I went to Europe for a couple of weeks with this dance group I’m in. It was pretty fantastic. There are a couple of items to note:

- Europeans have absolutely no customer service skills. None. “Hello, I’m from Europe and I refuse to smile or be helpful in anyway. Next please.” And, to all of my European friends out there, no, I will not take it back.
- This is a plea to any Turkish person who might be reading this (and yes, to those who are wondering, tons of Turkish people read this). Please, please, please bring that goodness known as a Doener Kebap to these blessed United States. My life is incomplete without them.
- Swiss German is undoubtedly the language spoken in heaven. However, if anybody ever offers to sing you a song in Swiss German, put your hands over your ears and run away as fast as possible. It’s really very painful. If ugly has a sound, that’s it.
- Germans really do drink a lot of beer (I don’t though, if you were wondering).
- Near our hotel in Croatia there was a river where the local restaurant occasionally dumped their garbage. The cool thing is, our group went swimming in that same river. Awesome.
- My favorite part of any tour is that moment when everybody starts to get frustrated with each other. Anybody who’s ever been on a group tour knows what I’m talking about. Everybody’s all excited at first, but somewhere down the line something happens and everybody’s patience just runs out (it’s especially cool if it happens on a bus ‘cause then nobody can leave). I love it. I just sit and enjoy all the awkward tension as I eat my gummi bears.
- After much thought and contemplation, I do believe after this tour that the “worst dancer in the world” award has in fact been taken from me. I held it a solid two years, but I think I do finally need to relinquish my crown. Sad.
- I saw the new Harry Potter movie. Loved it. In fact, I plan on going at least eight more times, maybe nine. (That actually doesn’t have anything to do with my trip to Europe, but there you go).

And that’s all.

A Hero Returns

2009-06-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Chadwin Spencer Wright (1942-2009) beloved brother, father, grandfather, and husband passed away at his house in Salem Utah on June 27th after a courageous two-year battle with cancer. A great friend, mentor, teacher, and example, he will be missed by all who know him. However, he was assuredly welcomed with open arms as he passed to the other side. He will be remembered for his kindness, his gospel knowledge, and his sense of humor, all of which he kept even until the very end. Chad graduated from Granite High School, served an LDS mission in Bristol England, and received degrees from BYU and Exeter University. He was married to Daunis Hansen on August 6th, 1975 in the Salt Lake Temple. He worked for the Church Educational System for 32 years in many different capacities, but most enjoyed his daily interactions with his students. As a valiant member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints he served in many callings including home teacher, high councilman, Sunday school teacher, and bishop. He is survived by 11 siblings, nine children, 13 grandchildren and his wife Daunis. He was preceded in death by his parents and three brothers. His viewing will be held Tuesday night from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at the Walker Mortuary in Spanish Fork. His funeral will be held Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. at the Salem West Stake Center (695 South 300 West, Salem)

A Poem by Steven Boothe

In loving memory of Chadwin S. Wright

Today I want to celebrate the life that I have lived.

I have loved greatly, I have lived fully, given all I had to give.

My heart is full of gladness, a great peace fills my soul.

I've walked the walk, I've talked the talk, God's will I've come to know.

God bless my sons and daughters and all the friends I have known

God bless my wife and grandkids with a peace beyond their own.

And may the love of God sink deep within their hearts.

And may this peace and joy grow while we're apart.

A simple smile, a loving touch, your caring freely given

Has warmed my heart and touched my soul, it's made life a bit of heaven.
You've brought great joy and humble pride, there's so much good in you.

The life you've lived, who you've become, God's peace lives on in you.

So lay me down, as all must die, just part of Father's plan,

As Jesus broke the bands of death, blessed Jesus understands

That God's great Plan of Happiness was made for you and me,

As he lives now, together will our family live for eternity.

Don't worry, I know it seems I've left some things undone,

But life's race goes not to the swift, only to he who runs until it's done.

I've run the race, I've fought the fight, I've endured unto the end

And now I enter into the rest of my true and trusted friend.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, my Savior, Lord , and King

Has brought me peace and happiness and takes away death's sting.

Skies of Azure

2009-06-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

I think today I’ll go back to the listifying. Life just seems so much easier to document in lists.

- So today I found my planner/journal from my senior year of high school (class of 99 by the way). As I looked through it, the three things that surprised me the most were:
- That I actually understood Calculus once upon a time
- How much I obsessed over girls and my interactions with them (you might think I bad now, but I am NOTHING compared to how I was in high school, ask Stephen E. Frandsen if you don’t believe me).
- How much I despised cheerleaders.

- Once upon a time I posted my rules for dating. It appears I forgot a rule. You see, recently I’ve heard through the grapevine that one of my former students would like to go on a date with me. Nothing against her, but there’s got to be some sort of grace period before a former student asks a teacher on a date right. What do you think: five years, ten years, 73 years?

- While I’m talking about past notes, I need to return to a note I once wrote about Belle. After I wrote said treatise, some of you questioned Belle’s modesty (the nerve). I’m here to defend her. You see, I believe in what’s called the Modesty Mulligan (look up Mulligan if you don’t know what it is). I mean come on, everybody has a moment of weakness when maybe they have a really attractive date or there’s a big dance and they might just slip a little. However, if their dress before and after is of good report and praiseworthy then they’re okay to be sought after in my book (so back off).

- Do you think high school students will ever realize that if they stop telling their classmates how gay and stupid those classmates are and how much they suck, that maybe they would all actually have some semblance of self-confidence? Probably not, but here’s hoping/.

- I’ve discovered I’m not supposed to covet. I guess that means I won’t be marrying Celine Dion after all. I guess it’s back to the drawing board.

- Ry-Masta (a.k.a. Techno Twin Extraordinaire), I’ve got to confess that as far as the ladies go, the still, small voice just ain’t cutting it (I must not be paying enough tithing or something). So here’s what I’m thinking: you drop by my singles ward and be my wing man (just get ready because my singles ward is a pretty crazy place). You know, maybe you could give me some tips or something. I’ve only got three years of the young single adult stuff left, I’ve got to get a move on.

- A former colleague recently wrote that my notes are always too pessimistic. As I thought about it I realized there’s something to be said about being steady. Better to be an even keel than topsy-turvy right? I mean with some people you never know what you’re going to get; the one day they’re on top of the world and then the next day they’re sure the world is going to end. Not with me, nope, a stead dose of reality. It’s like I always be saying: “Not only is the glass half-empty, but the milk’s probably sour as well.”

- While I’m at it, let me just honor my man Nathan Pacheco. Just three years ago he was a fellow ward member singing in sacrament meeting. Now he’s touring around the country performing with Yanni (I saw them on Wednesday in the ESA, it was cool). Talk about living your dreams.

- And speaking of dreams, I’ll have you know that on Saturday I did the polka down the middle of Redwood Road. It was definitely a dream come true.

Not A List

2009-06-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

Today I went to visit my friends and associates over at the B.Y. (you know, that place of higher [or lower] education where I spent seven years trying to get a bachelors degree). While there, amongst other things, I went to visit one of my old bosses: the venerable Casey C. Peterson (I also went to visit my other old boss J.B. Stohlton, but he was absent).

Let me give you a little background. You see, back in the day I used to serve on what was called the BYU Service Council. I was on said Service Council for two years and my second year the Casey Peterson took over as our bossman. (I should here note that unless people were watching we really didn’t do too much service I’m definitely a taker, not a giver*. We on the council mostly just ate free food and supervised the people who were doing all of the service.#)

Well, as I was saying, today I went and visited Coach Peterson. As we were discussing life over a lunch which he most generously bought for me (remember, free food) we started talking about the marriage rate of those who have served on the Service Council since he arrived.^

He said of all the Service Council members, (there have probably been about 40 since he started) only eight percent have gotten married. As I got to thinking, I realized that was quite an astounding statistic. Basically, if you serve on the BYU Service Council, you only have an eight percent chance of getting married.

Now Casey the Peterson blames this marital famine on me and Nathan Urry (a fellow council member). He claims that once we get married (not together obviously but to nice female companions respectively) then the floodgates will open and all the rest will follow suit.

Me, I have a different conclusion: if you want to get married, don’t volunteer to be on any type of service organization, it will only hold you back (statistics don’t lie after all). And that's all for today.

* Editor’s Note: A wise man once said there are two types of people in the world: the givers and the takers.

#Compiler’s Note: The best thing about being involved in any organization: free food.

^Administrator's Note: According to numerous unnamed sources, BYU has four purposes (in this order): 1) Get as many of its students married as possible 2) Upon graduation, find jobs for all those singles who aren’t married in a place where they will most likely get married 3) Convince all those who aren’t married, that they’d better get married as soon as possible. 4) Get an education

2009-06-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

The venerable ZQ requested that I not be recalcitrant in my writing ways even though summer has hit. I thusly attempt to comply.

- Me and fellow ward member Marshall the Bateman went on a Parade of Homes excursion yesterday. It was awesome. I’m officially addicted.

- The other day I was in Maceys and for about two solid minutes I couldn’t remember where the vinegar was. Can you believe that? I was/am so ashamed. There I was, grocery worker extraordinaire, and I couldn’t remember where to find something so routine as vinegar. How embarrassing.
- A couple of questions for my Mormonite associates:
1. Why does the relief society room always get the cushioned chairs? I find that very unfair.

and

2. When is the church going to get with it and start putting vending machines in the church buildings.

- This week (we be out of school) has taught me that the next time I have contract negotiations with my parents I need to have a “no manual labor” clause added. This working stuff really gets to me.

- Whoever came up with the layout for the stop signs in that quaint little village of Santaquin must have either been stoned or drunk or both. Absolutely ridiculous. Don’t ever drive there if you can avoid it.

- My dad and I are currently watching the Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. You know, I’m still surprised that Yoda isn’t quoted more in General Conference.

- I have a huge moral dilemma. It’s times like these that I miss the wisdom of my high school students. They always have such refreshing views on moral dilemmas (if they know what that means, which is doubtful).

Peace

2009-05-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

I ain’t written in a bit so I’d better be making up for that. Here are some items of note over the last couple of weeks.

- I went shopping at Smith’s the other day and I’ll tell you, it was absolutely ridiculous. Those people have no idea of how to put together a grocery store. Absolutely no order or sense in the way they’ve organized their product. Chaos. I’m never shopping there again.

- I’m currently in third period. This class is supposed to have 33 students. How many does it have today: Nine. You got to love the last week of school right.

- One thing I hate about growing up: adult conversations. Adults talk about the most boring things. I mean seriously, who really cares about the stock price of AIG or the latest prices on turnips. The scariest thing is, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to participate in and even promote such boringness. I’ve got to watch myself.

- Last week I drove up West Mountain in my sweet green minivan. I’ll tell you, that automobile has some serious off-road capabilities. I mean, I knew I could make it up, but I had no idea it would be that easy.

- Speaking of which, Squanto stole my sweet green minivan today. Can you believe that? I’m still in utter disbelief. Really. Any second now I’m going to collapse from shock that anybody would even think about stealing my most prized possession. If the Ry-Masta were here, I’d have him handle the situation, but alas, I’m left to my own devices. Ry-Masta, how am I going to survive without you controlling these people?

- This morning I told my first period class that I went on a date last weekend. The first two questions they asked: “Was it with a girl?” and “Was she related to you?” . . . Jerks.

And that’s all for now.

Questions and Concerns

2009-04-29T20:11:00.001-07:00

Well, first off, the home pictures are here. Relax. Just check the last post.

I just have a couple of comments and questions that need to be noted:

1. It’s true, tomorrow I’m going to ShopKo to buy some Rogaine. No, really, I am. (And Rogaine IS in the Microsoft dictionary, that means it must be legitimate).

2. I talked to a girl for a solid thirty minutes the other nite. I know you don’t believe me, but I did. So there.

3. What are “hops” actually. Beer commercials always talk about “hops.” What are they?

4. Speaking of which, last week at family home evening we talked about the funnest thing we’ve ever done and I’ll have you know, now that I’m a sophisticated and mature, the word, “d---s” didn’t even enter my mind. Even on April 20th.

5. It’s time for my annual comments on the NBA playoffs. Let it be known that the Spurs are still my team. However, since Brother Ginobili and the Spurs is gone, I’ll just be happy if the Cavs and the Lakers don’t win. And if the LeBrons play the Kobes, I’m pulling for the Kobes (didn’t think I’d ever say or write that, but there you have it).

6. I’m no longer as upset as I was two weeks ago.

7. I have another thing to add to my Celestial food menu. Kebabs and Crème Soda are already on it. Rice Krispy treats need to be added.

8. Do you think Zac Efron can actually play basketball (Efron is NOT in Microsoft dictionary, which probably means he’s not legitimate).

9. One problem with ranting and raving on Facebook/my web log, you never really know who might come across it. This whole universal access thing has made me censor some things that I definitely would have included in the old email format (for those of you who don‘t know, this randomness used to be sent out in periodic emails, sorry you missed out).

10. I still plan on marrying Celine Dion when I grow up, in case you were wondering.

And that’s all

The Teach

My Home

2009-04-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here are some pictures of my life in one of the sweetest towns of all time: Goshen, Utah.

This is where I live (I know, I know, I should really cut those branches, but the whole yard-taking-care-of side of me hasn't quite developed yet).

This is not where I live.

This be the carpet in the front room. When I first saw it I wanted to throw up. I didn't, but I'm thinking I probably should have because it could've only helped. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

This be the front room itself.

This is my pool table. It's crooked and I haven't yet won a game on it, but it's not bad.

This is my kitchen. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it, but I do have one.

This is a toilet paper dispenser with a radio on it. Both upstairs bathrooms have one. Serious.

This is the nearest (and only) gas station. Yep, one pump and bars on the only window. That's never a good sign. I still haven't entered that place since I'm pretty sure there are dead bodies somewhere underneath the floorboards.

These are the random drink machines on Main Street. And look, you can even have ice with your drink. How rad is that?

This is town hall. No really, the whole building looks just like this. I don't think there are any windows.

This is where I go to church (the Santaquin Singles Branch building) . . .

. . . and here (my Goshen Ward) . . .

. . . and here.

So there you have it.

Today

2009-04-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

I’m upset . . . so I’m going to write. I think it’s good to write when I’m upset, that way I don’t throw anything unnecessarily or break any breakable (or unbreakable) objects (which often happens when I get upset in situations when I can’t write).

Did I mention that I’m upset? I am. My soccer team lost. That’s why I’m upset.

Problem is, I really don’t have anything to write about. I’m currently at the B.Y.U. Some of my associates are studying furiously for their finals, which is good I suppose. I don’t know, I never really studied during finals week, I was too burned out by that point (which is funny that I was burned out, since I never studied during the semester that much either).

I like being back at the B.Y. It’s a good place. It’s only when I come back that I realize how different my former world is from my present one. In case you were wondering, Paysonian High School and Brigham Young University are in fact different . . .

. . . this REALLY attractive girl just sat down across from me, but she’s with her boyfriend so . . . or maybe it’s her brother because she’s way out of his (and my) league . . .

Speaking of attractive girls, I was at our branch family home evening last nite and this girl that is definitely not unattractive left early. I couldn’t believe it; totally uncalled for. How can you get a fellow’s hopes up like that and then just leave? Let that be a lesson to all you nice ladies our there: either you don’t show up or you stay the whole time. None of this show up and then leave early business because that’s just not fair.

A nice person is cleaning all the computers here. Nice huh.

Continuing on this attractive ladies tangent, after FHE last nite I watched Twilight. I’ve said this before, but Alice (one of the vampires) has THE coolest hair. AND she knows how to pitch. You really can’t go wrong with that combination.

How did we lose today? I’m so upset. This writing isn’t helping at all. I’m still mad. We shouldn’t have lost today.

. . . now the attractive girl is scratching the brother/boyfriend’s back. Oh she stopped already, has to be a brother with that short of a back-scratch. Or maybe they’re just friends. Maybe I’ll ask them . . .

. . . pause . . .

I just took that little break to write an email to one of my favorite people in the whole world Ashlee the Geekins. Which brings me to my favorite people list. Most of you know that I have a favorite people list, but my question is whether it’s moral . . .

. . . study partners, they’re just study partners, I can tell . . .

. . . to have a favorite people list. I mean, really, in the end it seems kind of against Mormonite teachings to have a list of favorites don’t you think. Aren’t we supposed to like everybody the same? Well, I still have the list, but I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I’ll just put everybody on my “Not Favorite People List” that way they’ll all be the same.

. . . dang it, she’s got a wedding ring . . .

I’m so upset.

My Sweet Job

2009-04-12T16:05:00.001-07:00

Teachifying is, in my most humble opinion, a fantastic job, one of the best in fact (definitely not for everybody though, especially if you don‘t like people). Not only do I get to be a teacher, but I get to teach at one of the greatest high schools of all time: Payson High School, Home of the Mighty Lions (yes, yes, it is true, there were my arch enemy when I was in high school., but I’ve since repented).

So, as I was thinking about my sweet job, I decided to make a list of the top ten things that I like about my job at the Paysonian High School:

1. My principal, the Mr. Peery. He’s amazing. If you ever get a chance to meet him, tell him “hello.” I’m pretty sure he doesn‘t have any shortcomings (except that he speaks French).

2. Assemblies. Right now I’m sitting in a lip sync assembly. Interesting. The techno-twins just went. High school students can be, when given creative freedom, very interesting to say the least. I’m now suffering through an encore of the Techno-twins. Will this torture never end?

3. School lunch. Seriously, where can you get such a fantastically, healthy, tasty meal for just $2.75 (besides the closest senior center of course).

4. The weight room. I’ve actually never used it (I don’t really need it obviously), but how sweet is it that I have open access to a weight room. Shoot, who needs a gym pass.

5. Students who don’t complain or constantly make excuses. I think I found three so far, but I’m thinking there’s probably another one somewhere. I’m still looking.

6. My 2B and 1A classes. Word Ry-Masta and Squanto. (I should here note that all classes are not created equal by the way. For example, some classes, every time they enter, I just want to hide).

7. Mike the Janitor. He owns a Harley Davidson and rides with a whole group of bikers. He invited me to go with his motorcycle pack on a drive through Zions this week. I'm seriously considering it (if I can get over my fear of motorcycles, snowmobiles, four-wheelers, etc.)

8. All of the counselors/secretaries. One of the secretaries told me she had a dream that she needs to set me up with someone. Another said that she has a goal of setting me up on at least four dates before the end of the year. And that was just last week.

And those are just some of the reasons why I have the sweetest job in the world.

The Standard Works of Movies

2009-03-31T18:44:00.001-07:00

Today I’ve decided to compile a list of some of my favorite movies (I‘m thinking “The Standard Works of Movies” would probably be a good title). I can tell you right now that the Ry Masta is going to agree with every choice here (although I‘m not really sure he even knows what a musical is).

Of course, some of you are out there wondering what makes a good movie. Well, educated people are all into how good the acting, screenwriting, and cinematography are. However, I don’t care too much about that stuff (a little, but not too much). As long as the acting’s not too bad and the scenery doesn’t look too fake, I’m alright. What I care about is the overall story, the message, and how the writer presents that message. That’s all I care about really. Give me horrible scriptwriting and a great message over a well-made immoral movie any day.

Disclaimer: As to what type of movies I am selecting from, I should here note that my mother doesn’t let me watch “R” rated movies. Nor do I watch comedies (generally a little too crude for my innocent ears) or too many PG-13 chick flicks (again, I’ve got to take care of my innocent ears and eyes) although, as you will see, chick flicks in general are definitely not off limits.

Without further ado then, I will tell you the genres (which I came up with off the top of my head) and my favorite movie therein.

Best Sports Movie: This is a tough call. Some sports fans out there (with sand for brains, mind you) are going to mention such movies as Remember the Titans or Miracle or Coach Carter or other such nonsense. But realistically this here is a two horse race. When it comes down to it, it’s either Hoosiers or Chariots of Fire. No other sports movies even come close (well, maybe Rudy). Me, in the end, I’m going to have to go with Chariots of Fire mostly because I think the message is a little more powerful, but Hoosiers definitely comes in as a strong 2nd.

Best Movie Series (remember, I made these genres up so no complaining). Now this was a tough choice, and I mean tough. I mean honestly, so many choices. However, in the end, by a whisker the choice has to be the Harry Potter series. Of course, I know I’m going to get a lot of complaints about this, but quite frankly, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean the movie’s got a great message, a great story, and all those awesome British actors (think how much funnier movies would be if Hollywood would have been in England instead of California). Not only that, but eventually there are going to be eight of them. Pure heaven.

Best Action Movie: Bourne Identity. This whole series is pretty amazing so this pick is mostly just trying to ease Matt Damon’s feelings since I didn’t pick him and the Bourne Series for Best Series. Sorry Matt no hard feelings right.

Best Chick Flick: Today I asked my classes for help with this. Their answers were pathetic so I’m still deciding. I’ll get back to you when I come up with one.

Best Musical: My Fair Lady. Easy choice here. Every interaction I had with those of the female gender in high school was based off of Henry Higgins’ interactions with Eliza. It obviously didn't serve me too well, but what can you do.

Best Animated Film: Beauty and the Beast. I have three reasons for choosing this: 1) Belle is the prettiest Disney princess ever (and don‘t even try to argue because you‘ll be wrong), 2) Belle is always modestly dressed (that’s right, I’m talking to you Jasmine and Arielle), and 3) Belle falls in love with a beast, that gives ugly people like me and my brother Big Stew hope.

Best M Night Shayamalan Film: Signs. I’m pretty sure Brother Shayamalan read D&C 122:7 and then sat down and made this movie. No joke.

Best Thinking Film (by “thinking film” I mean one of those slower films that‘s usually pretty sad, but thought provoking): Shadowlands is the clear cut winner here. Dead Poets Society comes in a close second, but nothing beats my man Clive Staples (Editor’s Note: This movie is even better after you read The Last Battle by the way)

Best Feature Film For Families: Buttercream Gang. Bewitching of Ben Wagner and Split Infinity are right up there, but in the end, the Buttercream Gang definitely takes the cake. Plus the Buttercream Gang has a better soundtrack.

Best Scary Movie: Wait Until Dark. An oldie but a goodie. Course, I’m not really a scare movie fan so I haven’t seen a lot, but I have a really hard time imagining any movie could be scarier than this one.

And that’s all.

Long Live the King

2009-03-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

Here I sit in my living room listening to a little bit of music goodness. I just returned from a movie watching with my little brother Chadwin. We saw Race to Witch Mountain which was quite enjoyable. I’d recommend it to all (except Stephen Frandsen because he doesn’t like good movies).

Anyway, I’ve got a couple of questions which I’ve been contemplating of late.

- How do people (mostly women, I believe) handle walking in high heels. I see people wearing high heels and I'm just amazed how they can keep balance when all their weight is landing on that tiny stiletto heal. Remarkable.

- Where does this abundant dislike of my favorite town in the whole wide world come from? I mean in the last month I’ve heard absolutely nothing positive about that mecca of beauty known as the Goshen. It’s time people repent of their prejudices.

- Can my singles ward get any weirder? I’m not sure, but I don’t think so. I invite all to my ward, married or single, just so they can experience the Santaquin Singles Branch. It’s an unforgettable experience . . . and strangely addicting.

- Why can’t the Cougars win an NCAA tournament game? How about next time we get an invitation we just turn it down, spare ourselves the pain, and go to the NIT instead.

- Why are people so hard on teenagers? I work with them everyday and I’ll tell you, low-riding pants aside, they’re pretty amazing people.

- That said, how in the wide world did the Ry-masta bringin da disasta possibly get an A in my class? He must have cheated off someone ‘cause I swear he just sleeps everyday in class. Some things I will never understand.

- Why can’t all of life be like elementary school? I mean, it’s not like I don’t enjoy my current status, but there’s just nothing to compare with the goodness that is elementary school (especially recess). Heaven will probably be like elementary school with plenty of Kebabs and Crème Soda.

And that’s all.

yes, it's amazingly true . . .

2009-03-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Some of you will remember that my New Year’s Resolution was to go on at least one date a month this year. Well, I’m one for stinking five on my dating attempts so far (and the one that did go won’t even associate with me anymore) so the following is my attempt to assure myself that although I’m socially handicapped, slowly going bald, and ridiculously overweight, there are still worthwhile traits which I possess as far as the dating goes. This is the list of my top ten.

1 - I don’t do drugs.

2 - I’m straight.

3 - I own a sweet green minivan.

4 - I’m not completely bald yet.

5 - I don’t have leprosy.

6 - I own a house in the sweetest town in the United States of America.

7 - I don’t swear (except when I have to put up light fixtures in said house).

8 - I didn’t go to the University of Utah.

9 - I’ve never beaten up my mother (which goes hand in hand with number eight by the way).

10 - I‘ve never even tried to assassinate anyone.

Also receiving consideration (but not quite worthy of the top ten):

- I have at least ten pair of shoes

- I know how to use "who" and "whom" correctly

- I know how to read.

- My baseball team won the sportsmanship award when I was in second grade.

Okay, I feel a lot better now.

2009-03-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello, hello.

- First, let me apologize that I have yet to add some pictures of my sweet house to this here report. They are forthcoming, but you must be patient. As my first handyman operation, I replaced a lite fixture. Good huh. I did not get electrocuted and the lite even works so we’re definitely making progress.

- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has a fantastic soundtrack. I have it if you’d like to borrow it or if you run into my cousin Zenock he has the whole thing memorized so he’ll just sing it to you.

- I have come to one conclusion this week: I definitely should’ve been an elementary school teacher. I connect much better with second graders than I do with eleventh graders.

- This week I bought plane tickets to London, Zurich, and Vienna. Not bad eh.

- Today I was talking to this girl and she said that she likes to meet new people. Can you believe that? Weird. I didn’t think such people actually existed. I hate meeting new people. All those awkward pauses and boring questions. How can someone actually enjoy that?

- The hardest commandment to keep in the Mormonified church: fasting. All those other commandments are easy compared to fasting. Giving away 10% of my income—no problem; no premarital sex—no big deal; no drugs or alcohol—easy; go to church every Sunday—sure; go 24 hours without eating once a month—what?! hey now, that might be going a little too far . . .

- Since I’ve purchased myself a new house, I now attend a new singles ward. I tell you, singles wards are weird places (and for your information, BYU student wards don’t really count as singles wards ‘cause there’s just not enough variety, everybody’s the same in those wards). Anyway, when a new guy like me walks in, the sundry thought processes of the different groups are as follows:
- The sisters are thinking “Hey, is he hot?” (in my case: no)
- The brothers are thinking “So is he as cool as me?” (no again)
- The bishopric is thinking “Does he play the piano?” (regrettably)
- and I’m thinking: “Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me.”
I tell you, that’s exactly what they and I are thinking. It’s always the same every time. I think I’m going to ask the next girl I see to marry me just so I don’t have to go through this ever again.

- Since the Mormon world has their own movies and their own music, I’m thinking we should start our own video games. Serious. The first one should be on the Book of Mormon. Think about it, one level could be on Teancum, one could be on Moroni trying to get to the Hill Cumorah, one could be on Nephi trying to get to the Promised Land, one could be on the Stripling Warriors. It’s a gold mine I tell you, a gold mine (and I only ask for 10% of the profits if someone steals my idea).

Adieu

The Wait is Over

2009-02-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

My Ma, my Pa, little C., and I are currently watching the Jazz play the Hawks. This is our family home evening for the week (Kirilenko just nailed a 20 footer).

I’m pleased to notify you that the waiting is over and the rumors are verily true. I have indeed purchased myself my very first home. My family tried to talk me out of it, but I was not to be denied (I despise my family anyway though so it’s not like I ever listen to their opinions in the first place).

As to where it is located, it’s in the sweetest town in the United States.

Having purchased said house, I thought of the following:

- Maybe now I’ll actually learn how to cook. I highly, highly, highly doubt it, but who knows. Course, since the town I live in only has a gas station, I suppose I’d better learn to cook or I’m going to be eating an awful lot of twinkies and beef jerky.

- To be honest, I really don’t know if I can survive if I have to do my own laundry. I had to do laundry for two whole years on my mission and I nearly died. And don’t even bring up that whole ironing business. (Ironing is possibly the only thing worse than going on blind dates, but that’s up for grabs).

- I have no handyman abilities. If anything ever breaks in my house, I’m pretty sure I’m just going to sit on the floor and cry.

- My living room has ugly, ugly carpet. That’s one of the first orders of business: new carpet in the living room (put in by someone besides myself of course).

- Kyle Korver has a sweet shot.

- I have neighbors now. I'm worried that they might come visit me. That would be weird to have neighbors come to visit just me and not my parents. I think I’ll avoid them as much as possible. I’m going to be one of those neighbors that people never really see and are always kind of worried about. That reminds me of this story I once read called “A Rose for Emily.”

- However, although I don’t want to meet my neighbors, I sure do hope the Relief Society brings me some meals when they find out there’s a new move in. The less I cook, the better I think.

- I’m kind of scared to go to the gas station in my town. From the way it looks on the outside, they probably really do stockpile weapons in their basement.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts. Maybe next time I'll be having some pictures for all y'all.

oh strahlender morgen

2009-02-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

Hello, it is now 6:07 in the post meridian and I just got through watching the movie Charade with my father. I haven’t written for a couple of weeks because I was waiting. I’m still waiting, but I can’t hold back any longer.

Here are the items to note:

- Blind dates are still enemy number one in the Book of Wright. The sure way for me to start to avoid you is by offering to set me up on a blind date. I think I avoid about 98 percent of the people in my parents’ ward nowadays. In fact, the other day I sang in their ward and I left before the closing prayer just so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.

- I just read through my opening paragraph and I had at least 75.2 spelling errors that I had to correct. What is wrong with me? I think my students and their writing skills (or lack thereof) are really starting to rub off.

- I’m not going to give out my full Favorite People List, but Ashley Ekins is definitely on there (and yes Ashlee, I realize I spelled your name wrong, but that is to show you that although you might be on my list, that still doesn’t mean you control me).

- One of my students notified me this week that I’m going bald (as if I didn’t already know). That’s one thing I love about high school students: absolutely no tact. And they wonder why they all have self-esteem issues.

- The heating in my sweet minivan is currently out of commission. Do you have any idea how cold it is in the morning driving to work since I have to keep the air-conditioning on so the windows don’t fog up? (and yes I realize that was horrible sentence structure.)

- I had a dance practice on Saturday and to my great relief I do believe that I’ve progressed in my dancer status. I think I’ve gone from “utterly ridiculous and embarrassing” to “needs improvement.” Give me five more years and I’m pretty sure I can reach “bearable” status.

- I’ve had a major break through: I no longer hate Kobe Bryant.

- Have you ever seen Watcher in the Woods? It’s a definite must see. Rent it from your local movie rental place right now. I promise you won’t regret it.

- I’m determined to be kinder to referees from here on out. Rough job that.

And with that, ciao

2009-01-25T16:39:00.000-08:00

I was tagged. The assignment: write 25 random facts about me. Not a hard assignment, I must confess.

1. For some reason, when I was little, I used to be obsessed with cigarettes. Really. In fact, I used to wonder if my parents didn’t secretly smoke in their bedrooms when we kids weren’t watching (my dad was a seminary teacher). Also, when I was maybe six or seven I saw a cigarette on the ground (you know, an old used one) and I picked it up and put it in my mouth to see what it tasted like.

2. I used to lick the dirt and grime off car bumpers (yes REAL cars) because I liked the taste so much. Scouts honor, I did.

3. EFY music rocks. Stephen Frandsen does not.

4. I’m kind of an airhead.

5. When I was in Mr. Daniel’s fifth grade history class we had a unit on the American Revolution. From that point on I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up: a high school history teacher. Living the dream baby, living the dream.

6. Sixth grade was easily the worst year of my life. I’m sure that’s how outer darkness will be.

7. I have absolutely no idea why people talk to me. Really, if I weren’t me, I wouldn’t talk to me at all. I’d avoid me at all costs.

8. I’ve never met anyone who has even remotely close to the same taste in movies that I have.

9. I hate having to carry on conversation in a group of people. I can’t do it.

10. I have a horrible temper. I’ve mostly learned to control it, but some days (like today) I lose it and boy oh boy, things get ugly really fast. And then I hate myself for the next couple of hours.
11. I’m the most self-conscious person I’ve ever met (which is one of the causes of my temper tantrum today).

12. When I was three I was sitting by a girl in California. I had seen people kiss in movies so I decided I would kiss this girl on the cheek. After the deed was done my brothers teased me until I started crying (which could explain why I never kissed another girl until I was 25).

13. I fear two things. I’m not going to tell you either one.

14. I have no lenses in my eyes. They were both taken out by Dr. Teske of the Moran Eye Center when I was growing up.

15. I used to watch Full House religiously when I was in fourth grade.

16. When I was growing up my three older brothers and I would play sports non-stop (Daniel and I against Aaron and Jared) and without fail our games would always end with me walking away crying. Always. No wonder my brothers hated me.

17. Les Miserables in my favorite musical of all time. When I was in seventh grade I used to
listen to it all the time when I went to bed. In fact, I memorized that whole cassette.

18. I have no idea how I made it through my mission. To think that I woke up every morning at 6:30 for two years is absolutely mind-boggling (well, ALMOST every morning, I think I slept-in four times).

19. I don’t think Joseph Smith was lying.

20. High school students are absolutely phenomenal. I look up to and respect them a whole lot more than they probably realize.

21. Best president of all time: George “The Man” Washington. You try and start a nation why don’t you.

22. Swiss German is the language spoken in heaven (ironic since so few of them are headed in that direction presently).

23. I’m WAY more lenient with the students that I like. Anybody who says teachers don’t have favorites is lying.

24. I still struggle with the uber-sociality of dance teams. I mean, I handle it a lot better than my first couple years folk dancing, but I it still overwhelms me at times. They are so friendly; I just don’t get it.

25. I have lots of acquaintances, but very few people I would consider friends. Course, if you ask me if you’re one of my friends, I’ll most likely say “yes” in order to be polite, but just know that you’re probably not.

A New President

2009-01-20T08:22:00.000-08:00

Today is inauguration day. I have this to say about that.

1. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m excited for Brother Obama to be president. I think he’ll be alright
2. As I don’t think I’ve yet mentioned, I think President George W. Bush did a fine job as president. Some things I haven’t entirely agreed with, but overall, I think he did just fine. I for one am glad that I voted for him.
3. Some of you might think items one and two are mutually exclusive. I obviously disagree.

I’d like to complain a little bit. I can’t handle the way people write these days. Here are my complaints.
1. This whole text messaging craze has made it so there’s absolutely no standardization in capitalization or spelling (kind of like back in the 1800s). It gives me a headache trying to read email messages these days.
2. What’s the deal with writing “haha” or “jk” all the time? Listen, if you’d learn how to write, the words themselves would express whether something you wrote/read was funny or not funny or meant to be a joke or meant to be sarcastic or whatever.

Two other items of interest
1. The last two nites I’ve woken up at exactly 4:20 a.m. Interesting no.
2. Sunday I went to a fireside. After the fireside I went to my car and what do you know, but that a FULL can of Bud Lite was laying on my windshield. Apparently, somebody from Benjamin (at least, that's where I figure they were from) saw there was a fireside going on and thought it would be humorous to give everybody (or maybe just me) a Bud Lite. Clever prank, but awfully expensive.

Good day

2009-01-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

You know, I started out writing these things every Monday, but somewhere along the line I got my days mixed up. So, I apologize to all of you who are offended by me writing on a Saturday instead of a Monday.

- My head aches. I’ve been grading for the last five million hours. Grading is the one element of teaching that I don’t like (well, sometimes I don’t really like the teaching part either, but that depends on the day).

- Today was my career debut as a fifth grade boys basketball coach. We got demolished. But don’t worry, there’s always next week (and maybe then we’ll even get to double digits).

- I’m 27. You’d think by this age I’d be able to talk to girls to whom I’m attracted without feeling/looking/talking like an idiot. But no. I saw this girl this week and after I was done talking to her I wanted to go stick my head in a hole. BUT . . . I watched Beauty and Beast today and it gave me hope.

- Guess what, I asked a girl on a date this week. She was busy (at least that’s what she said), but I asked. Good huh. So now I don’t have to ask again until February (I know some of you are saying to yourselves that my New Year’s Resolution was to GO on a date once a month, but what you don’t know is that there was actually an addendum which I didn’t post on this here web log which stated that asking was just as good as going . . . so there).

- Not only did I ask a girl on a date, but I also went to a party. True I only lasted about one hour, but I went and that’s really saying something.

- Just to clear up some rumors, I will never, ever cheer for the University of Utah (i.e. Babylon). I don’t care whom they’re playing, or who’s on their team, or anything. To cheer for them is to abandon everything I stand for.

- Kurt Warner is rad. So is Donovan McNabb. Ben Roethlisberger is not. Neither is Eli Manning (although his brother Payton most surely is).

Adieu

My Man Silvester

2009-01-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago I stopped making New Year's Resolutions. I figured it was kind of pointless since I never actually followed through with my resolutions (in fact, by about Jan 4th or 5th I wasn't even be able to remember what they were). However, I think it is time to return to this time-honored tradition.

So . . .

I hereby resolve:

1 - To not do drugs. Bad, bad, bad.

2 - To go on a date at least once a month. Once a month isn’t too much to ask is it. I can do it, I know I can.

3 - To not say “shut-up” to my students. I did it once last year, but I promise it won’t happen this year (and don’t worry, I gave extra credit to the class in which I said “shut up”).

4 - To not lose all my hair (this might prove to be more difficult than resolution number two).

5 - To not be the worst dance on my dance team this year when we go to Europe (Croatia, Slovenia, and Germany are this years’ destination by the way).

6 - To do as little manual labor as humanly possible (this might be somewhat problematic since Speedy Dub is on his mission and he was the one who did all the real work around here, but I’m awfully good at faking a sudden attack of Cholera).

7 - To not get any fatter. I can barely get through the door these days since I’m so unskinnified. More running, less eating, that’s the key.

8 - To watch more of the Cosby Show. I'm addicted.

And I wish you all a nice New Year

Mr. Scrooge

2008-12-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas time and despite what I tell my students every December, I love Christmas. I love it for a lot of reasons, one of the many being all the free time I get (by the way, that’s one of the great things about being a teacher, I still get my Christmas break). As part of my free time, I’ve decided to update this here web log (yes, I realize I update it even if I don’t have free time, but that’s beside the point isn’t it).

Anyway, here’s the information for this week:

- I read the book The Chosen this past weekend. Absolutely fantastic. One of the top five books I’ve read in my lifetime. I cried almost as much as Danny and Reuven at the end of the book. I recommend it to all.

- I signed up on LDSsingles.com and let me tell you, it was worth it signing up just to see the questions they ask when signing up. A sampling: “How regularly do you attend church.” “What is your temple worthiness.” “Did you serve a mission?” And all this time I thought my bishop was supposed to ask those questions.

- I’m still not listening to Christmas music.

- One day I really want to post my “favorite people of all time” list on this here weblog. However, since I know there would be some offended by not being on it (and probably more who would be offended by being on it) said list remains safely hidden away. But don’t you worry, it does exist and I cannot be bribed (unless the tendency to bribe me is an inherent part of your nature, in which case you‘re probably already on the list).

- This is the first year since I got back from my mission that I don’t have to do any shopping for presents the week of Christmas. I don’t think you understand how proud I am of myself.

- I really, really don’t think they should have sporting events on Christmas day. I mean, think of all those ushers and cameramen who have to work on Christmas day. Ridiculous I say, ridiculous. Same goes with movie theatres. I know people like to go to movies on Christmas, but think of the poor blighters who have to work. It’s a travesty I tell you.

- The more I read the more I’m convinced Obama is going to make a great president. And I don’t use great here hyperbolically. I really think when history looks back, he will be considered a great president (of course, I didn’t vote for him, so if he turns out to be a failure I’ll just remind everybody that I voted for somebody else so it wasn’t my fault he was the president).

- I’m currently listening to the Rudy soundtrack. It is beautiful. I recommend it to all.

And a Merry Christmas

The Gaffer

2008-12-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

I have a couple of things to say:

1. My brother, Speedy Dub, is on his mission in the Brazil. From his letters I gather that, in the two weeks he's been in the field, he's already taught more people on his mission than I did in two years on mine (no exageration, really).

2. From the looks of things it appears that the Salem, Utah 84653 is about to get its first traffic lite. Do they have ribbon cuttings for traffic lites? I'm going if'n they do.

3. Sometimes people ask me if teaching is hard. Let me answer that question for any who might wonder: No, it is not hard at all. Honest. We only work from 7:30 to 3:00 (with a forty minute lunch), we work with some of the most incredible people in the world, and we only work about 188 days a year. How can anybody think that would be hard?

4. The past week I saw two movies: Bolt and The Day the Earth Stood Still. I really, really liked both movies, but I especially liked Bolt. It was great and I would recommend it to all people with any taste in good movieness (my favorite character was the agent by the way).

5. I bought stock in Wendys the other day. Hope it doesn't collapse.

6. I'm still not listening to Christmas music. Nope. I'm waiting until just the right time.

7. And finally, I'll end with just a few statements from my students these last couple of weeks:

Situation One: A girl slept in my class and was just waking up--

- Mr Wright: Jane (names have been changed . . .), I hope you enjoyed your nap. At least you'll be awake in your next class
- Jane: Oh don't worry Mr. Wright. I won't fall asleep in my next class. I like my next teacher.

Situation Two: I was handing out an assignment and explaining how my assignments develop knowledge--

- Pete: Ah screw knowledge, let's watch a movie.
- Pam the Cheerleader: Yeah Mr. Wright, we don't learn anything from these stupid assignments anyway.

Situation Three: I was talking to Mr. Rockwood (a fellow social studies teacher) and a student walked up to me

- Tim: Wow Mr. Wright, are you actually carrying on an intelligent conversation.

And that's all.

P.S. My prediction for Super Bowl Champion: The Colts

My New Favorites

2008-12-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

I've decided to make a list of some of my new favorite things:

- Taylor Swift's song "Love Story." I love it, love it, love it. In fact, I love it so much, I'm currently listening to it.

- The town of Goshen. I think I'll drive there tomorrow, just for kicks. And while I'm at it, maybe I'll continue on to Eureka and walk around for a little bit.

- The chess game on my computer. It's pretty sweet. I lost my first five games, but since then I've been pretty much unstoppable. Course, I'm only playing level one (it goes up to ten), but still . . .

- My 3A and 2B classes. They make teaching worthwhile. If I didn't think it was so unethical, I'd give them all A's.

- The Killers song "Human." Before I started listening to Sister Swift, I was listening to this song. I don't know why I like it so much, I just do.

- My principal. One of the greatest people I've ever worked with.

- The movie Twilight. Specifically,
A. Cedric Diggory's hair. If I could have my hair be in any style, it would be like that.
B. Alice Cullen's hair. I find that hairstyle mega attractive.
C. Dr. Cullen. No reasoning here, just liked him in the movie and liked him as a character.
D. The whole story line. I've never read the book, so I didn't know anything about what it was. I like it.

- My new coat from the J.C. Penney. It's nice.

- Learning about the stock market. I don't understand it hardly at all, but I'm kind of obsessed with learning about it currently.

- Watching the recordings of a TV show called "The Pretender" which used to air when I was in high school. I love it.

And that's all

Tagged Schon Wieder

2008-11-25T17:05:00.001-08:00

Finally, back to normalcy and non-seriousness (I hope you’re all as relieved as I am). My good sister K-Dawn tagged me a bit back and I now respond.

Joys

1. Driving to Goshen. (I know I said I wasn’t going to be serious, but I hope you'll forgive this exception). I drove there today and it is definitely one of the coolest places ever. I highly recommend it if you’ve never been there.

2. Eating cheese. I think I’m addicted.

3. Giving tests (easily one of the best things about being a teacher)

Fears

1. Going completely and utterly baldified.

2. Going on a date and forgetting my money/debit card. If that ever happened, I think my dating days would be officially over.

3. One day one of my classes (I can picture it now) totally mutinying against me and going absolutely ballistic. In fact, I periodically have nightmares about such an event and I always wake up the next morning a little bit unsure of myself.

Goals

1.Not to complain on my web log. I think I’m doing a good job thus far.

2. Not be the worst teacher ever (I’m not saying I AM the worst teacher ever, I’m saying I never want to descend to that status).

3. Learn how to ride a horse. And I don’t mean just sit on a horse as it saunters around. I mean I want to really learn how to ride . . . like the man from Snowy River.

Current obsessions

1. Goshen

2. Playing chess on my computer. I’m really bad (I only win about 33% and that’s on the beginning level) but shoot, once I get started, there’s no stopping me. In fact, I left my laptop at the school today just so that I can try and break my addiction.

3. Trying to figure out why fans and athletes in general are typically so . . . hmmm . . . what’s the word . . . obnoxious. Really, I think about it all the time. Get a fairly decent person, put them in a sports atmosphere, and he/she will suddenly become so obnoxious, biased, and basically unbearable. Madness.

Facts

1. Peyton Manning is THE BEST quarterback in the NFL.

2. Christmas music is to be listened to solely during the months of November, December, and January (enjoy it while it lasts Mother).

3. People that root against the Cougars of the B.Y.U. are not going to heaven.

look out, this one's serious and religious

2008-11-17T17:50:00.000-08:00

First off, before I begin, Karen don’t worry, I’m not ignoring you, I’ll get to your tag next week.
Now, for today . . .

The other day I went to visit my friends over at the B.Y. (Their names are LJ, Jana B., and the Cat, respectively. Three of the best people you’ll ever meet. If there are any single males out there who want to be set up with one of them, I’m sure I could arrange that). Anyway, during my visit, LJ notified me that my web log was deficient in at least four separate areas. She said I complain too much, I make too many lists, I never write about what I‘m really thinking, and she also complained about her web log link not being on my page.

Well, I’m not going to never put a link to her page on my page, but I do believe that I will acquiesce to those other three demands. So here I go. I’m not going to complain, I’m not going to make a list, and I’m going to write about what I‘ve been really thinking about lately (this will be the first and only time by the way, so enjoy it while it lasts).

For those of you not up to reading something serious, you’d better stop now and wait for next weeks’ edition.

There’s still time to stop . . .

Okay, here you go . . .

So, what have I been thinking about lately? Well, due to my current life situation, I’ve been thinking a lot about two things: one, what is life REALLY like after this one‘s over; and two, what does the future hold for our country and for me.

Both of these questions caused me to think a lot about my religious convictions. When somebody you know is on the verge of dieing or when scores of people around you are questioning the actions of your church leaders, it is a sort of wake up call isn‘t it. Do I believe what I say I believe? Is there really a life after this? If there is, what’s it like? Is it all white with a lot of clouds and harps or what? And, does God really lead the world today through prophets? If He does, how do I know when and where and whom to follow.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about. And what are my conclusions? Well, (don’t worry, I’m not going to list them) I’ve decided that I don’t know much about anything. I have no idea what life will be like after this. I don’t know what is in store in the future. I don’t know what will happen economically, or politically, or spiritually, or ethically in this nation. No idea. Nor do I always understand what the First Presidency is seeing or planning. Nope. I just don’t know.

But I do know a couple of things. I know that God is in control of the events here, especially this nation, even though at times it might not seem like it. He knows what He’s doing. I know that safety lies in following and sustaining the First Presidency, even if they aren’t perfect and even if I don‘t always understand their reasoning. And finally I know that God really is good, that better and more beautiful things await us after this life, and that my dad is in good hands, as are we all. As He so often admonishes us, there really is nothing to fear. Do good and be believing and in the end the loving-kindness of God will take care of the rest.

And that’s all.

Good Sabbath

2008-11-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well, it’s almost been a whole two weeks since my last posting. I hope you all have enjoyed the slight reprieve from the madness. There’s just been so much to write I had to wait until I had enough time to gather my thoughts and figure out what items were really important enough to put on this here web log.

- First off, this English person I once met named Ruth Sharman Hall has severely reprimanded me for my constant bemoaning of my lack of social skills. Since English people should always be obeyed, my goal: Not to complain for the whole rest of 2008.

- Okay, could somebody please tell me what “lol” means? People use it all the time in all kinds of different places and I, for the very life of me, cannot figure out why. Advise.

- Concerning the recent presidential election (we’re going to have a new president, if you didn’t know), I’m really not too displeased with the choice of Brother Obama. I don’t know too much about his policies (another goal is to read a couple of books about him before January, if you have any suggestions let me know) but I think he’s a swell fellow (course, I could be wrong about that). Really, I think he’ll do a fine job. Which is in stark opposition to the many around these parts who think he’s the devil.

- So, I’m thinking about using Rogain. What do you say?

- Don’t worry, don’t worry, my Spanish Fork City Recreation League soccer team did end up winning the tournament championship. It’s good to see the Wright boys, after a couple years absence, ascend once again to the top of the soccer scene here in the Salem/Spanish Fork area. If you want a signed picture, just send me your address with $50.

(This is the championship team, minus Big D, right after our glory. Oh yeah, did I mention I scored the game winning goal. That's right.)

- I love teachifying. I love it. I have my bad days when I wonder if anybody ever listens to me (they probably don’t), but all in all, it’s a great job. I’d highly recommend it to anybody (as long as you don‘t hate teenagers).

- And finally, I’ve decided that janitors, when they die, are going straight to heaven. Really. I’m pretty sure there aren’t better people in the whole world.

Sincerely,
The Skin

Back to Monday

2008-10-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well hello all.

It seems like I’m supposed to be doing something important right now, but I’m not really sure what that would be. It’s 10:10 p.m., the World Series has been delayed, and the Colts lost; that’s about all that’s registering in my mind currently.

Oh wait, there is one other thing, I was just reading about the Church’s support of Proposition Eight. I was going to write my thoughts about it (I had a whole paragraph typed up), but I decided not to ‘cause then I would have to be serious and thoughtful. Personally, I think serious people are boring (course according to some, since I‘m a Mormon, I don‘t even have the ability to think and have been brainwashed since I was two, so to them it would probably be impossible for me to be thoughtful at all).

Okay, okay, I will say this: I think President Monson’s an alright fellow, no matter what all those people who read the Tribune think (apparently, some of them aren‘t too fond of him).

But now, on to more serious issues:

- Last week was the end of the term. I didn’t fail nearly as many students this term as I did last year first term. What’s wrong with me? Am I getting soft in my old age or what?

- Sometimes a teacher gets in teaching ruts. I’m currently in a teaching rut from which I must soon escape or my students may start egging my house or slashing my tires (actually, most of my students probably think I’m in a teaching rut all of the time, so they probably don’t even notice the difference).

- Jamon: Word.

- Some unnamed people tried to play a nasty, nasty trick on me tonite (a plate of cookies tied to a string placed innocently on my doorstep). Don’t worry, I wasn’t fooled. But it sure was a close call. I was almost, ALMOST, taken in. My humiliation would’ve been irreparable had I been fooled by such deceit. Don’t worry, the culprits will pay.

- There’s this guy I know named Nathan Rees. We went to high school together. I think he’s a decent fellow. If you ever meet, be sure you say “hi” from me.

- And finally, since today is Red Ribbon week (actually, they don’t hand out ribbons anymore, now they hand out red wristbands, which is nice ’cause I never could get my ribbon on without poking myself with my pin 38 times), I would just like to once again confirm that I don’t do drugs. Nope. None. Never.

And that’s all I have to say for now. Be nice.

Fall Break

2008-10-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

As some of you might know last week was Fall Break for those of us who work for the public education system here in the Utah. My honest opinion about Fall Break: boring. We got school out for Thursday and Friday and I was bored by the about 9:30 a.m. on Thursday. I did enjoy being able to sleep in, but besides that, nothing, just boredom. Part of the problem is that most extended school breaks actually have a reason: On Thanksgiving Break there’s Thanksgiving, Christmas Break there’s Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Break there’s Valentines Day. But come on, Fall Break, what is there? There ain’t nothing.

Point is I was bored. So what does this tell us about moi you ask? Well, these are the sundry conclusions I’ve come to, you may add or subtract as you will.

1. People who say more girls would call me if I had a cellular device might actually be right. Now don’t be confused, that doesn’t mean I’m getting a cellulite phone anytime soon (‘cause let’s be honest, more girls calling isn’t always a good thing), it just means some people who endlessly harass me might actually have some truth in their argument, that’s all.

2. a. Maybe, despite all my protestations to the contrary, I really am a social person and have a need to be around people. However, instead of being like normal people and enjoying sociality for the opportunity to talk TO people, maybe I just enjoy being social when I can talk AT people while they sit listless in their desks (because I can tell you right now that I sure don‘t like talking TO people ever). Hmmm, maybe there are parties out there where people just get into groups and, one after the other, they just talk AT each other, then go back home. If you find any, let me know.
b. Teaching isn’t nearly as bad as some people think.

3. My minivan, while being sweet and green, might not be quite the social tool that I once thought it was.*

4. I should probably do one of two things. I either need to hang out with my married friends more (nothing wrong with hanging out with married people is there) or I need to find some friends that aren’t married. I don’t know which it’s going to be, but I need to do one or the other.

5. I enjoy listening to Enya.

6. Maybe I should move to the Provo and live with roommates and not live with my parents now that I’m 27.*

7. I shouldn’t fail so many of my students (bad karma maybe?).

8. The presidential debates, while interesting, might not be as socially stimulating as might be supposed.

Well, those are just some of the conclusions I came to this weekend. Tell me if you think of anymore. I’m all ears.

*Editor’s Note: I have serious issues with these conclusions, but until proven otherwise, I guess we’ll have to stick with it.

I'm "it"

2008-10-16T19:49:00.001-07:00

I’ve been tagged. I’m not really sure what that means exactly and I’m just lucky that I found out at all. If you want my humble opinion, there should be some way to notify somebody who has been tagged. In any case, let me complete this tag.

I am - grateful, as ever, to S.E. Frandsen for his wisdom. I do indeed hate the thought of Senator McCain being president.
I know - that whoever came up with the social custom of dating will get a severe tongue thrashing from me whenever I meet that person in heaven. Ludicrous, that’s what dating is.
I want - all of my hair back.
I have - a sweet green minivan with a heater that is currently out of commission.
I dislike - just about everything except orange juice and listening to musicals.
I miss - associating with a fellow named Jeffrey W. Richey. If you ever see him, be sure to send him my way.
I feel - like finding a really attractive young lady, getting all dressed up real pretty like, and dancing the night away somewheres.
I hear - that this one kid at school got in a fight, but I’m not really sure that I believe it.
I smell -
I crave - (because I never know who will read this, I’m not able at this time to write what I really crave, sorry).
I cry - very seldom. However, I’ve heard rumors that when I was in high school, girls would often go home and cry after I would say something slightly sarcastic to them. I don’t believe it though.
I search - ponder and pray.
I wonder - why people still try to set me up with their cousins’ sisters‘ friend. No more. Please. Pretty please. Pretty, pretty please.
I regret - throwing lots of cats really high up in the air (this was when I was a little guy by the way) just to see if they would always land on their feet (they always did by the way, amazing)
I love - my job. Really, I’m quite sure there isn’t a better job in the whole world.
I care - (that’s not true, I don’t actually)
I worry - occasionally about whether or not I’m going to get married before I lose all of my hair. I remember - this one time when I promised myself that I would never eat another pickle, but I eat them all the time now. Shows how true I am to my word.
I believe - Lord, help thou my unbelief.
I dance - really, really poorly (which is probably why I can't find a really attractive girl with whom I can dance the nite away). But I still think it’s fun. Especially Hungarian folk dance.
I argue - only when I want to get people all riled up about ridiculous things.
I write - when I’m bored, discouraged, excited, or supposed to be doing important things (like right now).
I win - only when I cheat.
I lose - all the rest of the time.
I wish - I could win without cheating.
I listen - to high school students endlessly harangue me about so many things I can’t even list them here. But that’s okay, MOST of the time I probably deserve it. But I still feel slightly annoyed about this one time they complained about having to go to the grocery store.
I am scared - of my students mutinying against me, taping me to my chair with duct tape, and absconding with my sweet minivan.
I need - to learn how to ride a horse. That is my goal: learn how to ride a horse.
I forget - everything important (meetings, birthdays, etc.). However, if it’s really trivial and holds no importance at all, I’m pretty sure I won’t forget.
I am happy - that the NBA is about to start.

There, I’m done. I’m not going to tag anyone ’cause I’m morally opposed to such things. However, Ms. Geekins, if you want to stay in my good graces, you WILL fill this out.

What I doesn't hate

2008-10-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

I called a guy in Brooklyn today to order some books and he told me I sounded like a New Yorker. Really. I'm serious. (side note: when he said I sounded like a New Yorker, I said, "oh sorry". He was kind of offended that I would be apologetic about such a thing).

Anyway, sometimes people on these web log things write about what they are thankful for. I will do no such thing, ever. However, I WILL tell you what I don't hate.

1. I don’t hate any of the current presidential or vice presidential nominees. I don’t really like any of them. But I don’t hate them.

2. I don’t hate the A-Team. In fact, I’m watching it right this very minute. I especially don’t hate the theme music or their sweet van. Beautious.

3. I don’t hate Baconaters.

4. I don’t hate the musical Aida (it‘s playing currently at the Hale and one of these days I‘m going to drop by). In fact, back in my college days, I went to Aida and was so attracted to the usheress that I asked her right then and there on a date. She said “no.” I bet she regrets it.

5. I don’t hate the movie The Village. In fact, I watched it last nite. That M. Night Shyamalan is probably a little crazy, but he’s made some pretty fantastical movies.

6. I don't hate dating. I'm just really not fond of it.

7. I don’t hate the MLB playoffs. I’m rooting for the Dodgers myself. Mostly ‘cause they have my man Greg “Maddog” Maddux. If I could meet one person, it would be Brother Maddux.

8. I don’t hate Celine Dion. Once upon a time I was planning on marrying her. I’m not sure it’s going to work out now, but I still don’t hate her.

So now you know (and knowing's half the battle)

Payson High School Homecoming '08

2008-10-04T22:28:00.001-07:00

I be a teacher. As such, occasionally my illustrious bosses ask me to participate in activities outside of the classroom. Like tonite for example I was assigned to chaperone at the Payson High's Homecoming dance.

As I poured glass after glass of some kind of punch (non-alcoholic I promise), I made the following observations:

- I find it one of the cruel ironies of my life that now that I'm 27 and out of high school I can finally carry on a conversation with high schoolers. Why exactly couldn't I carry on a conversation with a high schooler when I was in high school? What a joke.

- I went to Homecoming once. Junior year, 1997. How did it go you ask? Well, she was a really nice girl and I was a huge dufus with NO social skills AND I lost my keys that nite (it was actually Jeffrey W. Richey's fault, but I've since forgiven him). It was similar to one of those movies when the biggest nerd in the school asks the nicest girl and you just feel sorry for the girl the whole time. Yeah, pretty sure she still hasn't recovered from the trauma.

This is a picture of that fateful event. I'm sure she still accepts letters of sympathy.

- I'm an amazing punch pourer (although I'll be honest, after three hours, my shoulder did get a little sore). Really, after 27 years I finally found a talent. And you didn't think I had any.

- I will never understand why they play music so loudly at dances. I mean, maybe it's just me, but I always thought it would kind of be nice to talk to my date without having to yell all the time. But that's just me.

- As far as high school dances go, not much has changed in 11 years.

- I still don't know who I'm going to vote for, but I did think Senator Biden did a swell job in the debate and I couldn't figure out why Governor Palin seldom directly answered the questions. Stephen, I'm slowly, ever so slowly, being turned.

- I'm not sure there is anything in this world worse than an awkward first date. NOTHING. I noticed several of those tonite and I was just thankful I wasn't on one myself.

- Along those lines, I noticed that time goes a lot faster pouring punch for three hours than it does trying to make awkward conversation for five minutes. Maybe back in the day when I went to dances (all three that I asked to) I should have been fixing the punch instead of trying to carry on a conversation.

And that's all.

Some Thoughts

2008-09-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday again. Maybe I'll start writing my web log only on Wednesdays.

- My girls' soccer team won on Tuesday. It was one of the greatest moments of my whole life. Really. Sweet, sweet, sweet.

- I got a new laptop yesterday. One problem, I forgot my password (or the computer messed up or something) so I can't log on. I swear I'm the biggest idiot ever.

- I've finally made up my mind on the upcoming election. Actually, I've only half made up my mind. This is what I've decided: I don't want to vote for either candidate. I don't trust Obama and I really don't trust McCain. That's a problem. Maybe I'll just write in somebody.

- I'm so flipping tired of being single. And I'm not saying I need to get married. It would just be nice to have a girlfriend or something. Or at least an occasional second date.

- Somebody complained about me not having pictures on my web log so I'm going to put some pictures on here. That way people who only have a second grade education won't be bored.

- The Yankees aren't going to the playoffs. I wonder if you understand how happy that makes me.

- My favorite quote of the week from one of my students: (said student was talking to a German foreign exchange student and asked) "So is Britain and Germany the same place? (the verb conjugation was icing on the cake).

- I think sometimes people use racism as an excuse. I'm not saying racism doesn't exist, 'cause it does. I see it all the time. I'm just saying in some situations it doesn't exist, but people need an excuse, so they use that. People who are always looking for an excuse need to be kicked in the head.

This is my brother S. Eliason. He's leaving on his mission. Can't leave soon enough, that's what I say (I should also here note that on our digital camera at least half the pictures are of him taking pictures of himself).

I play the game of basketball. No, let me rephrase that, I dominate the game of basketball. Bring it on.

I teach history (at least I TRY to teach history . . . some days). However, what I would really like you to notice is my receding hairline and developing bald spot. Sad, I know.

Sure, I used to go to church (that's big Stew in the sweet red jacket).

The word that comes to mind: dignified. It was like I was training to be a history teacher even back then. The sweater, the shoes, the glasses, the striped socks. Sweet.

And that's all.

2008-09-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday today. I like Wednesdays. Not only is it Wednesday, but the Constitution was signed on this very day in 1787. I have a few observations to make.

- I hate spiders. Really, I hate them. Are they useful at all 'cause if they're not, I'll can tell you right now that when I create my own worlds, there ain't going to be no spiders.

- My dad told me he stayed up all nite trying to figure out how I can better coach my girls' soccer team. His conclusion: "you need to teach them how to score goals." Brilliant, why didn't I think of that?

- Just so you know, Wikipedia is not a reliable source. In fact, seeing as today is Consitution Day, if you went and looked up the consitutional convention on Wikipedia and looked at the signers, three of those are actually my students (they got a little distracted in class today). Just thought you'd like to know.

- Did I tell you that I broke up my first high school fight last Monday? I did. No big deal, I'm a teacher.

- I love football. Love it. I think people like football so much because there's so little of it. I mean, it only goes four-five months and most of the games are only on the weekends. As my friend Rizzo the Rat said, "Scarcity--Drives up the prices." I mean think about baseball. I like it and all, but honestly, where there are about 2 million games a year, I can only get excited about a couple.

Wednesday?

2008-09-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well hello,

- The other day I went to a social gathering over there in the Provo (I try to avoid such things as you well know, but it was friend Cammie's birthday so . . .). Whilst there I noticed that my already shaky socializing skills are, I think, getting worse (some of you might think that's impossible, but it is verily true). That's not good, not good at all, especially since I'm losing my hair as well. No hair AND no social skills, I'm in trouble.

- Along those lines, my bishop told me I should try to go on a date once a week. I can barely even talk to a girl once a week, let alone go on a date. However, apparently some bloke started some sort of Salem singles online dating site or something like that. Maybe I should check that out.

- On a different note, my niece Kadee, she's five, told me that I really need to get a cell phone. How dare she.

- Another one of my varsity soccer players is injured and out of commission. I swear, I need to pay more tithing or something 'cause the soccer gods sure aren't being generous these days. Who did sin, me or my parents that I cannot catch a break.

- I watched Rudy last nite. I cried. Great show. GREAT show.

- I love October so much (I realize it's still September, but I'm just getting excited). I mean, think about it, you've got General Conference, baseball playoffs, NFL and college football, and NBA preseason, plus the weather is generally fantastic. I tell you, life does not get much better. The song really should have been, "Wake me up, when OCTOBER comes."

- I just watched the Republican National Convention. My dad sure was swayed by ole Brother Guiliani's speachifying. Pops just flipped-flopped his vote right there. Me, I'm still not convinced with Senator McCain, but I sure do like that Palin lady (mistakes and all). However, for the time being, I'm still a fence sitter, waiting . . . and still waiting . . .

Bye now

tuesday?

2008-08-27T17:00:00.001-07:00

Hello,

I haven’t been on a second date in nigh on two years. Pathetic ain’t it? Things have definitely got to change around these parts. Just got to.

Most teachers think they’re underpaid. Considering my skill level, I think I’m overpaid.

I’ve issued this before, but I issue it again (especially considering recent comments on this here weblog): If you see Stephen Frandsen walking around, hit him in for me would you please.

Being a coach is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done. And I’m only a high school coach, I don’t see how these professional coaches handle the pressure.

That said, the players I coach are absolutely amazing. Pretty sure there’s not a better group.

I miss speaking German. If you meet any nice German people, send them my way. (But if they're not nice, don't send them. Not nice people, speaking German, scare me.)

Adieu

2008-08-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

Well hello,

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a Mormonite. As a Mormonite, I have a calling in my church. I would just like to say that it would be a lot easier to do my calling if I didn’t hate talking to people so much.

School starts this week (on Wednesday to be precise). I hope I make it through the first week without getting fired or without having one of my classes rising up and mutinying against me (I think the latter is more likely, by the way).

I think it’s time to list my top five movies. They are, in order,
- Shadowlands—Favorite quote of all time, “Why do we love when losing hurts so bad?”
- My Fair Lady—Henry Higgins is everything I wish to be.
- Dead Poets Society—What does it really mean to sieze the day?
- The Lion King—The gospel Disneyized.
- Chariots of Fire—“Do you know what day it is?”

I saw a guy walking around with spurs on yesterday. That’s why I love Payson, Utah: guy with spurs on—no big deal.

Have you ever noticed how people define friendship differently? I take more of the Swiss approach myself, if you were wondering.

Today, as I was picking up some magnetic resonance images from Mountain View Hospital, I saw a Dominoes delivery boy there. I didn't know you could order pizza in the hospital. I hate hospitals just a little less now that I know pizza delivery is allowed.

My dad’s amazing.

Uuf Wiederluuege

monday of goodness

2008-08-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

it's monday. i'm writing here. i'm back on schedule. i still hate stephen frandsen. all is right in the universe.

to note:

- my dad says that "skinny" is a low class nickname for a little kid. know what i think, i think he's jealous.

- i had my birthday. i turned 27. when my mom turned 27 she was pregnant with her sixth child. interesting.

- on my tombstone it's going to read, "just friends"

- it was salem days last week. the salem days parade is the best in the state, that's what i say. if you don't agree with me, you're wrong and ignorant.

- i speed all the time, yet i absolutely will not misuse the carpool lane or cross in or out of the carpool lane on the double line. am i a hypocrite.

- first girls' soccer game tomorrow. pray for us (maybe you should fast too, that might be helpful). all that is running through my head, "don't be a dufus, don't be a dufus, don't be a dufus."

and that's all.

home again, home again, jiggedy jig

2008-08-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

i'm home. i'm alive. i'm sober.

i returned to 100 East 187 South at approximately 1:35.24 a.m. yesterday (that would be wednesday) and was quite pleased to find everything and everyone still intact.

so, i guess i'd better finish my report.

day twenty one: today is the last day of the martigues festival. these frenchies, they're really not half bad. not half bad at all. i officially recant every mean thing i've ever said about french people.

day twenty two: some days i flipping hate girls. that's all.

day twenty three: today is an official tourist day. shopping, sightseeing, picture taking, following random swiss people around so i could listen to the pure adamic language, etc.

day twenty four: welcome to barcelona. i love meeting members of the church in different countries (especially christian, he was cool). when far from home, there's something so comforting about meeting others of the same faith.

day twenty five: i went to the airport today to fly home. one problem, no room on the flight, @^&*. i guess i'll wait 'til tomorrow.

day twenty six: still no room . . .

day twenty seven: still no room . . . but good news, there's room on the amsterdam flight, so thomas and i will just fly there so we can fly home, no big deal. it only cost us $600 a piece to fly two hours to the netherlands.

day twenty eight: who knew the amsterdam airport floor could be so comfortable. i slept like a baby. and what do you know, there's room on the flight to cincinnati. estados unidos, here i come.

day twenty nine: home, sweet home.

the tour continued

2008-07-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

first: i apologize that again it is not monday.

second: french keyboards are absolutely ridiculous.

third: i continue my tour report from where i left off . . .

day thirteen: conversational exchange of the day:
me: is there a mormon church around?
host family member: no. there are no mormons in france so there are no mormon churches.
me: (after an awkard silence) oh . . . uh . . . so how is the weather in france anyway?

day fourteen: let me here outline the threefold mission of these here international folk dance festivals (listed in order of importance).
1. to get drunk as much as possible.
2. to meet, flirt with, and make out with as many foreigners of the opposite gender as possible (or same gender depending on preference).
3. to appreciate dances from other cultures.

day fifteen: my new nickname is skinvous

day sixteen: we, the frenchies, the irish, and the quebeckers did a whole choreography together. i dominated until we actually had to perform, then i buckled. maybe it should've been chokevous instead of skinvous.

day seventeen: a tour is not a tour without a crush. know what i'm saying.

day eighteen: you should have seen me. there i was in a small french town on the mediterranean, all dressed up in my cowboy getup, sitting at a bar, drinking water out of a heiniken cup. sweet.

day nineteen: i went boating on the sabbath. i am ashamed. but at least now i can consider myself a full blooded paysonite.

day twenty: we went to marseille today. i spent most of my time sitting on a park bench reading persuasion while listening to old french men ramble on as they smoked their cigarettes. very entertaining.

folk dance in europe

2008-07-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

i'm currently in the europe, which means i don't have ready access to a computer, which means i missed last week, which means i apologize, which means here is my report.

day one: flying's fun. i depise the whole checking in stuff (who are these tsa people anyway) but the flight itself is quite enjoyable. however, you haven't really flown until you fly business class. beautiful, just beautiful.

day two: the madrid temple is really not half bad. now, if my body would just figure out what time it is so i can stay awake through the whole session.

day three: another day in the temple (i stayed awake this time) and then into the city. as to the city itself: not bad.

day four: i had a kebab today. it's been far too long. cream soda and kebabs, that's what heaven will be.

day five: yeterday was sunday. i tried to go to a catholic church (i missed my mormonite meetings). it was closed. right next door was a bar. it was open. go figure.

day six: we danced today. i'm the worst clogger ever. really. i'm the greg ostertag of the clogging world.

day seven: i hate changing time zones. hate it, hate it, hate it.

day eight: russian dancers = amazing.

day nine: our eating schedule for this here burgos folk festival:
breakfast: 9:30
lunch: 3:30
dinner: 11:30

day ten: two things i unlike about visiting foreign countries:
shopping
sightseeing

day eleven: our show tonite started at 12:00 a.m. (that's midnite for all you illiterates out there). can you believe that. madness. but the venue was packed, so who am i to complain.

day twelve: the wheels on the bus go round and round . . . and round . . . and round . . . and round . . .

and round . . .

and round . . .

and we'll pick up on day thirteen next week . . .

Monday Meanderings

2008-07-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

- i'm sure lots of people in this world have opinions as to what we'll drink in heaven (i WILL be there, by the way). my opinion: cream soda.

- my brother, big stew, turned 23 last week. finally, he's old enough to date.

- i love grocery stores. fabulous places really (although the jury is still not officially out on organic grocery stores). however, i do have one complaint: why exactly aren't the canned olives in the same area as the rest of the canned vegetables? i do not understand nor appreciate.

- last week my mom was in the 'spital. since she was so drugged up and couldn't be trusted, i had to sign the document where it said "responsible person." i'm expecting the perjury lawsuit to come at any time (is perjury the right word?).

- i watched a movie on bobby jones yesterday (it was actually quite good). it got me thinking. what would it be like to be truly great at something? what would it be like to know that you were one of the best in the world? hmm . . .

- why do people insist on setting me up. do i really come off as that socially handicapped and/or ugly?

- i greatly disenjoy july. it's a wasted month. heat, hay fever, and dead grass, that's all there is. independence day (and pioneer day) would be okay if it were in october or something, but how can i enjoy the signing of the declaration of independence when all i can think about is the heat, hay fever, and dead grass?

- one of my soccer players has to have surgery on her knee. out for the season. crap (sorry mom about the vulgarity).

- i leave for spain on thursday. i hope i don't hate it there.

Zu Ihrer Information

2008-06-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

To Note:

1 - I'm pretty sure that if I weren't a Mormonite, I would be an alcoholic. Really.

2 - I got a flat tire this week. Flat tires have to be one of the most disheartening occurences of all time. There you are, driving along, minding your business, then . . . bam! I hate it. I come closer to swearing during these moments than any other time (well, except soccer practice, sometimes I really want to swear 'cause I keep thinking that maybe the boys would actually listen if I were to drop the "F' bomb on them, but they probably wouldn't, so I don't, not yet at least)

3 - I love EFY music and there ain't nothing you can do about it. Sure the lyrics are generally cheesy and fairly predictable. Sure the music is incredibly simplistic and could be written by just about anybody with any musical writing ability, but I still like it so lay off.

4 - Do you think the people who lived in the city of Enoch ever got accused of being close-minded. I'll bet they got that all the time. "Dude, all you guys ever do is listen to that crazy Enoch guy. Come on over to Sodom, you've got to at check out what they've got. What, you're not going to? You're so close-minded." Yeah, I can see it.

5 - I went to an organic food store the other day in the SLC. Tremendous place (and might I mention that the hired help was extremely accomodating). I'd highly recommend at least sometime in your life going to such a place. They've got some sweet stuff there (although most of it I'm kind of scared to try).

6 - I wonder what I'd think of me, if I weren't me and I just met me at some random place. Hmmmm . . .

7 - When I create my own world there are not going to be allergies. None. No house flies either for that matter.

8 - The Cubs are going to win the World Series this year (they haven't won since 1908). Why, because my brother (a HUGE Cubs fan) will be on his mission come October and this will be the Lord's way of trying my brother's faith.

9 - I just paid $94.58 to fill up my sweet minivan with petrol. I love capitalism (it is better than fascism in any case, that is, if fascism is even an economic system which I think it might not be).

10 - I watched Gilmore Girls the other day and although I really, really, really, really disagree with some of the social commentaries put forth in said sitcom, I do believe that Kirk and Luke are two of my favorite TV characters of all time (right up there with Screetch from Saved by the Bell and Murdock from the A-Team).

The Fork (as my friend Ms. Geekins would say)

2008-06-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

I once wrote:

I’m obsessed with lists these days (my professors Dr. Huntsman and Sister Peay would be proud). It seems like everything I write about is in some form of list or another. Today will be no exception. If you’re absolutely opposed to lists, feel free to pick up this document from my secretary S. Eliason in paragraph form anytime during normal working hours.

Today I would like to write about that great city Spanish Fork. For those of you who don’t know, I went to junior high and high school in Spanish Fork so it holds a tender spot in my heart. However, you should know that the following list does not, I repeat DOES NOT, apply to my hometown Salem. They are very different (and thankfully so) So, without further ado, these are four things (in honor of my high school English teacher whose favorite number was four) you should know about Spanish Fork—

1. In order to live in Spanish Fork, you must, absolutely must, own a truck. Really. I’m not kidding. In fact, in city ordinance III, article 2, it states:

Whereas a truck is absolutely indispensable to the formation of a healthy and vigorous community life style and

Whereas if you do not own a truck you cannot go hunting,

Be it hereby resolved that no person may purchase a house within the city limits of this community without prior having purchased a truck of respectable quality and performance.*

*I should note however that the city council has made an exception. It is that if a truck can’t be afforded, a four wheeler may be substituted until sufficient funds can be secured (kind of like that whole swapping a pigeon for a dove thing in the Old Testament).

2. Life in Spanish Fork revolves around baseball/softball. Yep, if you don’t play baseball/softball, you’re not really a person, more like half a person. As I think back on my high school experience, I think there was one person who hadn’t played on a baseball/softball team growing up and he was the foreign exchange student from Russia (parenthetically, if you want to know my personal opinion as to it’s popularity, I think it’s because in baseball the players are allowed to chew tobacco, which is actually, according to the official Spanish Fork High School curriculum, one of the five major food groups).

3. If you go to Spanish Fork and say “we were,” they probably won’t understand you. It’s “we was.” Along those same lines, it’s not “we saw,” it’s “we seen.” It’s not “hunting,” it’s “hu’en.” It’s not “mountains,” it’s “mou’ens.” For example, a regular sentence in any normal elder’s quorum lesson might run as follows, “We was in the mou’ens hu’en and we seen a four point” (we’ll talk about the point system maybe at another time). So just watch out for that, and don’t try to correct them because that will probably confuse them even more (really, it will).

4. And finally, never, ever underestimate the spiritual intensity of the intellectually disinterested. But you still probably shouldn’t expect them to make it out to church during hunting season, boating season, and the Super Bowl.

Ten Things to Know

2008-06-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Do you ever those days when you really just want to swear? Today is one of those days. Alas, my personal habits prohibit it for the time being, but just know it might come spewing forth at any time so consider yourself duly warned

In any case, here are ten things you’d be benefited by knowing:

1. My newest favoritest musical artist is Ed Ames. Today I walked into my house only to find my parental units lounging around rocking out to Mr. Ames. I was hooked in an instant. In fact, I can barely wait for the school year to start so that I can let my students listen and appreciate his goodness.

2. I’m an eternal pessimist. My motto: “Not only is the cup of milk half empty, but the milk’s probably sour as well.”

3. My parents are currently out of commission, which means I’m supposed to run the house around these parts. Just one problem, I don’t cook, I can’t clean, I struggle with laundry, and I have no idea how to iron (actually that’s more than one problem isn’t it). Yeah, we’re in trouble (I should mention however that I do clean bathrooms amazingly well, in fact, I have yet to meet anyone who matches my bathroom cleaning abilities, although this Croatian woman I met on my mission comes fairly close).

4. My two younger brothers (Big Stew and S. Eliason) have more social skills that I can ever hope to obtain. How’s that fair?

5. If I weren’t a Mormonite, I’m pretty sure I would be Amish (did you know their language is very similar to Swiss German? Well it is). Actually, do you think I can be a Mormonite and Amish?

6. Lately I’ve really been struggling with my belief in dinosaurs. I mean come on, do you really think that once upon a time there were giant lizards walking around the earth? And then how did they all die? And where were the humans at the time. I don’t know, I have my doubts.

hold on, my Ed Ames CD just ended, I’d better start it over . . . okay, continuing . . .

7. Although I took exactly 23 dance credits at the B.Y. over my seven year undergraduate career, I’m still quite possibly the worst dancer ever created (if you don’t believe me, I can give you endless amounts of film documentation proving my point).

8. I ran a mile today and nearly collapsed from exhaustion. Boy oh boy am I getting fat or what.

9. I love big loopy earrings. I really do. If I ever get married, my wife is going to get them as presents as least once a year . . . probably more.

10. I don’t know why, but I’m pretty sure the 4th of July is my least favorite national holiday. No idea why, that’s just the way it is (and I’m a history teacher, can you believe that).

And that’s all

The National Basketball Association Finals

2008-06-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

I watch basketball. I like basketball. I occasionally attempt to play basketball. Basketball is cool. Thusly, like previous years, I'm currently following this year's edition of the Finals: Celtics versus Lakers. As always, I have a few comments regarding said event.

One: I do not like the Lakers. I don't especially like the Celtics. However, the Celtics general manager (meaning he manages the team generally) is Danny Ainge. He's a fellow B.Y. alum, he's a fellow Mormonite, and when he played for the B.Y. they actually won a NCAA tournament game. I'll cheer for him.

Two: I do not like Kobe Bryant as a basketball player, not even a little bit. In fact, I seldom if ever watch him play because he's so good he makes me physically sick. However, I am convinced that if he and I were to ever meet (party in Las Vegas or something), I think we would get along swimmingly. Naturally our moral standards are a little different, but I really think we would get along just fine.

Three: The other day I walked into an apartment and somebody (who I think needs to be punched in the face) said that I looked like Luke Walton. Can you believe that? I've never been more humliated (well, looking on the bright side, at least he didn't compare me to Pau Gasol).

(do you really think Luke Walton could do this?)

Four: I pick the Lakers in seven, but I'm hoping for the Celtics in six. Come on Danny, don't let me down.

Five: I've come to the conclusion that with the lady folk there's really no winning. None. (Now I realize that statement doesn't directly deal with the finals, but I'm sure there's some correlation somewhere).

The End

My Rules of Dating

2008-06-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

As the pressure to date increases (which ironically generally tends to lower the number of dates that I actually go on) I find it necessary to list the following three rules as far as dating/non-dating is concerned. I call these the "never, ever" rules (for obvious reason). Of course, I feel that everybody should follow these rules, but each to his or her own.

I've had these rules for several years now, but I have yet to put them in writing. Now is the time.

By the way, these are in order of importance, if you were wondering.

1. If you're a male, never, ever date someone that is taller than you. If you're a female, never ever date someone who is shorter than you.

2. Never, ever, if you're passed the age of 23, date someone that is still in high school (I confess to have broken this rule when I was 24, but I've since repented and I didn't know she was in high school when I asked her so lay off).

3. Never, ever date someone that you met on your mission. Ever!

A couple more things that I would like to add.

1. As far as age limit, the rule right now is 18-30 no more than two kids, but since that could possibly change, it is not a "never, ever" rule (for example, when I'm 35 and still not married, it might be 18-40 no more than four kids, but that's yet to be decided).

2. If I were a girl, I would also have the following rule: "Never, ever date a guy who wear's his hat crooked." I'm not a girl though and I haven't quite thought of a female corollary to the crooked hat thing, but if I do, I'll be sure to add it to the list.

And that's all.

ten things to note

2008-05-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

1. i do not do drugs. nor do i intend to in the near future.

2. i do not have any enemies. however, if i had to choose an enemy it would either be stephen e. frandsen or amanda r. lockhart. it's a never ending battle with those two.

3. i do not like the new england patriots. however, i think tom brady and i would get along just fine if we were ever to meet.

4. high school kids are the most underrated age group on the planet.

5. if i had one wish it would be that the soccer team i coach could at least win one region game this year (we didn't last year, but the times, they are a chanin').

6. i tend to be religious, but whenever people start to talk about religious things in a group setting (outside of church meetings naturally), i generally try to change the subject as quickly as possible (usually by making some comment about how much i hate the lakers).

7. i have a sweet green minivan.

8. i don't think i understand the meaning of the word "love." what does it mean actually?

9. i don't understand how tall people kiss short people without hurting their backs.

10. although a history teacher, i have a very hard time not becoming totally apathetic to politics.